Neighbours copying us..

[sarahsoupy]

So hear me out as I'm sure most will read the title and think here we go again...

We moved into our house about 2 years ago. We have the same house as the neighbours, they're small detached bungalows and we're the only houses like this on the street.

The neighbours are late 70s, retired couple, they're very friendly people.

Anyway, since we've moved in, we've made some small changes to the house, and after each change the man next door has done the exact same thing to his house..

First he changed our gate, 2 weeks later, he changed their gate.
Then we put up a new house number on the front, which also says the street name in it, the man then put up a house number with the street name the same as ours.
At Christmas we put some lights up over the guttering, the man then put the exact same lights up over his guttering.
This hasn't happened yet but my DH said we were looking to get a new garage door, and he's now getting a new garage door.

Now to top it all off, we've just got a new electric car on finance, and a charger.
He's now got a new electric car and charger to be installed.

Our neighbours (opposite) have mentioned they think we're 'inspiring him'.

The thing that's odd as well is, when we moved in he kept saying how wonderful it was to have young people next door, he probably said it about 10 times to the point it was a bit cringey.
Him and his wife were extremely keen to be friendly with us when we moved in, they were talking about dinner parties, going out together with our kids, taking our DS out, lending us money if we needed it, calling us over the fence if they heard us in the garden, wanting to be involved with all of our goings on, wanting to know details of what we bought at the shops if they caught us coming home with bags in our hands - it was totally overkill and made us uncomfortable. We drew back a little and since then they've been bordering on acting quite off with us, which honestly has been welcome.

It feels quite uncomfortable, especially now other neighbours are noticing, as well as the fact they're no longer very friendly.
Anyone else ever had this scenario!?
Why does it feel like he's so invested in us and what we're doing, but also angry with us not wanting to be best of friends?

Reminds me of the weekend I spent painting my bathroom bright yellow simply because I knew my friend who lived in the same estate in an identical house would do the same, as soon as I knew she'd bought the yellow paint I redid mine in blue and put in place the furniture etc I'd bought to match the blue. It wasn't just the house, she copied everything, our sons were the same age, they attended different schools which joined together for religious ceremonies, when they made their confirmation she ended up buying two complete outfits because she thought my son was wearing casual clothes (so she had purchased similar for her son), two days before the confirmation she realised my son was in fact wearing a three piece suit so she rushed out to buy the same!!! She'd ask my son what he was getting for Christmas and then get it for her sons birthday which was early December. We'd been friends since our teens and this behaviour didn't start until we were mothers, it was weird because it was so predictable after a while. Slowly over time I just drew back from her, we both moved house and I haven't seen her since. Re your neighbours I'd recommend ignoring them,you'll never get a reason for their behaviour so the best you can so smile to yourself and think 'idiots'.

@Mudflaps You bothered to paint your bathroom to one up your "friend"
What a waste of time, effort, paint & mental space.
🤯

This is pure nuts.

They sound overbearing.
I would avoid them like the plague.

Put some interesting stuff in the front garden - rainbow flag / free Palestine fag / stop oil poster ... see what they make of that! If anyone asks any questions say the kids are studying it at school.

Overly happy to see a nice, young couple next door! Very sociable you say! Maybe they are swingers 😆

We've been renovating a derelict property and had vaguely similar with an older couple. Not the copying us aspect though. The wife proudly showed me her set of steps she'd bought- so she could peer over the fence at what we were doing in our garden! This is exactly what she told me! WTF!

We recently replaced the fence between the properties to a newer, slightly higher one. 1 comment they made was- won't that block out us seeing what plants you are growing on your back patio?

They invite us to their home- every single time we see them. I realise this is likely just friendly, neighbours welcoming us to the area etc, but it honestly did cross my mind whether they were indeed swingers- hence the seeming obsession for us to come over the their house 😬

I'd probably just check with him, next time you see him, that they'll be ok with the digger you've got booked for the new year to start on the moat. And to let you know if the noise gets too much, but it should only be three days once it starts.

(or you just drop the hint you're going to go completely Colin Furze on the underground developments)

I'd look on the brightside, their house that you have to look at regularly is to your taste, rather than an eyesore.

Exactly this. You’ve got an enjoyable year ahead.

Oh honestly life is way too short to get worked up about shit like this. Be friendly and polite and just let them be! Aesthetically they’re probably doing you a favour really, cohesion and all that.

Sounds like your upgrades are inspiring them to get the same, your being their trend setter.

Nothing wrong with that, they are liking what you do and doing the same, not sure why it makes you uncomfortable, not like he's stealing your undies off the line...

Here you sound about fifteen. Who cares??? 😂

What are you saying she should apologise for though? Why does not wanting to apologise, when you haven’t done anything wrong, childlike? Genuinely, I’m just not sure I understand what you’re saying.

Edit - never mind, I’ve read it again and you’re not saying she should apologise but you’re saying she should give them mince pies?

I’m with you OP - it’s weird! It sounds like the neighbours expected you and your family to socialise with them. When that didn’t happen to the level they expected, they copy all the changes to show they’re keeping track of what you and your family do. Possibly they are doing it to get a reaction or to start a conversation. Do you think it could be both husband and wife or is one of them the main driver?

I would put up as much privacy screening up as possible (and if they copy that’s twice the privacy screening).

Who cares? People are weird but they aren't harming you.

A Viz top tip.
Neighbours copying everything you do .
Paint your windows with creosote.
They'll find it a right bastard to come off.

@sarahsoupy why is this on the relationship section? If you really wanted opinions you should have asked on AIBU

It's nice you have so much capacity to devote to this.

Would you prefer if their garden had a discarded mattress and a shopping trolley?

Have added to end

I’m so sorry but I think it’s wonderful you have supportive and involved neighbours. They’re from a generation where neighbourly relations were important and these days it’s becoming harder to find.

elderly friendly (nosy) neighbours are great security for a street. They always know what’s going on! they can also be great babysitters or take the post for you etc.

I wouldn’t care less about the upgrades. I’d see that as a compliment that you’re inspiring them. Why does that bother you? A beautiful street only increases the value.

As for the overkill, if it’s bothering you, I’d be open with them and say something like ‘hey, thanks for the invite. We’re pretty private/busy people, so you won’t see a lot of us, but happy to keep in touch once every couple weeks’ or something like that.

They sound like they are a little crackers but they mean well. With the door, the chap definitely sounds like he was just lonely and wanted to engage either with you or the door fitters, but did it in a rather clumsy way. Taking a very nosey interest in what your neighbours do is probably more common than you think. For example, from remarks made to me, it seems to be the norm round here to stalk right move for local house prices/looking at how many bedrooms etc everyone has. ("Oh but you've got that nice big kitchen" said a school mum who'd never come to my house before but had clearly looked at pictures! She was by no means alone in this sort of thing).

Honestly I think you could stand to be a bit nicer to them. At the very least they will tell you if your gutters are leaking long before you notice it yourselves.

What are you, 13?
They put up a house number and Christmas lights and bought an electric car! Hate to tell you but you aren't the first people to do these very, very mainstream things!

It's a bit odd but it really doesn't seem that awful. Just carry on living your lives and don't worry about what they are doing next door - surely?

Honestly if your gut says something's off, something's off. I think some of it is possibly innocent (like the car as this is a big investment) but some of it is not cool or funny as I suspect he thinks he's being. I know others will probably call me out here but my cynical view, if you put nice kindly or lonely neighbours to aside for a moment is the guy is controlling, attention seeking and entitled, possibly narcissistic.

Neighbours should have a respect for boundaries this is a fundamental principle and the way they encroached so hard emotionally at the beginning is a red flag in my opinion. Annoyed he can't control you all, the lack of respect of your boundaries which he/they feel entitled to.

I would be very cautious, don't react to it...the tactic is to get inside your head and live rent free. A bit like gaslighting if you know the play Gaslight the character makes subtle adjustments to the environment to make his wife feel like she's going insane. It's kind of a joke to him but not a joke if you get the gist.

Thete is a house down south somewhere with a great white shark sculpture on the roof....try that!