What is most people’s relationship like with their partners parents?

[Hohohoman]

Mine are very distant and make very little effort with us or the kids. They have made it clear over the years that this is the relationship they want. It’s not the relationship I would have liked but nothing I can do about that so we have very little to do with each other.

I have a friend with a fantastic relationship with her partners mum especially . She really treats her like an important part of the family and I have to admit I’m a little jealous as I would have loved this.

Yeah I'd say similar to you. They are nice enough people and will help/come over if asked but will never ever ask us over/invite us out etc. they seem to really want a relationship with our DD8M as they seem to like being around her when we do see them. But again is totally one sided as they never ask to come over or invite us over. What's more strange is that they moved from the opposite end of the country to 20 mins away from us but then don't really seem to want to see us. DH also has 2 sisters and a brother so I'd love for the 5 of us (MIL and 3 SILs) to do things together but it's just never really happened. Again we all live local to each other. I'd be interested to hear others' experiences too like you OP.

I mostly get along with my partner's parents. Her Mum, who's 87 is lovely. Such a sweet lady. I outwardly get along with her Dad too but he's an awful man. He's nearly 90 but he's misogynistic, sexist and abusive. You can't choose your in-laws!

I tolerate them. MIL has bi-polar. Goes on and off meds against medical advice so you can imagine the roller coaster we have with her. FIL is the most emotionally detached person I have ever met, only talks about money and status...isn't particularly wealthy but likes to pretend he is...small holiday apartment is referred to as 'the penthouse', small tiny boat referred to as 'our yacht' etc
Both extremely hard work, thank God they live in a different country!!!

FIL is an abusive twunt so no one has anything to do with him. I keep MIL at arms length because although she is lovely in some ways she has done some terrible things to her kids who adore her and it has damaged them all greatly.

My PIL were lovely people both passed away now, shame their son was a coercive prick.

Despite being fairly introverted, I had as warm a relationship with my in-laws as it is possible for me to have. They accepted me into the family from the moment they met me, and I loved them. FIL was an extrovert and initially (though he never said anything) found me a little quiet and didn't quite 'get it'. But he soon adjusted. My MIL was just a wonderfully accepting and loving woman

Distant but fine. They’re nice, quite formal and boring but pleasant. I see them once or twice a year. That’s fine with me though, I’m dating my partner, not his parents, so it’s neither here nor there to me whether we have any kind of relationship. I wouldn’t want to date someone with what I’d consider overly involved parents. We don’t have or want kids so no grandparenting to factor in either

I like them. We're not very similar people, and I think that MIL would have liked a DIL that's more like a daughter, someone to go to a spa with and on shopping days etc. I'm not really that type, but we get on well. FIL is generally lovely but can be set in his ways and inflexible, but I'm not perfect either so am not going to cast the first stone.
I did notice that when I had DC- their first GC- my hormones were in overdrive and I did feel unfairly pissed off at my PIL for everything. I felt they were intrusive and insensitive and unhealthily obsessed with the baby, and though I can look back now and see that they were a bit too full on, my gut reaction was extreme. Thankfully I'd had 2 babies before this and knew that you can't really trust your own judgement in those first weeks, so I hadn't said anything! But I do wonder if a lot of lasting damage is done in those few weeks when a baby is born, because mother and GP loves the baby very much and wants to be with baby all the time.

My late in-laws were both very nice people but my relationship with them was never close, it was polite and a bit distant.

Me and my MIL were very close until she passed a few years ago. I respected her a lot and we had a great relationship.

FIL is an arsehole (him and MIL split years ago and that affected my DP and his dad's relationship). Anyway, if we see him he's overly loving, saying we have to do this and that and remember when etc... we then never hear from him. He hasn't wished our DS a happy birthday or Christmas the last 2 years so I think the relationship is non existent now.

Same for me. In the 20 years total myself and ex husband were together, I don't think FIL even knew my surname! (I didn't take ex husband's when we married). He never showed the slightest interest in me if it didn't relate to ex husband. When we'd been married 5 years he introduced me to a friend of his as 'his son's girlfriend'! Fucking hell FIL, you were at our wedding! MIL was a self-proclaimed bully and both FIL and ex husband just went along with whatever she wanted for a quiet life. They were goodish parents to ex husband but very unemotional. MIL died 14 years ago and FIL this year.

Polite but distant. I don't think they have much interest in me particularly but they are loving grandparents and that's all I can ask.

Fond. I'm the second wife and I know my MIL hated the first wife. But they are hands off grandparents (or were, she passed away this year and her ex husband some years previously). The kind of GPs that you have to initiate any visits, and there's a 'we'll let you know' response. Fine when we were there and they do make an effort to cook foods the kids love, but they were not about to play a game either the kids or anything.
Anyway I know they were fond of me and I them but never on the level of seeing my MIL just me for a girlie lunch or whatever.

Polite but distant. Not what I'd wish for after 30 years.
Partly I think it was to keep the peace with SIL, who was often jealous that her brother was the first to marry.
We had a couple of recent events and I was firmly on the extras bench with a partner of a mere three years and slightly below the new step kids.
My current annoyance is anecdotes of events, as if new, that I was actually there for.

Relationship is fine but not close. I find them pleasant enough but can be rude and uninterested in us. They prefer SIL’s family to ours, which works out well (after years of frustration and feeling less than/excluded) as means they don’t invade our space too much.
We are very different people with different lifestyles and interests so I have learnt to appreciate the distance and be glad they are not overbearing. My DH sees them more on his own as I work some weekends and he goes then. We have a much closer relationship with my DPs.

MIL and FIL are separated. MiL is great we get on well, go on holiday together etc she really makes an effort and treats me like her own. FIL doesn't speak to me though or have any interest!

I love my in laws. We live overseas but I get on great with MIL despite us being fairly different. We both have the same sense of humor, and she adores the kids.

I love spending time with her and treat her very much like "mum".

When she came to stay after we had DS1 she wrote the sweetest letter when they left, thanking us for letting her be so involved as she knew it wasn't easy as it would be for my mum. But it absolutely was just as easy. I'm fairly free, not particularly "private" so I did exactly the same is as I did with my parents (which was to deliver baby to her every morning after his feed whilst I showered and got ready). She gave him his daily bottle when I started expressing and is just all round awesome.

Not to mention she keeps our fridge/freezer and wine/beer fridge stocked constantly when she visits god love her!!

My husband’s dad and I didn’t get along initially. He had this idea that I favored his ex (DH’s mum) over his DH’s stepmum. They have never been together since I have known them and I can’t imagine either the stepmum or the dad with anyone else… (suspect the mum had been manipulating tbh…) Anyhow, the stepmum had a major health scare while she was dealing with her own mother’s dementia, her children’s own issues, blah blah… and I sent her a bunch of flowers with a note just letting her know we were thinking of her. Both she and FIL realised my DH didn’t think of that. SMIL pointed out that maybe he’d been a bit wrong about me and things warmed up a bit. A few years later, she had a serious MH crisis and was too unwell to be there for him when he had some very major surgery. My DH was away so I wasn’t letting him be by himself. Through this ordeal a LOT of my MIL’s machinations came out of the woodwork with some open conversation. (He now knows my true feelings and vice-versa…. ie, If she were on fire and we were holding a bottle of water, we’d drink it.) He loves me now, and so does MIL.

I get on great with my mil , she has honestly been more of a mum to me , than my own mum . My mum is a toxic , communal narcissist. There is no fil on the scene .

It’s sad so many have distant relationships. I wonder if it’s more difficult for the ladies to be accepted into families than the men? My partners have never had any trouble with my own parents, they’ve always made loads of effort.

Distant is not sad.

My husband's relatives are fine. I see them once a year. 🤷‍♀️

I didn’t get the relationship I wanted but sadly it’s because of my FIL who is a nasty divisive paranoid man who doesn’t like me probably because I’m confident and don’t take any shit off him and he’s a classic 1960s misogynist. My MIL is nice enough, a bit passive aggressive but she at least recognises that im a good wife and mother.

I adored my PIL and was very much treated as part of the family. They lived at the opposite end of the country but they'd come and stay with us for a few days once a year, we'd go to them 2 or 3 times and we would all share a holiday cottage for a week every year. We all got on really well, had a lot of laughs, and MIL was really supportive when I was upset over problems with my DS.

They've both sadly died now and I miss them.

Yeah sorry I’m sure it’s great for some. I’d have preferred a closer relationship personally but that’s long since past. Im
more sad that mine are as distant with our kids also but that’s obviously the way they do relationships. No offers of help, no support, no visits or calls.

My parents died before I met my partner, so his parents were my children's sole grandparents and I only had his mum and my sister to talk to when I was a new mum and finding things difficult. However, they did live 300 miles away, so they were not hands on. DP's father is now dead and his mum is not very mobile, so I try to ring her for a long chat every couple of weeks and get to see her a couple of times a year (DP goes up more than this). So we are close, but circumstances probably threw us together.