If you met a great guy would you wait for him

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In September months ago I met a great guy. We had met briefly a few years ago via my old job but matched on Tinder recently and started dating. The first 5 weeks were amazing then due to clashing childcare we've not seen each other for 4 weeks.

I really like him. Great connection, chemistry and outlook etc. but I'm an anxious person who struggles with not knowing when I'll see him next. Some days I struggle more than others.

What would you do in this situation?

I'm beginning to think the same thing. Guess it's time to call it quits and go back to the apps!

If a man is interested he will make time

I really don’t understand why people try to date when they don’t have the time to spare.

I knew I had a really full on few months ahead so made a decision to come off of the apps until spring when things calm down. It’s really not a good idea to start dating then say ‘oh I’m too busy’ - if his life is so full right now, he shouldn’t be trying to date imo. It’s not fair on the other person to just sit back and wait for him to make time.

I don't see why this is so unlikely? If he has his kids for a week at a time and so does she (or if she has an EOW arrangement), it could easily be the case that their free time doesn't align. And if they both need childcare at the same time, it's not straightforward to coordinate that.

It doesn’t seem to be OP’s call actually - that decision has been made by
this man who will turn out to be married.

It’s an accurate point that he made effort for the first five weeks.
I just don’t buy the excuse and I say that as a solo mum who understands children come first.

Yeah, I wouldn't be waiting around for him. I'd leave it to him to get in touch and meanwhile live my best life.

But then for me, that definitely wouldn't involve dating apps which I think are the worse thing ever.

I'd be building up my enjoyable life.

Oh , wait, had you already had the exclusivity conversation? I guess that makes a difference.

I"d pull back if I was you. Those excuses I'm not sure of. I'd consider it done in my head but carry on in my life. If he steps up you can then decide.

Tricky one OP.

I met my boyfriend on tinder 3 years ago. He has his 2 children full time as he was widowed young. He works full time and his kids have big hobbies which take up a lot of weekend time.

I am a single parent with my son full time. I work full time, long shifts, days and nights.

It has been hard to get a relationship going as we have some weeks we don’t see each other and communication is slow. Other weeks our diaries align and we see more of each other.

we always plan at least 2 holidays a year and try and get a weekend away a couple of times a year.

I last saw him a week ago when he came to help me install a kitchen appliance and we have a day out planned for Thursday.

We are both aware of how busy we are and we enjoy every minute we get together.

I think it’s not for the feint of heart to date someone when you are both mega busy and have kids. I’d personally carry on but with it in the back of your mind that it could be frustrating and a slow burner.

Look after your heart - honestly. Some guys aren't good at telling women they're not very interested and seek out new partners, keeping people hanging on ... not saying this is what's happening, but don't get over invested too early. Personally I'd be aloof, but that's me, been with DH 30 years so not really a good source 😉

He's letting you down gently OP. Listen to his actions, not his words.

Sorry

Tricky one. I think the key is communication between dates. I'm a lone parent to 2 young kids, my BF doesn't have kids. We can only see each other every 2 weeks, oh and he works in retail so his days off vary! Whereas I work Monday to Friday.
We FaceTime most days and message every day. He lives 2 hours away so we can't really drop into each other either. But I feel secure as he makes time for me, and we plan ahead. If you're feeling anxious and insecure that's not a great sign, this is the stage of the relationship that should be the most fun and enjoyable I think it

Thanks everyone. I've decided to pull back and consider it over. He's gone quiet which is the first time in 2 months. I'll leave him be.

I’d start looking around for other guys to date. I’ve heard these excuses before and they usually mean that he’s either not actually available or is keeping options open. I think you’re going to get your fingers burned, sorry to say.

I don't think its a case of you having the option to wait for him. I don't think he wants to pursue things with you so is letting things peter out.

I think with him saying more time after Christmas is trying to faze you out, at least for now, that's 3-4 weeks away, I'd expect him to continue communicating and plan something solid to wait around, otherwise I'd think he wants it to fizzle out.

Well communication dropping off is never a good sign, is it?

It may be he was full of shit all along; it may also be that he has been having the same thoughts you've posted with here and just made the call sooner than you did and is just kicking the can down the road for a few days before saying anything.