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Original poster

Boyfriend said he didn’t know her but obvious he did

27 replies

riddla · 01/12/2024 10:43

Me and my boyfriend of 6 months walked into a cafe in an area where he says he has loads of friends. I’ve just moved in with him and so I’m new to the area. A woman around 5 years older than us said “oh hi babe, how are you?” And completely ignored me, so directed this at him, he said “hi how’s it going” and then walked past her.

Later on I asked who it was and he said he didn’t know. When I pressed a bit further because it sounded like she knew him he said “maybe she does know me but I don’t know her”. My gut is telling me he is lying and I don’t know why it bothers me so much.

I’m not usually a jealous type or distrustful but my gut is screaming at me and I don’t know why.

OP posts:
Original poster
riddla · 01/12/2024 10:55

Just to add as well, he has some form for lying about insignificant things. He told me a month or so ago that he’d said “I love you” to 3 people in his life (including me) and then said he didn’t feel love for his ex. Then last week he said he did say I love you to her.

it’s just so odd… why lie? Why even mention the number of people you’ve said that to????

OP posts:
SnugCoralFinch · 01/12/2024 11:09

You clearly don’t trust him and he has a history of lying - why move in with him so quickly though 😅

Itsmeagainunfortunately · 01/12/2024 11:15

You know he is a liar

Liars don't have to have a reason. They usually give an automatic response to say what seems the easiest option at the time. The truth isn't important to them.

There may be a reason he denied knowing this woman. It may or may not be an important reason. But he felt the easiest option, the one that suited him, was to deny knowing her.

If you stay with this man you are setting yourself up for a life of doubt and mistrust because you will never know the truth of what he says.

TwistedWonder · 01/12/2024 11:16

Why have you rushed into living with a man who has already shown you he’s a liar?

You’re still at the honeymoon stage and it’s already giving you doubts. I would guarantee there’s more about him you don’t know

ImNoSuperman · 01/12/2024 11:19

You've moved in with someone you barely know into an area he knows well. You are going to run into all his exs and one night stands.

From your reaction to someone saying hello, you are the jealous type and unlikely this relationship is going to last.

category12 · 01/12/2024 11:19

I think you might have made a mistake moving in.

Of course he knew her, no idea why he would lie so stupidly.

Seems like a waste of time being with someone you can't trust.

FacingTheWall · 01/12/2024 11:22

You don’t trust him for whatever reason. Doesn’t mean he’s lying about everything though. My DH often has people greet him, he says hi, has conversations and when I ask who it was afterwards, he often has no idea. He meets a lot of people through work and sport, and is just awful with names and faces.

pictoosh · 01/12/2024 11:23

In my personal opinion, this is why people shouldn't be so quick to move in together. Six months isn't very long to throw your lot in with someone else.

"When I pressed a bit further because it sounded like she knew him he said “maybe she does know me but I don’t know her”."

Not a common scenario is it? Would make me go hmmm as well. That's all part of the getting to know you process before you make any sort of lifestyle commitment.
It's not necessarily anything dodgy...but you have prickled for a reason.

Missamyp · 01/12/2024 11:27

ImNoSuperman · 01/12/2024 11:19

You've moved in with someone you barely know into an area he knows well. You are going to run into all his exs and one night stands.

From your reaction to someone saying hello, you are the jealous type and unlikely this relationship is going to last.

Why are people like this?
Most people have exes, jealous behaviour is so suffocating.
If the op keeps this up, this relationship will be over before it's started.

YouZirName · 01/12/2024 11:29

Missamyp · 01/12/2024 11:27

Why are people like this?
Most people have exes, jealous behaviour is so suffocating.
If the op keeps this up, this relationship will be over before it's started.

Show quote history

Agreed.

He obviously said that because he knows what your reaction would be if he admitted knowing her 🙄

RedHelenB · 01/12/2024 11:31

Missamyp · 01/12/2024 11:27

Why are people like this?
Most people have exes, jealous behaviour is so suffocating.
If the op keeps this up, this relationship will be over before it's started.

Show quote history

This. Everyone lies at some point or other. Why does ot really matter hie many tines he's told someone he lives them. What matters is whether he loves you and his actions match up to it.

TwistedWonder · 01/12/2024 11:32

Tbh OP I know loads of people by sight that if they said hello and I was quizzed who they were or how I know them, I’d struggle to remember.

Many of us say hi to passing people we vaguely recognise and don’t expect yo be interrogated about who they are.

Missamyp · 01/12/2024 11:36

YouZirName · 01/12/2024 11:29

Agreed.

He obviously said that because he knows what your reaction would be if he admitted knowing her 🙄

Show quote history

The ops partner will now be on alert and try to placate them to avoid an interrogation. Using language like pressed because someone said hello.
I've been in a relationship like this, it's like dating the KGB.😅

Original poster
riddla · 01/12/2024 11:39

if a man said “hi babe” to me, he would be asking the same questions. it’s a bit more than a simple “hi”.

OP posts:
category12 · 01/12/2024 11:48

riddla · 01/12/2024 11:39

if a man said “hi babe” to me, he would be asking the same questions. it’s a bit more than a simple “hi”.

Assuming you're not usually prone to becoming the Spanish Inquisition and he's not living in fear of your reactions, then his lie looks really sus.

A normal person would just say yeah we used to date or we hung out at school whatever.

Going to the lie, even if he's not doing anything wrong aside from the lie, just means you can't trust him. And it's a painful road to take being with someone who'd rather lie than be open.

Missamyp · 01/12/2024 12:00

riddla · 01/12/2024 11:39

if a man said “hi babe” to me, he would be asking the same questions. it’s a bit more than a simple “hi”.

I'm sorry, but I don't agree. What are you looking for? A confession? Why are you on alert? I think this is more of a you problem, not him.

TwistedWonder · 01/12/2024 12:02

riddla · 01/12/2024 11:39

if a man said “hi babe” to me, he would be asking the same questions. it’s a bit more than a simple “hi”.

So again why have you moved in with a man who has proved to be a liar and theres trust issues between you? Ridiculous

I hope to god there’s no kids involved

namechangeGOT · 01/12/2024 12:04

riddla · 01/12/2024 11:39

if a man said “hi babe” to me, he would be asking the same questions. it’s a bit more than a simple “hi”.

It really isn't! I get called babe/hun/love/duck/cocker/spadge by a million people, on a daily basis - men and women. Many of which I do not know.

ImNoSuperman · 01/12/2024 12:06

riddla · 01/12/2024 11:39

if a man said “hi babe” to me, he would be asking the same questions. it’s a bit more than a simple “hi”.

Some women greet everyone with Hi Babe, including other women. Your jealousy is obvious. She's obviously attractive or you wouldn't care.

rwalker · 01/12/2024 12:21

some people aren’t liars they like an easy life and just tell you what you want to hear for a quiet life and to shut you up

honestly I couldn’t cope with being questioned about someone I said hello to

have you done this before if you questioned him about an hello he probably won’t feel comfortable stopping to talk and he will feel he’ll have to explain himself

Wherethewildthingsfart · 01/12/2024 12:25

I wouldn’t assume that she knew him just from what she said but I suppose you had to be there.

smallsilvercloud · 01/12/2024 12:39

Some people are very over familiar with the way they talk, she may of only seen him a few times in passing and calls him babe, she could be a ex fling and he's embarrassed to admit that to you, however he said he loved his ex which would be the deal breaker.

MounjaroUser · 01/12/2024 12:41

You have moved in with him far too quickly. You don't know him well enough. I would be very suspicious, too, and wouldn't be happy with his explanation.

Original poster
riddla · 01/12/2024 12:45

I don’t ask him anything usually. We’ve seen his exes out and about and he’s introduced me to them, no issues whatsoever.

The woman who spoke to him was looking over at him many times when we sat down. When I said she’s looking at us, he said please don’t say anything to her, I might know her just forgot and I don’t want any drama. I’m not a dramatic person at all, very quiet and shy.

It’s not jealously im feeling, it’s the feeling that he has lied. So what if it’s an ex or a one night stand? And no, I wouldn’t say she was attractive, but each to their own

OP posts:
MounjaroUser · 01/12/2024 13:03

I reckon she was a one-night-stand.