Female friend at meal

[mangoandice]

So wanted some mental health advice on how to cope with my feelings about myself and situation coming up.
I am invited by oh to work event.
A lady who my oh was very friendly with few years ago going to be there and I have incredible anxiety about this.
Long story but out marriage was very vulnerable back then because of situation with her. We got through that but I just have minimal self esteem or confidence in myself anymore. I am worried about his work event as I feel inferior in looks etc and scared that I will feel like exploding with emotion
The lady in question still in my oh life but he knows that I was devastated by finding out they were alittle bit too friendly previously and had a secret outing maybe a couple more with her not sure. I have spoken to her since and all amicable on surface but inside i feel anxiety on a terrible level.
How do others cope when you come across someone who almost wrecked your life. Oh as guilty but I never pushed full story as was too scared.
We are in good place now but it did change my happy comfortable feeling I had with my life. Something is broken now and has been repaired but never have the same feelings I used to have.
Very sad but choose to be still in relationship for all the good things but it is not the same special relationship I used to know. Still sometimes can't believe what he did back then but need to face this other lady in social situations and it feels very uncomfortable in my stomach.
Help I need advice.
Feel worried about my outfit, personality, everything.

Wow! Why are some posters so unpleasant and unsupportive? I just don’t get it at all! I’m sure some people on mumsnet use other posters to project their own anger issues onto. @mangoandice came here for advice whilst feeling insecure, vulnerable and down and instead of trying to help her…made her feel more vulnerable.

I get that there are a lot of men haters on here and yes, maybe she has accepted some shitty behaviour from her OH, but that is her decision. She has done what SHE wanted to do and what was best for HER. It doesn’t matter if you don’t agree but she doesn’t need further kicking from posters on here who are supposed to be her allies.

OP I am glad you are not going to this event for your own sake. I think what you really need to do is work on your self esteem and try to get to a better place.
I haven’t read all replies but start doing some things for just you. If you can afford it, treat yourself to some new clothes and get your hair done. Feel better about YOU and have a good long think of this relationship is definitely what you want. If it is then make it very clear that you will never accept another ‘mistake’ and ensure he is doing everything to make you feel loved.

I totally understand you. I have a similar situation where I have to see my the woman my ex OH had an affair with most days, as we have children at the same school. It gives me daily anxiety and can really make me feel rubbish. I used to love taking our children to school, now I have a small dread in my heart in case we see her or end up walking next to eachother. Sure, mostly his fault but she knew what she was doing too, and were both hiding it from me. Seeing her reminds me of all the stress, anxiety and feelings of betrayal I had when finding out. They both denied it for months and my now ex made me feel like I was mad and paranoid, until I had evidence and confronted him with it.

I can't afford therapy but listen to podcasts and self-help books which helps a bit. With time it will get better.

Sorry, not much advice just to say I understand. Glad your husband has decided to not go. Have a nice evening together instead.

Try to reverse it in your head - he rejected her in favour of you.

Good that you are not going to this event but I think working on your self confidence going forward would be a good idea otherwise this will continue to eat you up. Maybe some therapy if you can afford it or read some self help books.

You are enough just as you are but you need to believe that xx

I wouldn’t want this woman to know how she’s making you feel. So a little bit of Dutch courage and a big smile would be my go to!
Is there anyone else you know at the event that you could hang out with if your partner is busy talking to other people?

Well done on discussing this with your partner and deciding not to attend. The fact he isn't going either is a good result. Going forward please consider having therapy to help build your self esteem and restore your confidence in yourself and in your relationship.

I wouldn't go to the event. It's a works do. Surely your presence is optional. You need not concern yourself with it.
I would question the fact it feels like you are still threatened by the feeling your husband might still have feelings for her. That's not good that he hadn't managed to restore your confidence in him as a faithful partner. Have you attended therapy together?