If you met a great guy would you wait for him

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In September months ago I met a great guy. We had met briefly a few years ago via my old job but matched on Tinder recently and started dating. The first 5 weeks were amazing then due to clashing childcare we've not seen each other for 4 weeks.

I really like him. Great connection, chemistry and outlook etc. but I'm an anxious person who struggles with not knowing when I'll see him next. Some days I struggle more than others.

What would you do in this situation?

Hi lovely. I get this I have 2 kids and I am a single mother. It sounds like he is great enough to be focussing on childcare too to be honest. Not just palming his kids off as some men (my kids dad) would do.
I think wait.
The fact he has kids in my opinion would show he is in a similar wave length and let's face it us single mamas (and dads) need to take things slow anyway when starting something new.

If there is chemistry, don't waste it good luck x

Thanks so much @twentytwentyfour2024

Yes he seems to be a great Dad and very involved with his son to the point where he has his more than 50/50. Part of the problem is that his schedule is fluid around his boy so not easy to plan time.

Yes. It’s hard to meet decent men and I would absolutely wait.

If he wants you in his life he'll put you there

This

Personally I'd watch his actions not his words. I'm very wary of constant excuses.

If it's important enough to him he will make time for you.

@Elasticatedtrousers this is what I'm struggling with. He's not at the moment. But we do live 45 mins apart and there hasn't been any time when we've both not had children.

@Runninghappy that's what I'm thinking. I've been OLD for a year and he's the first decent guy I've met.

You/he could get babysitters so you can have a date, otherwise when will you ever be able to have a relationship?

Really? Not a single evening during the week? Not a single few hours of a weekend?
Neither of you can get childcare?

Seems unlikely... Especially as the first 5 weeks you have seen him a fair bit.

I don't know.

I suppose I would consider what 'waiting for him' is actually going to look like.

If this current childcare clash is going to be temporary then fine, what a couple more weeks. If its going to last indefinitely then, what's the point?

If it suits you to date someone who has similar restrictions to you, where you understand each other, then great. If it's going to lead to frustration and insecurity because you can only snatch odd evenings or a few hours here and there, is it worth it?

If you're turning down invites and the chance of a more realistic relationship (and that's what you want) then, no. But if you're happy to ride it out and see if it's got legs and you're not really fussed about how often you see each other, then wait.

In reality, when you meet someone online, you can't possibly know them well enough after 5 weeks to know if they're worth it. Each of you only knows what the other wants to show you. Eg you have no idea whether he is going out on dates with other women or hooking up with other women at the times you have your children but he doesn't.

If your children are very young and you will be reliant on finding childcare for the meet 10 years, is it worth it?

It's easy for other people to say if a man wants you in his life, he'll make time for you but,.realistically, if you both have the same time constraints - full time children and full time work, sometimes the time just isn't there to find no matter how much someome might want to.

In a situation like this, I'd be very pragmatic.

Is he using this as an excuse?

He has his kid say 60% what about the other weekends / evenings he doesn't have him?

Even if he had his child 100% he could book a day off while evilest the kid is at school if he wanted to see you,

Unless things unexpectedly popped up but you did have plans, I don't think he does sorry.

Ignore evilest 😂😂

Good post from @GreyCarpet — that’s how I’d approach it.

Probably not as I’d see the early days as setting the tone for the relationship and if there were already problems getting to see each other after a few weeks, I’d call it quits.

I met a guy last year who I really liked but clashing work schedules meant we only really had 1 day a week we could meet which meant neither could have any other plans for that day otherwise we’d not see each other at all. After about a month, I realised this wasn’t sustainable and ended it.

It could be too frustrating and restrictive for me.

Seems like this is just the reality of two parents dating but four weeks is quite a long time so I understand why you're not feeling great.

Maybe the thing you can improve is certainty rather than quantity around meeting up? Probably requires you (both?) to be less optimistic about your schedules - so no "I might have a free evening next week" when that's not certain, only to cancel at the last minute or leave the other one hanging. Find the times you're both 100% free, even if you have to do it way in advance, then stick to it. If your free time happens to coincide before, that's a bonus, but you'll have a concrete date to look forward to, which should alleviate some anxiety.

He sounds great I think give a go. You found a good one by the sounds of things. Certainly a good dad by the sounds of it anyway. Isn't a true family man we all look for?🥰

Thank you everyone. I think it's a head v heart decision I'm wrestling with.

He's under a lot of pressure at the moment with work, childcare and pre planned social stuff. Essentially he's having his son Mon - Fri and his ex is having him at weekends as he's got things in the diary. He also says he's exhausted. Communication has dropped off.

He says things will be easier after Christmas. He was taking days off to spend with me but has now run out of holiday.

The lack of uncertainty is making it hard for me. He literally goes day to day with his kid.

Communication dropping off is key.

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem like he's as interested as you are.

@FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee yes....it's just happened this past few days tbh.

I think it’s an easy excuse that will be a constant thing - You can’t argue your point over it and he knows that. He really doesn’t have one spare evening/afternoon? I think he’s probably giving someone else his time.

I have waited before and it wasn’t nice. If he wanted to he would have made time.

Did he ever see you outside of work holidays?

as he’s got things in the diary over weekends, which do not include seeing you - during the most social time of the year.

What is it you are ‘waiting’ for ? you had a fling and now it’s over - have some pride and stop ‘waiting’

It's easy for other people to say if a man wants you in his life, he'll make time for you but,.realistically, if you both have the same time constraints - full time children and full time work, sometimes the time just isn't there to find no matter how much someome might want to.

I agree - it sounds as though, as nice as he is, he just doesn't have the time and space in his life for the kind of relationship that you're looking for.
You shouldn't be struggling and anxious at 5 weeks in. I'd call it quits before you get any more invested.

In your position I would be worried that at least some of this is a convenient excuse for not seeing you. Who has so many unbreakable weekend commitments that they can’t find a few hours for their new love interest? Sorry.