How to tell a Autistic/Adhd man I like him

[CherryPizza]

Hello,
Several months ago I met a man who I instantly liked, and it was mutual. I met him socially not dating. We’ve since met up several times, but just to do social things nothing physical, but we clearly really like each other. We’ve had deep chats and he’s told me he has Autism and Adhd, and a bit about what it means. In recent weeks he’s obviously had a bit of an energy crash and hasn’t been able to respond to messages much etc. but I hope we’ll meet again soon. The thing I’m wondering is, how could I best let him know I like him like that. Should I tell him when me meet up? Or not tell him but just leave it to him? I can’t work it out. He comes across when you meet him as quite different. I know he spends most of his time alone, and likes it that way. I just can’t work out what would be the best way to take things forward. He seems very fragile and I don’t want to upset him.

Treat him as any other man. Just tell him.

I’m a wife of an autistic man, i got 2 boys both autistic aswell. What i found with autistic people they cant guess your feeling. My husband are very honest man. He cant lie. Never lied to me at all. But sometimes communication a bit hard. I need to be the one who more active to communicate. If you like this person just tell him truthfully. Dont give hint or anything like that because it might confused him. Tell him face to face about your feelings. What i found in my man and my kids, they are honest, caring and kind.

@MumChp yes but wifh other men I wouldn’t tell them. I am shy and a bit different myself and never manage this stuff.

I think you need to step up. You can do it.

I’m so worried about getting it wrong. Or about making him feel awkward and lose me as a friend when he doesn’t really have many.

That's life I support.

You're already feeling responsible for him.

Is that bad?

Could be, later on down the line. 'He doesn't have many friends, so I ...'

I wouldn’t make a big thing of it. Just suggest things that you could do together . Keep in touch but keep it light. Encourage him to get out more and have a good time with you . Listen when he talks, but also look for what he does for you.

That’s not a reason to turn her back on someone she likes and whose company might be very important to him. Just because someone is in a bad place is not a reason to cut them off, causing further hurt.

He may have withdrawn because he doesn't feel his feelings are returned. I would tell him in a calm non overwhelming way, possibly as bad as it sounds via text, be prepared for him to distance a bit maybe but if it's meant to be he will come back

You tell him that you'd like to spend some time with him, just you and him as you like him. Suggest going for a coffee or a walk, and keep on mind things that you both like to talk about so you don't have to rely on small talk.

In recent weeks he’s obviously had a bit of an energy crash and hasn’t been able to respond to messages much etc.

What do you mean 'obviously'? Has he told you this or have you just decided that's why the lack of contact?

Hmm.

By communicating with him like he's any other human rather than treating him as if he's incapable of understanding communication.

If you are struggling to cope with this, I would suggest that perhaps this isn't going to work out.

My husband is neurologically diverse, I would not change it for the world I love him more each day.

I told him "I trust you, I feel I can really talk to you, I enjoy your company".
Nothing full on.
Nothing that wasn't true.
We moved on to a physical and trusting partnership quite easily and have a beautiful son together.

Just be yourself!

Ask him if he would like to go on a date.

As someone with autism I can assure that we are not a separate species that requires pity (how do you know he wants more friends?) or a different language.
I think you need to rethink your entire attitude and assumptions.

@CherryPizza are you ND yourself? I think like others have said, you need to be clear about how you like him more than friends as ND people don't seem to do subtleties. Also, if he's retreating, have a think whether this is the behaviour you are ok with. You shouldn't be starting a relationship where you're looking after someone already, you should be equals.

My partner is ND and I love him massively. He's very caring and kind and I'd never ever been happier but also can switch off us to protect himself i feel, which is very hard to handle when you are very sensitive like me and rely heavily on the affection/love. I think the key thing to remember in these relationships is not to take things too personally.

I would just say 'I really like you. Would you like to go on a date with me?'

"I just can’t work out what would be the best way to take things forward. He seems very fragile and I don’t want to upset him."
I'm an autistic man.
There's plenty of reasons he won't straight tell you. Bad experiences from the past. Preferring friendship to your absence, even if he wants more. Not having navigated such strong emotions before with someone.
I would tell him. "I like you". That's all it takes. If he reacts unusually don't lose your confidence-- he may not be used to it.

Yes, he has texted me to tell me several things he’s been thinking and feeling and that he’s been ill/burnt out.

I know that. I know it only in the normal way in that when we met there was a massive spark! I don’t think he’s a different species. On the contrary he and I are very similar

I’m wondering if I should have put this differently. I especially like and trust this man and had an instant click wifh him. We’re very similar. I put that he was Audhd because I wanted help with that in mind— while I don’t think he is a ‘different species’ he seems to me quite differently better to most of the men I meet who I largely don’t fancy or understand.

I don’t understand or like their cues or ever initiate anything, though I sometimes find them initiating things with me. In a way, this question was about me too— have I really found someone it’s ok to be myself to? That’s very different for me. But not because he’s different if you see what I mean. For once I can read his signs and do understand him. I just don’t want to f* it up!

It’s hard to explain. I’m in my 40s.

I'm married to one of those. I texted him something along the lines of "I like you as more than a friend and I think you like me too. Let's date". He didn't reply for hours 🙈