What is most people’s relationship like with their partners parents?

[Hohohoman]

Mine are very distant and make very little effort with us or the kids. They have made it clear over the years that this is the relationship they want. It’s not the relationship I would have liked but nothing I can do about that so we have very little to do with each other.

I have a friend with a fantastic relationship with her partners mum especially . She really treats her like an important part of the family and I have to admit I’m a little jealous as I would have loved this.

My in laws died many years ago, but my relationship with them was always vastly better than with my own parents. They were much nicer people, and they didn't judge or interfere.

I think your expectations are the problem here. I married one man, not his family, and while I’m genuinely fond of most of DH’s (enormous) family, they’re not my family, are only particularly important to me insofar as they’re important to him, and I don’t have disappointed familial-type expectations of them.

Yes definitely had to adjust my expectations to zero.

DHs family are very different to mine - late second marriage so I haven't felt any need to conform. I like MIL but in all honesty she’s not that important to me; she adores me (she adored DHs first wife too). DH and DM had a great relationship.

I always now say that a good relationship with in laws is a bonus, not a necessity. Especially if children aren't involved.

We’ve got 2 kids. They aren’t interested in those much either.

I'd say bang in the middle. I'm very fond of them and they seem to like me, but I wouldn't be bothered about keeping in touch with them if I separated from DH.

I thought I had a good relationship with my late husbands parents, and indeed after he died we’d regularly meet up for coffee / brunch or whatever. After all, we’d been together for the best part of 25 years. But then, for no reason that I’m aware of, 3 or so years after he died they just stopped retuning my calls / emails. I sent them birthday / Christmas cards anyway, and got nothing in response. Weird. And quite sad as the shared memories and their understanding of him are not things I can talk about with anyone else. But on another level, I do understand why they might not want to be constantly reminded that he died so young. So difficult perhaps, rather then weird.

Dh was the golden child, the third of 3 DC. They are very clear that I wasn't good enough, even thirty years and three successful adult DC has changed nothing.

I should have had a clue in their second-class treatment of their own DD. They only wanted a boy. They said they'd have had ten DC to get him.

How do you behave around them knowing they don’t like you? It must be really awkward. I’m wondering if mine secretly don’t like me.

They are very peripheral to my life despite living within a few miles.

I'm pretty unimpressed with them, both as parents and as grandparents and they have no real interest in us. It's a shame but c'est la vie.

I loved mine despite my mil being tricky at times we had a great relationship. I really enjoyed being with them

Fil liked me but was a very introverted man. He and I had.l a polite friendly relationship. He died 9 years after dh and I met. Mil was an amazing woman. I loved her to pieces. Went on holiday with her and my 2 oldest once. Called her mum. Dh says I was closer to her than he was I think thats the truth.
She died 5 years ago not a day passes where I dont miss her. both Fil and Mil were involved and engaged grandparents.

My parents like dh but there is a language barrier and we do not live in the same country. So their relationship was /is less developed. Mum died 9 years ago. Both dad and stepdad are around still. Mum was uninterested in my children both dad's are interested and want to know about their lives but again distances makes it harder.