Husband makes me say sorry all the time

[Eyeofthetiger30]

My husband makes me say sorry all the time. It feels like every time something comes out of my mouth, he says 'say sorry'. I am so fed up of being treated / told off like a naughty child. He rarely takes any responsibility for his actions when we argue and says that I am the cause of all our arguments. In arguments, when I say something like 'please stop saying that, you're bullying me' he says 'you're the bully, you just called me a bully'. I'm struggling to articulate how his behaviour makes me feel, but in arguments his behaviour feels pretty toxic. Any advice appreciated!

Gaslighting at its finest 😞

Just awful x sorry that this is happening to you x

Circular arguments?
he’s always right?
has he tried to isolate you from friends / family?
does he have grandiose ideas about himself?
do you feel like your walking on eggshells?

Google Darvo - deny, attack, reverse victim offender. He’s being horrible to you and making you think you caused him to do that.

It's to diminish you and keep you on the back foot.
If you have to say sorry on the regular but he never does, who's got the upper hand?

People who dish it out but won't take it are bloody awful and they never change.

I think you’ve articulated yourself really well, actually. That’s patronising and gaslighting. Tell him you’re certainly not sorry, but if he doesn’t grow up and start taking responsibility for his failings, then he bloody will be!

There's nothing you can do about someone like that. Just leave.

My advice is definitely not to have children with him and to plan an exit strategy.

You're an adult. Absolutely no on one this planet should be telling h you to say sorry under the circumstances that you describe.

Stop wasting your life with this nasty little man.

Tell him you're sorry you married him and leave.

In a nutshell.
People like this are very difficult to be around. They truly believe they are correct and righteous about whatever they are spouting...and what's more, they view anyone who disagrees with them as an aggressor.

Your attempts to reason with him or reach a compromise will be viewed as an attack as well as proof of how stupid you are.
Forever.

Well don't argue back and don't say anything unless he speaks to you first. If he tries to argue just say,, uum, and walk off. Or you could leave him.

Run for the hills do t look back.

Hello. This sounds really hard. There’s no reason at all you should always be saying sorry. He’s twisting things to make you question yourself in a deliberate and cruel manner. Well done for posting here and questioning it as it can be so hard to see when you’re in it. Sadly I think it’s unlikely he will change. I think you know what the solution is. Good luck.

Sorry for marrying you mate.

Leave as this will be your life forever and it will only get worse.

Nasty behavior. Tell him the only thing you are desperately sorry for is for marrying a self righteous and infantile prat who's incapable of holding his own in an argument. I'm sorry that you are being treated like this OP, He needs to understand that this is not acceptable behavior and apologies to you.

*apologise not apologies

Tell him you expect a more scintillating repartee than ''say sorry'' a la a 3 year old!

He’s abusive. It won’t get any better! He’ll continue wearing you down if you don’t end it.

Can you give an example?

I do think it’s important for couples to say sorry after an argument.

But it sounds like he just doesn’t like you much.

Why are you calling him a bully?
If you genuinely think he’s a bully then why are you still with him?

It’s pretty obvious that this relationship doesn’t work, so what’s your plan?
To keep being miserable for years and letting him treat you like a child.
Or actually thinking enough is enough and you deserve better than this.

I was tired just reading that, get rid, he's an arsehole

Absolutely this

I've been out with some utter twats but there is always something on MN to shock me.

LTB.

Say sorry, my arse! What a twat! Get out of there before he gets worse.

Tell him you're sorry you married such an abusive cunt and BTW go fuck yourself. Assuming he isn't violent of course. You don't need this. He's a bully and abusive. Make plans and leave. I'm so sorry you have this going on OP

'you're the bully, you just called me a bully'

well now your a bully because you just called me a bully.

he's projecting and this does not sound like a nice man.

if you don't have children, I'd get out before you do. men like that get worse once they know you can't leave and abuse typically escalates during pregnancy.