Would you send one last letter or is it pointless?

[Chattenoire]

I've gone NC with my sister. It's been two years, and so far so good (or great!)

I obviously feel bad for my DM but I've told her it's not really her fault.

It might be the season, but would it make sense to write a final letter? Or simply there's no point?

I don't ever want to see/talk to her again, so from that POV I don't see why it would make any difference.

Seeing the situation, I really would NOT contact her because this would be an opportunity for her to reinsert herself into your life.

And from what you’ve described, it’s your mum that shouod apologise anyway. To you and to your dsister.
Has she apologised to you for treat8ng you differently than your sister and for not protecting you?

Yes, I think that's probably best. I think I just wanted to explain my side of the story but also explain that I don't hate her and do wish her a good life, just that I don't want to be part of that

I never had any real attachment to her, which

a) she could pick up on

b) was caused by resentment

Whereas to me they're separate things, but her actions though life just made that gap bigger..

Gosh, I’d like to read your sister’s version of this.

She'll probably say that some of the things that became issues were planted by our parents. But even if we remove that from the equation, there are still two things that remain unresolved:

a) she dated the bully that ruined my self esteem (about 10 years after the events) but to her there was nothing wrong about it.

b) she once told me I only got close to our uncle to get money out of him. When he was like a father figure to me.

What Ruggsey wrote.

Your mother created this dysfunctional dynamic between you two.

Do not open this Pandora’s box because if you do it will be twice as hard to close it again. You are NC with your sister for good reason.

Do not write this letter because this, no matter how carefully worded, it will be seen by her as an attack, and she will react accordingly. It will invite a response you don’t want.

If your sister is too toxic or otherwise too difficult for you to deal with, it’s the same deal for your child too. Your sister crossed your boundary by contacting your child too.

Tune Into your most genuine feelings.
Do you want to send good wishes at Christmas? Then send a nice card.
Do you want to stir up old battles? Then do nothing.

The whole point of going no contact is that you break contact. No contact is a thing you do for self preservation as a last resort after every other attempt to mend the relationship has failed (or after severe abuse which has not happened in your case.)

If you find you have a need to contact a person, then no contact may not be the right way to handle the conflict. In your case I'd suggest your next move should be therapy. Your family dynamic doesn't sound that positive. Your mother shouldn't be involving you in her uncertainty about her parenting. Your sister should respect your belongings.
But you don't have any control over them, you can only manage your own thoughts and feelings. So thats where you should focus your energy next.

I did go to therapy! For 5 years she told me that my sister would always be my sister, and I agreed as a factual statement. But being a sister has no meaning to me so to speak.

Oh and believe me my DM is high drama! She once made me cry in the middle of a shopping centre like 3 years ago because she was "scared" and then because I ended up having a panic attack (because of what she said) she threatened me to get me sectioned.

That threat has been a common denominator in our lives, my father did that to my mother, and both my mother and my sister did the same to me. I've never done it to anyone BTW.

I dont know if you've noticed but instead of thinking about disengaging and working on yourself to leave the past behind and move forwards; you've deflected on to your sister and mothers behaviour. Google 'enmeshment' and 'parentification', and see if either of them sound familiar.

Enmeshment does sound like something I could explore.

For many years I was told I had to be the "strong one" because my sister was "weak" when in reality I was living my own personal hell (it was to me at the time to the very least).

I always felt like my real feelings never mattered to either of them