Typical lipstick on collar

[sparkle420]

So my partner went to work away which is basically dinners and drinking conference type of thing, when he came back I noticed he put his shirt straight in the wash which is unusual for him. I had a look and found a lipstick mark on his collar and I asked him about it he said he didn't know it was there and he hugged alot of people that night... I feel like that could possibly be true if it wasn't for the placement, I have been suspicious about a certain co worker he went with and I noticed their behaviour was odd after the event as he works from home I hear alot of his usual day in day out so e.g not having as many single calls as their work buddies so they cover for eachother and when in a team meeting they were very quiet and not as chatty this lasted for about a week or so and now it's back to normal... would you be suspicious, has this happened to anyone you know and it was an innocent hug it's just I can't understand how lips touch the neck with a hug I have added an image of the shirt.

If he's anything like my exh who barely knew how the washing machine worked I'd be very suspicious

I wouldn't start packing his bags just yet; it's very circumstantial. But I'd be watchful from now on, in regard to this work colleague.

He did try to by immediately putting it in the wash?

A hug could easily lead to it tbf BUT considering you've got other suspicions I would begin investigating!

Sorry OP, your spidey sense about their behaviour coupled with him flinging it in the wash uncharacteristically, I think somethings happened. Personally I’d not sleep with him again (and get yourself checked) and start getting my ducks in a row for divorce.

It’s not conclusive but I would be on high alert for anything suspicious for the next couple of weeks.

@sparkle420, taken together, it looks like he has indeed been up to something illicit with this OW.

You’ve already had niggles about their relationship, and then his behavior changed after the trip. He put a lipsticked shirt in the machine, decreased calls with her, and for a week they interacted in an atypically subdued manner during team meetings.

I think it’s likely that something happened between them, and he has told her that you saw the shirt. Perhaps he has shut things down with her, or maybe they have been lying low for a bit to throw you off the scent.

You need information, so I would investigate his phone, statements, pockets, etc. for a while.

Can you elaborate about what triggered your suspicions prior to the work trip?

@MsDogLady so it started off with a gut feeling I've never had in my life, he had stopped most communication when he would go away with work the little video calls on the night and stuff, he took lube with him and tried to sneak it back into our box but I knew it was missing, very protective of his phone all apps are set to private so you can't see any messages when you pull down to look it just says WhatsApp content hidden which never used to be like that, he's lied to me about going somewhere I asked not to take our children and he did but told them not to say anything so in my mind what else are you lying about, leaves me on read when he goes out and not seen online for hours which is fine if this was the usual but it wasn't like this before... it was all those type of things that kept happening that triggered this gut instict feeling it was awful so i ended up saying to him I can't take this feeling anymore has something or is something happening because your behaviours have been weird and sneaky and he admitted in the time we went through abit of a rough patch he was tempted a few times when he worked away by women at the bar because he needed his ego stroked I suppose... I'm conflicted on this I feel like not once have I been tempted by another man no matter what our situation was at the time and it hurts to think he was actually considering having sex with a stranger just because we was clashing abit and now wonder if that's all or if he's just said that to shut me up.

What on earth was his explanation for taking lube with him OP?
Surely it must have been more than temptation if he was doing that?

He took lube with him!?! Tbh I'd finish it for that alone - he may or not have used it but he was planning to have sex with someone else not you.

It's not looking good all things considered...sorry op.

You know what’s happening, OP. You know.

@Alwaysindependentlyopinionated @OrlandointheWilderness he said he took it to use on himself because he had some privacy in his hotel room but were very open about masterbation anyway I know he does it and is fine with that so I don't understand why he was sneaky with the lube

obviously been kissed on the neck by someone wearing lipstick

All these changes are giving me a gut feeling too.

Have you washed the shirt yet? I would make a comment about the lipstick in a jokey way and watch his face and body language.

“That lipstick came out nicely” (big smile)

He's a cheat

Ok: he is cheating. And he has made you feel horrible by trickle truthing you and blaming you.

Oh give over about the lube for wanking. That’s about as believable as the old “posh wank” line when condoms are found.

It's all adding up to the obvious and I expect he's done more than think about it. You should have more than a gut feeling by now, it's been badly hidden by him. It's probably more a feeling of not wanting to face it. Time to get your ducks in a row unfortunately. What's your situation? Do you have DC's? I note he's a DP, so not married, hope not a SAHM in that case.

Being suddenly protective of his phone clearly indicates he’s doing things he doesn’t want you to know about. Things he hasn’t previously done.

This to me suggests online dating/chats or an affair.

Trust your gut OP.
Sigh

💐

I'd be more concerned about the lube he took on a previous business trip than the lipstick on the collar!!!

Bin him

At least you have a sign that he might be embarking on an affair. Forwarned is forearmed, so to speak.

I had no sign, there was nothing on her phone. I don't remember seeing anything that would concern me. There were s few things a little out of character. She started shaving her pubic hair; not usually her thing, but all of a sudden it was; and she became preoccupied with shopping for expensive perfume.