Hello .
I'm here looking for some advice, support and solidarity.
A man I am very much in love with has ghosted me. Leaving me feeling devastated and broken.
Some Background info:
My Husband and I seperated 6 months ago.
It was amicable.
While sad, I was not devastated . We have remained on very good terms. We have an 18 month old son together.
My friend ( let's call him Tony) was there for me duirin this difficult time. We met up regularly and he would call me to check in with me .
I've know Tony about 4 years and we both attend the same church.
Friendship blossomed into romance, and we agreed to start dating about three months ago .
He showered me with affection and kindness at first.
He seemed such a lovely man.
Tony is autistic and struggles greatly with communication/expressing his feelings.
He has never had a relationship before.
I would ask him " do you want to be with me " and "do you have feelings for me ", he couldn't answer me.
He would go completely silent and look uncomfortable.
I decided to take him on his actions rather than his words. He lavished affection on me and seemed to light up when we were together.
We talked about our childhoods, our hopes and dreams about everything really.
We made so many plans for the future.
The last night I saw him, I told him I loved him.
I have since realised that was a very foolish thing to do, it was way too soon and I have very likely scared him off and sent him running for the hills.
I havn't heard from him since that night I put my heart on the line ( about a week ago) not a phone call, not a message. Radio silence.
He used to call me every night at the same time. I try to call him - he doesn't answer.
I went to church last Sunday , to see him , to get an idea of where I stand . He looked like he'd seen a ghost when I walked in.
when I sat with him after the service he seemed uncomfortable and miserable. Something was very off. I asked him why he hadn't been in touch - he said he'd been very busy but it all sounded like a bunch of excuses.
I asked him to go for walk with me, he said he needed to go home and take a shower. It was the most painful day of my life.
I wish I could take back my declarations of love and my over- the-top behaviour that night.
I've been kicking myself ever since.
I'm devastated.
My confidence and self- esteem is in the gutter. My heart hurts constantly. I'm checking my phone every few minutes. I feel like I'm going mad. When I wake up in the morning it hits me like a ton of bricks and I don't want to be here anymore. I do have thoughts of suicide.
I just want him back in my arms . I truly thought I'd found my soul mate.
At the same time , I'm so angry he's ghosted me like this and doesn't have the decency to tell me it's over.
I love him and hate him at the same time . I swing between feeling optimistic and hopefull that he'll get in touch , to being in the depths of despair.
Please can people give me some advice on how to salvage this and win him back ?
I know that's completely the wrong thing to hope for , but my hearts in such pain . I just want him to come back and make me happy again.
Thank you so much for reading this post and taking the time to reply.