Im drunk and calling from.................. (insert lovely London restaurant ), Im so angry.

[melsy]

Am I stupid to be upset this evening?

He seems to be doing this more and more. He said they had been there much earlier and been drinking since then.
He only called half an hour ago , when Im actually expecting him home and I was in a particularly wound up state getting the girls in bed and abruptly rang off and told him "you know what , see you later".

dd1 has been at home for 2wks school holidays and Ive got kid ar to many days out fever.

It feels quite disrepectful , but may be Im being over the top? BUt its like , she wont mind , shes at home with the kids and doing bed.

Im really resenting his freedom and the calling from nice restaurants , when Im cleaning nappies and alone with 2 kids. It sucks really , it feels so old fashionably sexist , I didnt think hed really be like this , how stupid am I.

I didnt make a fuss when he went to spain on a stag do last weekend , nor when he goes out with freinds after wrok and I know about it, but this last minute thing really ticks me off. Especially as he complained as I talked of doing things with some friends one Sunday to have a break form being mum and wife.

I dont even know if hes coming home for dinner , but Im loath to phone and ask, I feel so like the little women.

Lock the door?

he wold be livid and nasty, (he seems to be getting nasty when drunk these days). Gulp the phones going.

deffo no food for him when he gets back. you may be mother to your dcs, but your not HIS mother. let him sort himself out.

Let him be livid and nasty then. Call the police and have him removed if he gets livid and nasty. You are his wife, not a live in Au Pair.

Make sure you book your night /day out with your friends - soon - and don't take his moaning about it in any way even nearly seriously !

erghhhhhhhhhhhh blaghhhh , I hate it when hes like this . Hes just called to say hes on his way home and he knows Im upset( and wants to talk about it as he feels guil) and hes laughing like some naughty 18 yr old.

I told him to stay away from me when he gets in.

YUCK to grown men getting lathered up.

I need some hekp to not turn this into a nasty argument tonight. I cant help but let the anger rise up in me, Im not good at pretending any emotion.

Just refuse to discuss it till he's sober, try and be calm not angry now else you won't be able to help yourself.

When he is sober tell him he is immature, selfish and needs to step up to his responsibilities as a husband and father. And ignore his complaints when you go out.

Thankfully I dont make dinner in this house , as I nevere know when hes going to spring one of these on me. I also hate to be the one whos gone to all that trouble and loads of its ruined as hes not bothered to come home.

Hes awful in the kitchen if I do as he cooks amazing food and is very critical of how I do things in his domain. I dont know what to do about eating now.

Oh melsy I am thinking of you.
Sorry he is being such an arse.
I hope you can manage to talk it through when he is sober and let him know exactly how bad it is making you feel. xx

Can you make something for yourself.

"Im really resenting his freedom and the calling from nice restaurants"

Think that says it all Melsy. I've felt resentful and jealous of a life he has that I seem to have lost. It's natural, but maybe a bit out of order too, IYSWIM.

You need to tell him how you feel - maybe not tonight though if you are too angry as that will just end up in an argument.

telling him how you feel isn;t the same as telling him he was out of order though, or how he should behave. Just tel;ling him you are bored of your life and jealous of his - see if you can work somehting out to get your identity back as somehting other than mother and housewife

Do not engage in such an important conversation when he's in no fit state. He's not likely to see sense, or be able to understand the issue when he's drunk. Will be a waste of time talking tonight, and emotions could get away from you both. Talk when he's sober, so you can have a reasonable conversation and reach an acceptable conclusion.

Just cheese on toast or something simple so you'll be out the kitchen by the time he gets back and it won't cause an argument.

I had to tell him over and over I didnt want to talk about it just now on the phone.

He has been warned im in no mood tonight and just back off when he comes in.

Monkeytrousers I think you're seeing it a bit unfairly - her DH isn't being fair. He is not being respectful or equal.
He is being an arse.

It isn't Melsy's problem. She is being reasonable.

Being resentful isn;t being reasonable. I'm being honest from my perspective - I;ve felt the same and can understand it. Calling hom an arse will make him react defensivly and think she;s being unreasonable. Better just to be honest about things, that she's hurt, leave it to stew and then he will work out for himself what an arse he has been.

cheese on toast good idea , cant find the bread [choked up feeling sorry for self emoticon].

when you said out of order monkey , is that me being out of order? Your right there though , I do feel that my life is rather narrowed down sometimes, I am working on changing things as retraining in soemthing completely different to what Ive been doing. Right now Im just finsihing off loose ends with my business, but on the whole im mainly mum at home.

I go to a class on wednesday nights to help with my retraining , and the Sunday trips are towards that goal to and to also have some social life outside my house and mum things , like playdates and ballet etc! but he complains about that every now and again too or rather uses it as his excuse to f**k off out after work.

I know what your getting at Monkeytrousers and Its about having a better frame of perspective for myself. I want to spend less of my mental energy concerning myself over his negative effects and more on what I can do to take control of what I want out of life.

I need to just make arrangements for myself with a sitter in mind and just go and let him get on with it, (oh and foot the bill at the end of the evening).

Iv refrained from using language and nastiness with him , Ive let him just get on with what he feels he needs to do and go out. All I said was this evening "if you want to be a teenager go ahead!!"

Make yourself a very nice dinner, sit down to eat it as soon as all children in bed, leave the pots in the sink and got for a nice bath. He sounds like he is being very selfish.

Ill stick with calling him an arse on here to get it out of my system

Yes but Monkey I think you are misreading it.

I think she is resenting the fact that he is being insensitive and unfair - he won't let her go out with her mates and is taking her for granted, and worst of all he is getting pissed and nasty on a regular basis while she fields the children.

I don't think Melsy is envious of this behaviour, I think it is getting her down and rightly so. it's appalling.

I called him an arse, I didn't say she should.

oops that was meant to say "and him foot the bill"!!!!

You can make your own arrangements but it would be nice to have his support in doing so.

it's not like you want to go out and get pissed and come home assuming he has done all the work, is it?

Oh and be horrid when you get home.

That's not nice for you mels.

can he fetch you a bottle of wine on the way home

Yes - the very reason he's left calling you until he's drunk is because it's only now (when he's drunk) that he's got the Dutch courage (and lack of perspective) to lay this on you - again. So the lack of perspective will also mean you won't get ANY sense out of him tonight. (PS in similar situation, dh will have told me "I think I have to do a work drink on Tuesday, I'll be back by 9 ..." etc. All when he's sober.)

How frequent are these incidents?