DH is a Nag (lighthearted)

[BruFord]

This is somewhat lighthearted but also a genuine issue with my DH and I wonder whether anyone else is in a similar position.

My DH is a lovely person, but he always has a list of things that I or we together need to do. Literally every day there’s something that he says has to be done, from life admin to buying a new widget, to repairing X, etc., etc.

Today is Thanksgiving, a national holiday here in the US and all I want to do is relax and enjoy a meal with family. But yet again, earlier this morning DH came up with two things that we need to do! The only time he doesn’t do this is when we’re away on holiday so not very often.

I just wish that he’d stop with the endless “to do” lists. Does anyone else have a partner like this and how do you shut them up?! 🤣

YES!!!!!!!!

My DH has the most overactive brain and never slows down. He is always finding jobs…for both of us! And nothing can ever wait. It drives me bonkers when all I want to do is watch the TV or doomscroll.

In terms of shutting them up…I’m hoping someone co es along with some advice 😂

That's me! Genuinely, from time to time I make a list of lists I want to make 😁

I am the list maker. I always have a project on the go. I feel guilty if I'm not making best use of the day. To be honest it is making me miserable! How can I stop?!

@Summerhillsquare I have no issue with list making, lists are v. useful. But do you tell your OH every day what needs to be done, or do you just get on with your list?

The “ being told” part is what I can’t stand, Yes, I know that we’ve discussed getting a new washing machine in the Black Friday sales, but I don’t want to think about it on a national holiday. I just want to relax! 🤣

Am single so merely torture myself 😁

I find it quite disturbing that you have to diminish this by putting ( lighthearted) in brackets. If it's something serious enough for you to be posting it in relationships then it is not "lighthearted".If it were " lighthearted " you would not be starting a thread about it or it would be in the " chat " topic and therefore bracketing it with stuff not to be taken seriously at all.
But you are talking about him trying to organise your life for you.
You are talking about something that upsets you.
So it is not "light hearted".

Sorry @Alwaysindependentlyopinionated, I didn’t realize that this section was only for serious relationship issues.

It really isn’t that serious, I was wondering whether I’m the only person who has a partner like this- he’s not controlling at all, he’s similar to @StormingNorman ’s partner, he has an overactive brain and is constantly thinking about what needs to be done and he shares it with me. I just find it abit tedious after 20-plus years.

Re. The washing machine. If he mentions it again today, I’m tempted to channel Andy Pipkin, point randomly and say “that one.” Except we might end up with a crap machine which wouldn’t be helpful. 🤣

It’s mildly annoying to have someone always on the go when I’m trying to relax but he’s not organising my life or controlling me.

DH bugging me for my car keys because he’s suddenly decided my car needs to be cleaned or the oil checked isn’t the worst problem to have.

Exactly @StormingNorman, they don’t get angry if you’re not interested, it’s just annoying.

Any one can start threads in any topics they wish, I assume.
But really if this is " lighthearted" for you ,and it's just a joke, you are doing a total disservice to the OP's who post in the relationship topic and whose problems are the very antithesis of " lighthearted".
If it is " lighthearted," why post in what is an essentially serious thread where OP's are generally really, really in need of advice and support?

@Alwaysindependentlyopinionated

You sound abit controlling, as if you’re telling another poster what to do.

I’ll abide by your rules in future.

I don't know what you are talking about.

You can do whatever you want as far as I'm concerned.

I was just questioning why you are trivialising one of the topics that offered serious advice for posters with serious problems when topics , such as Chat are available for " lighthearted " issues.

I'm glad your life is so problem free.

You're not being made to read or reply to any thread, you can overlook the ones that aren't to your taste. You do not get to dictate the content of this board and who gets to post here. The fact you think you do makes you sound like a pomous self important knob head. Report the thread, see where that gets you. You bully.

Op I am the chronic list maker. I even have a group chat with my partner in where I make lists of things we need to do that day/week. I know sometimes he just wants to zone out and finds my lists stressful. Strangely I find it equally stressful to have obvious issues / things that can be fixed or need addressing just waiting round needing to be done while I sit about doing nothing. I suppose we work well together because he would get very little done without a push and I'd never sit down or relax, the balance is good!

This is not a "divorce" topic, its a "relationship" topic. You can post about your relationship with your kids, your parents, your friend, your boyfriend or anything about your relationship with your partner.

As for you OP, I would tell my husband to enjoy his list making as much as he wants to but to keep me out of it. End of story. I know it may not be as easy as this, but keep inserting that boundary and hopefully, he will stop. Good luck!

What happens when you say "no, I'm not doing that today"?

Tell him to narrow it down to three make sure it has xyz features and let him go for it

@category12 Nothing, he doesn’t have a hissy fit or anything. He’ll bring it up again in a day or two, he just always has a to-do list.

Perhaps I should start making a DH to-do list and see whether it annoys him? 🤔

Why can't he do the items on the to-do list??

I'm not dictating in any way.
I would actually take the OP's post as a serious issue.
I questioned why she was demoting it to being " lighthearted".
I would have given a serious reply if OP hadn't indicated she wanted it to be seen as a joke.

@Anotherparkingthread That might be what it is, that he thinks that I won’t get certain things if he didn’t remind me! But I’m not completely lazy, I don’t need a manager. 😂

Yep, give it a go 😂

@Alwaysindependentlyopinionated I see it as a lighthearted niggle, because generally we have a good relationship. He doesn’t control me, he just likes his lists and I find him talking about them annoying!

I could have written this 😂
Apparently, my agitated reaction is what upsets him the most. As of I am supposed to be ecstatic the list of jobs, mid week, whilst cooking tea (a job I do everyday).

I just remind myself that I could have a DH week does f*all, take a deep breath and do some of what he wants (not all as I have a high energy job!).

Yes. I try and make a to do list for him, funnily enough he doesn't love that either!

@Traceability I wonder whether it’s the implication that we’re not doing enough or forgetting to do things that’s really irritating?

As you say, it’s not as if we’re sitting on our bums all day, we’re busy people and unlikely be ecstatic with their to-do list. 🤣