Ignoring me

[siyana]

How do you deal with the absolute heart ache when someone you've been with on and off for 6 years, talk daily to, do romantic things i.e. spa, hotels, spend day's together (although we were ex's, we only was together for around a year) to suddenly ignoring me for a week straight. Telling me twice on different days that he will call me later on in the day, sending a sad emoji and saying sorry i make u feel incomplete and hurt. I have been sending multiple messages everyday asking what i have done wrong and why they are suddenly ignoring me and i will even try to call them. He even replied on one of the days saying he is around people and will call me when he gets in and why is the world panicking if he's just doing his thing. I said how can you put me in that category and that he hasn't been around people for days he can't even ring me to tell me whats happening. He hasn't rang me at all of course, I even sent a voice note of me on one occasion crying. I feel so embarrassed for myself because I feel like how can someone that i was always there for suddenly treat me like this. Numerous times I will know he is speaking to another female he slept with in the past but he would always apologise and spoil me after, said im special because he took me to his mums house. It all sounds very messy I know, deep down I said to myself time and time that I know one day this will all have to end but I just feel like he’s the only male that has come into my life and stuck by as a single mum with no contact with her baby-dad. I just want to stop thinking about him, get on with my normal day to day, not breaking down everywhere I go if someone asks me I am okay like in a DR appointment toady. How have I let someone make me feel so sad like this when I know deep down how it is. To mention as well the relationship ended when he suddenly put his hands on me but said it was because I don't know how to shut up. I literally have no friends. This is just so scary :( I feel embarrassed to even be posting this here

Why do you send multiple messages? Honestly even if i liked someone, that would give me red flags. I'd doubt I could meet their needs.

Because I don't know whats suddenly happened I feel like I have no closure and when I am alone or at night in my bed its when it hits me the most.

You're not owed closure. You're straying into territory where a man who has hit you can accuse you of harassment. He's done you a favour. Heal and move on.

This is your sign to move on. The relationship sounds unhealthy for you.

Block him on everything to give yourself the space to get over him.

I guess your right, I just think to myself if that was me I would not want to subject someone to that kind of pain especially if I can see they have been calling and texting me. The night before everything was fine told me they're proud of me and I can always rely on him and to keep up the good work to never hearing from them. I let the first 24 hours go pass because I thought maybe their phone broke or something until I realised that he was online on snapshat and blocked me from their story because they would post everyday before. I've lost people in my life because they said I don't want to let this man go. Where do you start by healing? Do you literally force yourself to take care of yourself because I Don't put effort into my looks no more and have lost my confidence from being someone that was so confident. Hearing it from someone directly does really make a difference to know your a real person because I have just been on google trying to find answers and basically what you said..

Have you ever put your hands on a partner?

Please stop begging this POS for attention because he will use your vulnerability against you when it suits him

I know you’re hurting but stop messaging him. Understand that he’s doing you a huge favour not replying he sure he’s a disgusting abusive cunt who doesn’t have any respect for you

Please and I say this with kindness, find your self respect and cut all ties with him.

I read the first part of your post as meaning, this is someone you dated for a year - and have been his ex now for 5 years, although remained in contact?

Honestly, this is not healthy. He's an ex. Not a partner, or a friend. He owes you nothing and is offering nothing.

Block him and move on. You'll never find anyone else whilst you are clinging to this dead relationship.

Deep down I know its unhealthy and its probably the sexual chemistry that I have believed I can never replace, the feeling of being comfortable around him and safe, although I never asked him for anything he would always give me some money every few weeks and ask if I'm okay even if its taking my kids out for the day he would give me £40. I just wish I could deal with this the same way he is. A part of me thinks maybe he found out something in the past but even so he is not loyal as I confronted him a few days ago while hes been ignoring me that i have seen him comment 'goddess' on a females picture. Wow i really do feel embarrassed thinking about the last few days and the fact i am still messaging him. I hope this post can really just give me that sense to just stop messaging him and let it go. I completely have lost my appetite and would sleep at any given chance and then always wake up at 4am :(

Yes thats correct. We were together for around a year when he lived with me and it started off very nice until a few months in I found out that he got back into contact with some girl in a old town he used to live and still visisted to go there at times as he had a lot of friends there to and I became very inseucre and the relationship went down from there and at that time 6 years ago I was very social and had a lot of friends in contact and some of them were male and i opened up to two of them because of the problems that started to happened and he went off for a bit and then came back to me without the title would still say he loves me, texts me everyday, calls everyday, morning messages, share any little thing in our day. It sounds terrible now when I actually type everything..

You send multiple messages a day asking why he won't contact you and voice notes of you crying?

Well... it's pretty clear why he isn't responding.

You're harrassing and emotionally blackmailing him.

I think the more you try to speak the more they will ignore you. It’s awful - my ex used to ignore me so you have my sympathy but you have to stop reaching out.

You need to block him on every single avenue of contact.

Can you imagine how he rolls his eyes every time you beg for attention. Just cut it out. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

This man is a Narcissist and/or an Avoidant, who has no real feelings or care for you. He is breadcrumbing you. At worst, ghosting you. He knows what he’s doing. He’s cruel,

Take a look at instagram. Search for Myavatar.
She is a young woman who talks total sense for people in situations like yours.

There’s lots of support in Insta, you just have to look for it. In time you will distil who you follow down to those who make most sense to you.

Meanwhile dump this guy. He’s not worth it. Life’s too short.

I don’t like to say it but I think he is probably with another woman and been using you as a stop gap until he found someone else.

Its crazy you say this, I didn't know so many people would be saying the same thing. Because I would pray to god in the last few months in particular and ask him to protect me from people that don't have any good intentions and I always knew that there was no future between me and him. Its true, I have pushed away so many people because of him and even when guys would try talk to me I would try and it just never works I just end up ignoring him. Do i need to just be more sociable in terms of giving people time?

This really cut deep and hurt :( I have been thinking this when I'm overthinking at night especially because I know his routine he would always call me at night in particular when he's at home on his PS5. Its like how can I not come into your mind... I just don't get it. I even sent him a message from my mum asking if I'm okay as she can tell something is up and he ignored it along the other messages apart from his inconsistent two replies saying he'll call me later. Thank you everyone, I feel a bit better writing this out because I was really sitting in my house earlier in the dark replaying this whole situation

Where do you start by healing? Do you literally force yourself to take care of yourself because I Don't put effort into my looks no more and have lost my confidence from being someone that was so confident.

Yes, that's one place to start - self-care even if you don't feel like it or like you don't deserve it. Start doing whatever you used to do in terms of personal grooming, every day, every morning. It'll make you feel a bit better to do it.

I've lost people in my life because they said I don't want to let this man go.

Might be worth trying to contact any of these people (if you think they might be receptive still), and let them know you are no longer with the guy, that you understand why they stepped away, but if they are willing, you'd love their support to help you stay away from him.

And actually stay away from him. Block him. Stop contacting him.

Focus on you and your child and just choose, consciously every day, not to contact him even if it's just saying to yourself "just for today, I won't contact him, I just need to get through today" and the next day tell yourself the same thing again, until you no longer need to.

I know, I said to myself the look he's probably doing everytime I send a message. I'm just scared as well as he's the only guy that has intimate videos of us (sorry not sure if I can say the other one) but yeah moral of the story is I never trusted anyone with my life like I did with him. Whenever its back to school he would always gift me some money towards kids school uniform... and another thing I want to get off my chest but I keep looking at the girls account that I suspect he may be with because she posted herself in the same place as him and with the same type of music he listens to... its like im forcing myself to feel grief for someone that is still alive but treating me like im dead

This man has destroyed your mental health. Your self-esteem is at complete rock bottom, and you have lost touch other people and your support network because of him.

Please do everything in your power to end this awful relationship, and you will soon be feeling so much better.

Your right. Thank you so much. I used to always take care of my hair before, put some light make-up, dress nice and now i just find myself putting my hair all in a bun from when i woke up and wearing the same clothes. i do have a diganosis of depression and anxiety and he helped me a lot, well i felt much happiner when he was in my life, more safe and secure... now i just feel scared because i think to myself if something terrible happens he won't know and i don't know why i feel like that for someone that does not care.

Your right. Thank you so much. I used to always take care of my hair before, put some light make-up, dress nice and now i just find myself putting my hair all in a bun from when i woke up and wearing the same clothes. i do have a diganosis of depression and anxiety and he helped me a lot, well i felt much happiner when he was in my life, more safe and secure... now i just feel scared because i think to myself if something terrible happens he won't know and i don't know why i feel like that for someone that does not care.

Your right. Thank you so much. I used to always take care of my hair before, put some light make-up, dress nice and now i just find myself putting my hair all in a bun from when i woke up and wearing the same clothes. i do have a diganosis of depression and anxiety and he helped me a lot, well i felt much happiner when he was in my life, more safe and secure... now i just feel scared because i think to myself if something terrible happens he won't know and i don't know why i feel like that for someone that does not care.

I can't find the Instagram can you give it again please

It is not a good idea to be so reliant on someone else to make you feel safe and secure. You need to build up your own feelings of self-worth, and I really don't think he is going to help you do that.

You are not in a good place right now, and that is no time to be desperately trying to make this (or any other relationship) work. You need to work on yourself first.