Typical lipstick on collar

[sparkle420]

So my partner went to work away which is basically dinners and drinking conference type of thing, when he came back I noticed he put his shirt straight in the wash which is unusual for him. I had a look and found a lipstick mark on his collar and I asked him about it he said he didn't know it was there and he hugged alot of people that night... I feel like that could possibly be true if it wasn't for the placement, I have been suspicious about a certain co worker he went with and I noticed their behaviour was odd after the event as he works from home I hear alot of his usual day in day out so e.g not having as many single calls as their work buddies so they cover for eachother and when in a team meeting they were very quiet and not as chatty this lasted for about a week or so and now it's back to normal... would you be suspicious, has this happened to anyone you know and it was an innocent hug it's just I can't understand how lips touch the neck with a hug I have added an image of the shirt.

I’ve been thinking far too much about this lube.

I think I almost believe him.

Because quite frankly would you like it if a man whipped out his half empty tube of lube at a hotel tryst?

Surely if he was using it for cheating he would just buy a new tube and throw it away afterwards rather than risk the OW been a bit minged out by his old lube tube and his wife noticing it. Unless he’s really tight with money. I dunno…..

😔

For me if the woman was shorter then an embrace and cheek kiss could rub some makeup on the collar that way? If she was wearing quite a lot of it? But why leap towards the washing machine?
If it was legit then he'd not even notice it was there. Has he bolted to wash his shirt when a drink or food stain inevitably went on there? Almost certainly not.
If it was innocent he'd just put the thing in the laundry pile as usual. Gawd. Doesn't look good at all.

Which man even thinks about Lube so far in advance anyway? 🤔
If I was with some dude and he produced a probably scuzzy, half used/probably scented (so totally unsuitable) bottle, I would tell him I have my own, thanks anyway.

You aren't dipping a strawberry scented cock anywhere near me. 🤨

completely misses point of thread 💐

Lube for a pre-planned wank 😆😆🙄🙄
Give over

@sparkle420, per your updates, I’d say that he is cheating.

The changes in his behavior — cutting communication when away, blocking transparency on his phone, ignoring you when he goes out, lying about his whereabouts, taking lube on the trip/sneaking it back, putting the lipstick stained shirt into the wash — all point to infidelity. He’s out there acting like a single man.

Regarding his guff about being tempted to cheat with bar randoms while working away because of a rough patch, he was indeed throwing a bone to make you STFU. He could be cheating with strangers when away, but it’s more likely that he is having an affair with this colleague you are suspicious of, who is with him at home and on work trips. His shutting you out in general points to a local OW.

He’s primed to shift the blame for his cheating, which is bullshit. His unethical decisions are not the fault of you or your relationship. He is responsible for protecting his fidelity and being a safe partner. Instead he has created distance between you to make room for another woman/women.

@sparkle420, it sounds like you can’t do much investigating as he has now locked you out of everything. Being distressed with constant anxiety and uncertainty is no way to live. You’ve spoken to him about your discomfort, but he has failed to change his sneaky, secretive, devious ways. I wouldn’t be able to move forward with him under these circumstances, and would be speaking to a solicitor to learn what my options are.

Your gut feeling is there for a reason and now he's gaslighting you into thinking it's all in your head.

Sorry op, I KNOW how awful and sickening that feeling is.

For now - act as though you've accepted his version of events and do as much digging as you can.

(Emails, phones, receipts, bookings, bank statements, bags, even in his car).

I don't usually jump to conclusions but I think it's highly highly likely he's cheating. What an absolute bastard.

Only time will tell if there is An OW.

It doesn't hurt to start getting ducks in a row for financial and life split. Get paperwork and documents, finances etc in order so you know where you are.

This will go one of three ways most likely

1. it blows over, nothing is said. everything goes back to normal
2. you have it out with him and he gaslights you saying you are crazy and imagining things and he can't live like this and leaves (goes to OW)
3. he confesses (eventually) and you try to make it work but can never trust him again

I hope it's all a misunderstanding and everything works out op. But it doesn't hurt to prepare just in case so you and your kids are ok.

I think men do think of lube ‘in advance’ if they are hoping for anal sex.

Mens problem solving minds are often along the lines of “I will probably need this thing, I have already have this thing, I’ll use that one, problem solved”

They don’t tend to think “if I whipped out a half used tube/bottle of lube with a woman she will grossed out”

It’s also their failure to think many steps and scenarios ahead that gets them caught doing shit they shouldn’t.

for example “I have lipstick on my shirt, I will put it directly in wash and no one will see” is the problem solve approach. He didn’t think “doing something out of character will lead to partner wondering why I did that and seeing it anyway and me having to explain it, rather than just throwing it in the basket (or on the floor) as usual whereby when asked I can just say “that short stack Maria from accounts gave me a hug good bye, probably was her, I hadn’t even noticed it tbh”

a man using lube to wank? give over...

Sounds like he's up to his eyes in it tbh. I would want to see his phone and if he doesn't hand it over thats your answer.

I mentioned this thread to my partner. Just the bare bones and the lube. I'm really sorry OP. Men don't tend to require lube to jerk off. And they don't plan a wank like that. I really feel for you. Please take the advice from others on here. Ducks in a row and please look after yourself xx

This is very clearly an affair. I’m really so sorry. It’s awful.

Play dumb and get your ducks in a row as they say.

If it walks like a duck...

I wouldn't believe him for one second

Lube?! 😂

thats a new one on me. Im sorry op but the shirt aside, youve got gut feelings about the work colleague but lube? Why does a man need lube when planning a work trip wanking session??

I don't know what to do, I feel like I have always trusted him from the start and now 8 years later I'm having these strange feelings I've never felt towards him before and I worry that it could be me over thinking things and ruining our relationship because he didn't have to tell me about being tempted he was truthful when I asked... I feel so confused I keep trying to get past it but its now effecting my dreams and then the gut feeling comes back but there's no way of knowing for sure without going through his phone which I just can't bring myself to do... I'm sorry I'm rambling I just feel so strange at the minute, thank you for all your input everyone x

I'm sorry but the telling you in my opinion is very likely to begin blaming you.

'Well I did warn you you weren't inflating my ego and I had a need ' it is actually pretty common for cheats to blame shift. You shoukd be able to ask him outright

its now affecting my dreams and then the gut feeling comes back but there's no way of knowing for sure without going through his phone

Sorry, but you do know. Your brain and body know. You just don't want it to be true.

You need to deal with it, or I think will end up ill.

@sparkle420, considering a ONS when away does not explain his shutting you out like he is doing. His behaviors have changed. It’s clear that he is up to no good and you are buying into his subterfuge.

Unless he is deleting everything, the answers you need are on his phone. If you are able to access it, I suggest you investigate it from top to bottom.

because he didn't have to tell me about being tempted he was truthful when I asked...

You don’t know he’s being truthful. He’s probably just admitting to the smallest thing he can think of in order to throw you off the scent and to make you not suspect anything deeper.

@Beastiesandthebeauty yeah that was his reason because he didn't feel like I found him attractive anymore and we wasn't having much sex and all touch stopped between us and I understand that it can be hard to be in a relationship if your needs arnt being met but I have bipolar and my medication wasn't right so I was going up and down and I suppose I neglected him abit but it just hurts that he could be tempted by mindless pointless sex whilst I was struggling.

Nobody take half used old lube for meet up with their lover.
The lipstick mark could easily have been left by friendly embrace.
It's hard to say OP.

Nobody take half used old lube for meet up with their lover.

Some men would. Who can tell if a tube of lube has been used before anyway? No one looks that closely.

No one takes lube with them because they're planning on having a wank though that's for sure.

Very fishy.