Neighbours copying us..

[sarahsoupy]

So hear me out as I'm sure most will read the title and think here we go again...

We moved into our house about 2 years ago. We have the same house as the neighbours, they're small detached bungalows and we're the only houses like this on the street.

The neighbours are late 70s, retired couple, they're very friendly people.

Anyway, since we've moved in, we've made some small changes to the house, and after each change the man next door has done the exact same thing to his house..

First he changed our gate, 2 weeks later, he changed their gate.
Then we put up a new house number on the front, which also says the street name in it, the man then put up a house number with the street name the same as ours.
At Christmas we put some lights up over the guttering, the man then put the exact same lights up over his guttering.
This hasn't happened yet but my DH said we were looking to get a new garage door, and he's now getting a new garage door.

Now to top it all off, we've just got a new electric car on finance, and a charger.
He's now got a new electric car and charger to be installed.

Our neighbours (opposite) have mentioned they think we're 'inspiring him'.

The thing that's odd as well is, when we moved in he kept saying how wonderful it was to have young people next door, he probably said it about 10 times to the point it was a bit cringey.
Him and his wife were extremely keen to be friendly with us when we moved in, they were talking about dinner parties, going out together with our kids, taking our DS out, lending us money if we needed it, calling us over the fence if they heard us in the garden, wanting to be involved with all of our goings on, wanting to know details of what we bought at the shops if they caught us coming home with bags in our hands - it was totally overkill and made us uncomfortable. We drew back a little and since then they've been bordering on acting quite off with us, which honestly has been welcome.

It feels quite uncomfortable, especially now other neighbours are noticing, as well as the fact they're no longer very friendly.
Anyone else ever had this scenario!?
Why does it feel like he's so invested in us and what we're doing, but also angry with us not wanting to be best of friends?

Sounds like a complete non-issue and you’re looking for drama. Just ignore them and get on with your life.

When you moved into your house, how similar was it to his house? He's probably rolled like this for years.
The way to play it is to mention whatever it is you want to do next, leave a gap so he does it first then do yours in a different style. Or, I'd mention stuff you don't particularly want to do, wait for him to do your plans, then do something entirely different.
It's odd, but is it really a big deal? Probably no loss that he's withdrawn a bit.

You need the tackiest Christmas decs for the garden.. Let them go seek out the same then remove yours...
Mention a fake Santa and full set of reindeer... Keep tutting they haven't arrived yet. Let them spend £££ sourcing one... Then let on you have cancelled yours as his look so fab....

@allthatfalafel no I agree with you, but it was as if he didn't want to believe it was composite (like the fitter had told him), so he saw the white side and wanted to believe

Oops, believe it was upvc, like his.

Then when he accepted that fact it was upvc, suddenly he tells us he's fitted thousands of them in the past...

Wasn't upvc

My in laws were like this. They copied everything their new neighbours did, from the exact same new car (twice) to the dancing club they joined. Eventually they suddenly seemed to lose interest and moved onto other people and were positively unfriendly and rude to the first neighbours.
I'm no help as I can't explain it, except to say FIL was very much a show off and had to be the best at everything. Maybe keeping up with the Joneses.

Honestly I think overall it's a positive. There are so many people in their late 60s onwards who can afford it but spend zero on their house, don't care about upkeep, looks like a disaster, next people who buy it have to spend a fortune ripping all the horrible 1970s carpets and fitted wardrobes out etc., finding hidden mould and damp and god knows what.

It's good to encourage older people to actually care about spending money on their homes for future buyers or their kids and to take a bit of pride in where they live. Far better they copy you than getting horrible artificial grass laid and calling anyone who objects ageist.

This. I really couldn't get worked up about it. They probably see how nice your house looks and it spurs them on to do theirs up.

I suspect that when you improve your side they probably think that there side looks a little bit scruffy and feel the need to "catch up". I do not think there is any malice in it, they probably just do not want to let anyone down.

Not of your choices are unique though surely it's nicer, than neighbours who do nothing and basically let the homes and garden fester .

From what you’ve said in your OP, neither you nor your DH sound very nice TBH. They’re elderly and just want to be friendly. Yea they’ve gone a bit far but for them to start being off with you, you must’ve been a bit too abrupt with them. For the sake of neighbourly relations, why not take them a bottle of mulled wine round or some mince pies? I’m sure they’ve got the message that you’re not keen on them being so full on, but taking them something will be a gesture to say no hard feelings? Just an idea.

I don't want to give them mince pies because I'm not apologising for anything.
They came on way too strong, tried to boss us around and invaded our privacy, as well as making us feel uncomfortable whilst trying to settle in our new home.
As a PP has said we put in boundaries and there is nothing to apologise for.

I’m not apologising for anything Sounds like something a sulking 4yr old would say with their arms crossed……

Well if that’s your attitude then prepare for a lifetime of living next door to enemies!

I wasn’t suggesting the mince pies as an apology, I meant as a “we’ve too many and thought you might like some” Some of us do nice things for other people without the need for a legal obligation

@sarahsoupy but you sound so inspirational .... I too am now considering copying all your amazing choices can you share the details?! 😬
You sound really mean imo

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery as the saying goes. They obviously admire your taste and probably don't have the imagination to come up with their own ideas.

I can see that it can get irritating. I have a friend who used to copy me a lot. (I think she had a rough few years then her life got better and she stopped doing it so much so I think it was a sort of safety/comfort thing for her.) I never said anything but it did grate sometimes as I'd spend a lot of time planning and researching stuff, she'd just say "that's nice, where did you get it" and next week she'd have the same decor, dress or meal plan. It made me feel like I couldn't really have a style/taste of my own as I always had a doppelganger!

I suppose there's only a limited number of things you can do to the outside of your house. Just don't show them the inside!

Aesthetically it looks better from the roadside to have matching gates, lights etc

Most are choosing to have electric cars now

I think youre being slightly paranoid it really doesn't matter

Can’t see the harm, really. If you think something looks good in your own garden / house exterior, it can’t be all that jarring to see it next door too.
You’d have cause for concern if they stored rusty fridges and old sofas out there.

I’d find it weird too. But I would definitely have some fun with it and put some kind of temporary garage door cover on or something and then reveal the real colour

I wish they would move next door to me. One of my neighbours is so awful I have had to employ a solicitor.
Yours sound lovely. Happy to swap.

Just be nice and friendly with boundaries. Id also buy a big blow up grinch for the front as a Christmas decoration, see if they copy 😂

Get a massive Pampas grass and tell the other neighbours you are into swinging and have a room ahem set up with bondage gear and an adult swing 😉

I lived next to an old couple about 30 years ago who were a bit like this (didn't copy us though). It turned out their children and grandchildren lived in Australia and Florida and we reminded them of them all. Once we found out they didn't seem "weird" at all. They have died now and we still hang some reindeer they gave us on our Christmas tree and remember them with great fondness.

Is the “bit of a stir” in the room with us? This is such a non-event event.

😂😂 loosen up fgs