Female friend at meal

[mangoandice]

So wanted some mental health advice on how to cope with my feelings about myself and situation coming up.
I am invited by oh to work event.
A lady who my oh was very friendly with few years ago going to be there and I have incredible anxiety about this.
Long story but out marriage was very vulnerable back then because of situation with her. We got through that but I just have minimal self esteem or confidence in myself anymore. I am worried about his work event as I feel inferior in looks etc and scared that I will feel like exploding with emotion
The lady in question still in my oh life but he knows that I was devastated by finding out they were alittle bit too friendly previously and had a secret outing maybe a couple more with her not sure. I have spoken to her since and all amicable on surface but inside i feel anxiety on a terrible level.
How do others cope when you come across someone who almost wrecked your life. Oh as guilty but I never pushed full story as was too scared.
We are in good place now but it did change my happy comfortable feeling I had with my life. Something is broken now and has been repaired but never have the same feelings I used to have.
Very sad but choose to be still in relationship for all the good things but it is not the same special relationship I used to know. Still sometimes can't believe what he did back then but need to face this other lady in social situations and it feels very uncomfortable in my stomach.
Help I need advice.
Feel worried about my outfit, personality, everything.

No he is one of bosses

You say you're in a good place now but go on to say it's not the same and not as special.

If you choose to remain in the relationship that's one thing.. But why are you not declining the invite to this event, or better still asking your OH to sit it out or indeed find a new job away from this woman.

Sorry OP but you chose to stay in a relationship after what sounds like an affair, at least have the dignity to get some boundaries in place. Sounds like you're being taken for a bit of a fool.

Surely it’s primarily your husband who ‘nearly wrecked your life’, and you manage to see him on a daily basis?

She is always there but at present I feel bad about myself for some reason.
Just lost all confidence and feel very low in my mood and depressed recently.
Just not good.

Yes

Need to go
Can't not go
So question is how do I cope get through it?

Why can you just not go? I don’t think it would fair for your OH to insist you go. You are not comfortable going. It reads like you are dreading it.

Neither of us going
Just discussed
Thanks everyone

Glad your OH isn’t insisting on the work event. That’s a win.

I think it was anxiety, not bull.

I think people lose sight of this little nugget. It’s always the women they want to burn at the stake.

First rule of misogyny - women are responsible for what men do.

Yes I did. I think you’re being a bit cruel tbh.
I her situation to be invited to a work event and prior to having a chance to discuss, it is easy to get anxious about what if I do go? How will I cope? Does my OH’s job depend on him or both of us going?

I think the thread was started so she could express her anxieties and verbalise what to say before discussing with her OH.

Then she did and it’s all good.

I don’t agree that her anxieties are “bull” “wierd” or “odd”

Thankyou to you for your kindness

Have a day off

@mangoandice I am just going to say I'm really sorry this happened and for the impact it has had on you. I hope your self-esteem comes back / recovers this knock and it sounds like your OH is doing the right thing, moving in the right direction.

I think it's awful OP that your DH is still working with the woman he had an inappropriate relationship with. One of the first requirements for you being able to move past his relationship with her should have been that he no longer works with her.
I don't see how you can ever move on from his bad behaviour if she is still in his life and this expecting you to socialise with her is just a bye product of a horrible situation for you.

Thankyou

@mangoandice what have you done for yourself since this happened? If you stayed and plan to stay for the long term you should really go to therapy for your self esteem. It sounds crippling

When is it?

Could you have some therapy beforehand?

I feel like anything I say will come across as patronising but it’s not meant to be.

But I would basically remember that there’s nothing going on between them and you and him are in a good place.

It doesn’t matter if she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.
If DH wanted to be with her, then he would.

Perhaps have an excuse to leave if you need to.

Good luck 💐