Tell me how this is to you

[Loopdeloop86]

Started a job 18 months ago. Naturally bonded with a 30 year old male. I'm 34. He was a cute baby face that made me laugh and he always joked about with me. You know the saying about boys who pull your hair. If he walked past he'd always tap me or flick my ponytail. But it was only me.
We chatted via Facebook purely about work. I know his family too. So we did occasionally chit chat. He had a girlfriend. I had a boyfriend. We never met up out of work it was just Facebook chat that wasn't sexual.

I found out in May he's marrying his girlfriend. Around that time he started looking more sad at work. People commented he seemed stressed. He sometimes messaged me but would just stop replying. I never messaged first or messaged twice.

He got married. Wife looks stunning. Confident. Happy. Their wedding looked gorgeous. So many guests. Followed by a honeymoon that wouldn't have been cheap.

He left where we worked in August. We never spoke again. Until September when he messaged to help me with something. We got into a chat. He thanked me for being there for a member of his family. He said I was the best person at work and I was too good for the place. He sent me a selfie and he was abroad. We chatted a little. Then same story. Didn't hear again.

A month ago he reaches out again. Tells me wife left. Its over they just argue and stuff hasn't worked out. He said they rushed into marriage and he doesn't think itl be sorted. He's on antidepressants. We chatted all night and again it stayed pleasant with a couple of sweet comments. He Said he wants me to be happy etc and my smiles always made him happy.
Heard nothing for 3 weeks. Then he gets in touch again. Said she moved back to try but it has not worked out. They don't talk. Have both agreed the sparks gone. The passions gone. They don't want it. He then proceeded to tell me he's liked me for a year. He told his mum he finds me attractive (she knows me) he said he was too scared to tell me how he felt about me. We've chatted all week. Yes it's got flirty. He wants to see me this weekend.
He feels genuine and nice..I do think there's always been a little crush there.
But I've just been on Facebook and his relationship is full of holidays abroad. Hanging around in groups of friends drinking and cute posts full of photos of them celebrating eachothers birthdays etc.

I feel absolutely no understanding why he would be remotely interested in going from that to me.
I feel I need to ask him a few questions but don't want to sound desperate. I feel he's downgrading.

I also need to hear him confirm they have both split mutually as I absolutely don't want to be uses or dragged Into things.

Really like him. Want to take a chance it's rare i like someone. But what do you think

He's toying with you do you really need his dramas in your life?.
Perhaps it would be better to block him and delete contact details.

he said he was too scared to tell me how he felt about me.

When?

This dude's been married for the last few months (whether it's been rocky or not) was engaged before that, and in an exclusive serious relationship before that ....so when the was (appropriate) moment for him to declare his feelings to another woman?

He's not been single.

He's still apparently not single.
(They would need to split up, live separately and do so for a reasonable amount of time before he's actually single (though he'd still be legally married of course)).

He told his mum he finds me attractive

Oh and I think I know what I'd be saying if my son told me that in his circumstances ....

"Son, maybe separate from your wife properly for 5 minutes before you start telling me about other women you fancy".

He wants to see me this weekend

Where is his wife living?

What does she (not from his mouth) think the current situation/status quo is?

This guy certainly moves at the speed of light.

(Oh but that's because he's had feelings for you for ages .... While he had a partner, and his feelings were so strong not only did he not end things with his partner but he went ahead with a marriage to her).

Hello. Don't worry I twigged on properly last night. That's why I posted on here and messaged him. He was really respectful and told me he fully respects my decision amd he doesn't want to mess anyone around especially not me.

I'm not with my boyfriend and I'm single.

Maybe i do have low self esteem because all I've been doing is beating myself up since last night about my dull life. I go to the seaside with the kids and coffee with friends. I dont have fun weekends out with mates etc. I've never been proposed to or married and I feel pretty uninteresting as my holidays consist of the seaside for 3 or 4 days. Is this normal when you have kids?

For what it's worth I've always had a word with myself with him. I've always played it down into a little crush and ignored it. When he has messaged over the last year he's always sounded caring and sweet.

It isn't nice on his wife. I dont know what's happened or what's wrong. If he had said last night they had both agreed it was done. But there was enough hesitation to know that I wouldn't be allowed to walk with him down the street. I dont want to be confined to 4 walls. I understand taking things slow if he was single. But i want a normal level of something.
I think with Christmas coming up he's gunna have to tick the boxes. Presents and spending time with eachother and family. So I fully expect he's picked the worst time to be trying to leave.

Also I agree we are not friends. We are attracted to eachother. If we meet up things will happen. So that's also not possible.

Say what you like about him, but this alleged 'genuine nice guy' is the same guy who was flirting with you at work, all while planning and following through with his wedding. You cannot deny the duplicity of that.
I suspect he could be a person who's low self esteem results in him trying to gain respect through the people he knows, rather than anything he does. He latched onto the pretty exciting one, living vicariously through her.Trouble with these types is they become players, seeking validation from the women they can collect and show off, while being quite lacking in themselves. They get found out by their other halves and it all comes undone. But their ego is measured by having a woman on the go, so your it at the moment, as they don't have the strength to be alone.

There are lots of men (my ex was one) who like a nice pair of warm arms to jump into. He was never single, he always had the next one lined up. He sounds like one of those men.

It's funny that I was with him for years and I never had a good relationship with his mum - she never liked me as she never thought anyone was good enough for her darling son. So he ended up a man who was never satisfied with any woman, as no-one was ever enough and he was always searching. He still is. I've been married for 20 years and I feel sorry for him.

Yes I agree. It's crap behaviour. I dont want to be his backup plan. As far as I know his house is his. It seems she moved out last time. So I don't think itl be for somewhere else to stay. I have no idea what he wanted.

Even though we left it polite last night he's stayed radio silent today. So he's backed off. So I don't expect I'll hear anything now anyway.

If he had said last night they had both agreed it was done. But there was enough hesitation to know that I wouldn't be allowed to walk with him down the street

I think he's acting very shittily.

To both his wife and you.

Very selfishly.

And I wouldn't even advise getting involved with him when she is moved out and they are properly separated (and maybe divorced eventually) .... because; look at his behaviour. People like that rarely change.
You'll be the one on the receiving end of it if you become his partner. You and your kids.

There are lots of men (my ex was one) who like a nice pair of warm arms to jump into. He was never single, he always had the next one lined up. He sounds like one of those men.

Yep.

It looks like his ltr/marriage is breaking down. It looks like he can't cope with that without a safety net/branch (the red pill community call this "monkey branching" ...they accuse women of doing it, while ignoring the fact men do it as much or more).
He's fixed on you as the safety net/branch because he knew you fancied him/liked him/potentially have feelings for him etc. and he thinks you're a soft touch.

He's trying to cast it as some romantic "I've had feelings for you for ages, I told my Mum about you" thing ..... But it's all totally inappropriate given he was in a serious relationship and then got married, and is still married (and they still haven't even fully and officially separated).

I'd be more inclined to think he hasn't got any other solid options so you're it.
He seems to be going AWOL between contact with you quite a lot. Who knows wtf he's at.

is it wise to get into a rebound relationship? He’s been separated 5 minutes