Im drunk and calling from.................. (insert lovely London restaurant ), Im so angry.

[melsy]

Am I stupid to be upset this evening?

He seems to be doing this more and more. He said they had been there much earlier and been drinking since then.
He only called half an hour ago , when Im actually expecting him home and I was in a particularly wound up state getting the girls in bed and abruptly rang off and told him "you know what , see you later".

dd1 has been at home for 2wks school holidays and Ive got kid ar to many days out fever.

It feels quite disrepectful , but may be Im being over the top? BUt its like , she wont mind , shes at home with the kids and doing bed.

Im really resenting his freedom and the calling from nice restaurants , when Im cleaning nappies and alone with 2 kids. It sucks really , it feels so old fashionably sexist , I didnt think hed really be like this , how stupid am I.

I didnt make a fuss when he went to spain on a stag do last weekend , nor when he goes out with freinds after wrok and I know about it, but this last minute thing really ticks me off. Especially as he complained as I talked of doing things with some friends one Sunday to have a break form being mum and wife.

I dont even know if hes coming home for dinner , but Im loath to phone and ask, I feel so like the little women.

ffs , hes just phoned again to drive me crazy about his shopping trip to a store my sister works in tommorow,to make sure shes there, granted Ive given him a list of stuff for me and the girls for our holiday, but hes said that hes phoned as this is something hes doing for me , even though hes buying his clothes mainly ).

I cant understand a word hes saying.

Hes trying to sound sober and normal and every word is slurring into the next.

He thought it all hilarious and is laughing again, so again Ive had to tell him to speak to me before lunch tomorrow if he needs to. (hes in the car with his work partners/brother in law).

How frequent? Hard to tell , he goes out a lot during the day (and says its important meetings) and drinks and then hes rotten in the evening. May be every 3 weeks on week night i get the sudden ones with work and then when he gets drunk when we go out on Saturdays he can get revolting to. I dont mind if hes gone out wiht a friend and its planned and Ive sorted dinner for myself , or been able to get a sitter and go out myself may be once in while. Its the ones were he seems to just not care.

Hes a partner in a shared business, so he can do what the h*ll he likes.

You know what, I think hes controlling my life more than I realise. Or more than I should let him.

It doesn't sound nice [understatement!] at all.

I would be most worried by him "character-changing" (to something unpleasant) when drunk.

Is he reasonable & talkable-to when he's sober?

So he's sitting in a car with his mates, ringing you and taking the piss out of you in front of them? Nice

You need this more than I do, sister.

He sounds as though he has deeper issues tbh, and an alcohol problem which he is using to 'deal with difficult stuff', instead of actually, well, dealing with it.

He's not sharing it with you either if he is feeling down/under pressure./depressed.

Might be worth having a deep serious talk, he might need some counselling or just to realise he can talk to you about stuff - he ain't happy if he;s being like this. And you're not either, so he needs to sort it out.

Tell him not to bother coming home. That's what my dh said to me when i did this to him the other week! (i still did, very contrite and tail between my legs!)

sorry been sewing ballet shoes.

Havent made dinner yet.

I was just sitting here thinking th same fllight and wondering why hes doing this more and getting rather bluegh in the process. It does seem hes doing it to escape or distract. Could be any manner of things; me , kids , work , life in general, finances.

He started this business ventrue about a year ago and has changed quite a lot, or its may be not so much a change , but more of this side of his personality coming out due to outside influences.

defintaly fancy a night cap now.

well the teenager in my house has just waltzed in and wouldn't leave my side and kept asking to kiss him!!! I just told him to go to bed and speak to me some time tomorrow , but he just wouldn't leave me alone. He kept on asking if I hated him!!

I havent said a word , well except for get away from me you stink! He said look its not even 10, I said its not the time is it.

He just keeps laughing like a nervous fool . Hes gone off to bed in a huff and the fact my bil is picking him up at 7 also!!!!

I hope he has a good hangover tomorrow .

oops spellings gone awry , forgot to spell check at the top .

Sorry I wasn't about later last night Mels. I think you did well by refusing to get involved, he must realise how upset you are if he is being daft and soppy. You'll need to have a talk once he is as normal as he gets, I mean once he is being sober and nice and isn't busy...then insist on a frank discussion.
I'm so sorry he's being this way but I doubt it is your fault - don't blame you or the kids. He might feel under lots of pressure with running the business but that shouldn't make him be nasty or drink.
Talk, talk, talk...good luck, keep posting, hope you can get some sense out of him xx

Thank you for your support , it means a lot, especially when feeling alone in this at home.

It really upset me the laughing in the car, Im not surehe set out to be like that , and I dont even think he realises at all, although thats hurts even more.

We do need to talk , but hes not always very sensitive and will probably make out Im being over the top and expecting to much from him.

I just thought at his age and with 2 chidren all this nonsense would stop , he certainly ddnt like me being like this 6yrs agoand that was before children.

What also annoys me is that he doesnt come home early any more to help with the girls at bath and bed time , he says hed have to leave to early , but he certaninly finds the time to leave early and have his "business meetings".

Im just getting really bloody fed up with it. His partners have a lot to answer for. I cant realy talk much about that side, but they are part of it and how he has changed.

I should have posted under a suedonim , then I could talk even more about whats going on. There are some threads from months ago like that along the same lines.

Oh Melsy, what a horrid situation for you to be in.
The thing is his behaviour is very hurtful and if he isn't open to communicating with you, there's not a lot you can do about it.
If he fobs off your attempts to talk seriously, I don't know what else to suggest...it must feel very lonely.

I suppose it might be time to tell him that unless interaction between you improves, you will be finding it very hard to continue.

It could be something that you can sort out, especially if it is to do with the people he's keeping company with.
But he needs to know how much damage his actions are doing.
I'll be around on and off, got to go and make phone calls now x

Thank you fllight for coming on to check on me. Was out all day yesterday.

He sent me a text yesterday , apologising for being a silly drunk fool and then cooked me a meal and helpd with bed time. He then kept saying he was sorry when he got home, so I told him very calmly how it upset me that night, his reasoning is that he doesnt do it very often . I said crimes dont need to be commited very often to be crimes!!

Its quite confusing when he does a double turn after. His feeling is that things arent as bad as I say they are????!

Don't thank me, it's no problem!

Does he usually do this? I mean, does he often turn round and be really apologetic afterwards, and then do the same thing all over again a while later?

I'd be worried if so, because it means he is in a bit of a cycle of abuse, with the getting nasty and so on - how nasty does he get, when it's like that?

I think it's good he apologised and was helpful, but he still isn't really getting the picture is he?

Do you feel this is a real turnaround/realisation, or that he doesn't get it, is fobbing you off and will do the same again? Becuse if it is the latter, he needs to see you mean business and that might take an ultimatum of sorts, to get him into line.

Like, 'thanks for apologising, but I really am concerned and need to know it will never happen again. I don't mind if we discuss and plan your outings but please don't spring them on me and please don't get pissed and laugh at me again like that, it was really hurtful. I felt like you didn't care about me at all.
If you do keep getting like that I think we'll have to go to relate or something' etc etc.

I hope he sorts it out. He doesn't sound like he is totally connecting with you, is that how it feels?

Lol at me giving marital advice when I have still not found a bloke myself!

I am rubbish so might be better to ignore any suggestions!!

aww bless ya , you are giving very sound advice , all the better for you when the right guy comes along hey x

Much of your posting resonated , part of me thought , may be I am making to much of things. The other side of the coin made me gulp.

I used to write him letters when things got to difficult to say , I'm thinking it may be time again. I can then get all my thoughts down with no interruption!

He can be revolting even withought drink, and even his mum sees it and asks me how he is (and tells him off to no avail). If he sees he's pushed me to much or I back off and act indifferent or nonchalont , he doesnt like it and comes back tail betweeen his legs, either apologising or wanting me to like him again. Although saying all that, I'm not the easiest carrot in the bag by any means!!!