Would you send one last letter or is it pointless?

[Chattenoire]

I've gone NC with my sister. It's been two years, and so far so good (or great!)

I obviously feel bad for my DM but I've told her it's not really her fault.

It might be the season, but would it make sense to write a final letter? Or simply there's no point?

I don't ever want to see/talk to her again, so from that POV I don't see why it would make any difference.

I dont understand what you would be writing a letter about- unless it's to try and build bridges but you've said you don't want to see or talk to her again?

If you don't want to reconcile then I see little point. If you think you want to get something off your chest and tell her some home truths, then again I don't see the point. You've gone NC with her which surely gets the message across. Why would it be your mum's fault anyway?

What’s the point in the letter?

No, don't do it. I know (very well) the temptation to lay it all out for her but in reality, she's not going to get that letter and realise she's been abominable and change overnight. She's just going to use it as another stick to beat you with.

People we need to go NC with often HAVE to have the last word (otherwise LC would work fine) so a letter would likely come back to bite you.

My DM thinks it was due to bad parenting. My sister's logic is that she could borrow my clothes but I couldn't borrow hers, so my DM thinks that caused a life of resentment.

I feel I’ve come in halfway through something! What has been going on?

Write it and then destroy it, that way it gets it off your chest.

Right. I assume there are much bigger issues at play than just borrowing clothes? Why would your mother blame herself for such seemingly trivial behaviour and something which isn't exactly uncommon between teenage girls!?

So is your mum encouraging you to write the letter?
What are your thoughts on what went wrong between you and your sister? Could better parental refereeing have helped? If so, it's for her to do the leg work.
You say your sister thinks you resent her because of borrowing clothes, but is this illustrative of preferential treatment, a golden child/scapegoat dynamic?
There isn't enough information in yours posts for a stranger to offer useful advice, and you don't have to answer the questions but some things to consider.

Well it wasn't between girls, it was between grown up women! (It lasted as long as we lived at home which would have been mid and late 20s).

But anyway there's a LONG list, but I guess my DM never taught us to apologise. When I think about it I don't think either of us did.

But I was the only one that was ever told off.

Three independent sources have said my sister was either a complete bitch or she at the very least mistreated me.

So would the letter be to offer an apology?

Write it, read it, burn it.

Maybe? At least to apologise for the tempestuous exit and that it's better this way.

You didn't write who the letter would be to, what for, or why you would do a pretty strange thing like that?
Did you mean write a letter telling your sister why you hate her? Don't do that.

Cross posted. It's all very vague.

Bah. I'm NC with both my sisters.
It's a joy not to have to deal with them these days.

Don't send the letter.

I'm not sure why you need to let her know ‘it is better this way’. If she is NC too then surely she knows this too.

Is your letter meant to make her think again? If it is, then just be straightforward - ‘shall we meet and talk’.

Unless you want to reconcile I simply don't see the point. It looks like you are wanting some more drama between the two of you.

Why write a letter to apologize? That makes no sense. You already posted you did nothing to apologize for.

Why write a letter asking her to apologize? You know she won't.

She had always been very persistent to be present in my life, she would always impose herself, even though I tried really hard to keep her at a "healthy" distance. But because no matter what I did, she never got the memo I used our last fight as an excuse. She called me a thief in my own home, but at least that was seen as severe enough that nobody really ever questioned it again.

You sound like you want more drama tbh. You want to write her a letter to say "nyah nyah I'm not speaking to you!"

You're probably right, (I don't necessarily want more drama though).

That reminds me, I did tell her not to gift my DD anything but she went ahead and got in touch and did it anyway. My DD is old enough to make her own mind (13) but I still feel she crossed a line.

Sounds like two adult women in my family, blaming their 90-year-old mother for parenting them wrong.

It sounds like your sister has been on your mind but you don’t have a clear idea of what you might say to her if you reached out.

I would dwell on it in the New Year and if you get a clearer idea of what you might want to communicate and what you would want to achieve from reaching out then draft something and read it and see how you feel.

Let her send presents to your dd those two have no beef ? Why can’t they have a relationship l?

If your mother allowed her to take your things growing up and only gave out to you, well that IS awfully parenting.

Your mother IS to blame for your sister thinking her behaviour was acceptable.

Do not contact her in any way.
Tell your mother to shush and refuse to discuss it.
Your relationship is over and there is no need to engage further.
I wouldn't allow such a person near my child.
Your 13 year old should not be making her own choices.
You need to protect her, you are the adult.
If she is an awful person then why would you allow her near your daughter?

Review your decision on that score.