Wish I’d not heard..

[Rubydoo122]

I overheard my son telling my husband that a women that they work with told my son that she finds my hubs attractive and fancies him. I don’t know anything about this woman and it’s making me feel very insecure because I’m not sure how friendly they are or if they cross paths often. I don’t want to ask my hubs or son about her because I know it will trigger some uncomfortable conversations. I have always been insecure our relationship and do suffer with jealousy which has caused problems but not for a long time. I’m also going through the menopause and feeling crap about myself which isn’t helping!
This has really stirred up those awful emotions again and I’m not sure what to do or how to stop feeling like this. Help or advice appreciated x

Of course other women will find your husband attractive, you did! But if you trust your husband there's no issue.

It's better than having a husband that nobody finds attractive, right?

Realistically, we all work with people we find mildly attractive at some point. And there will be people who fancy us, too. The fact that your son told his father someone fancied him suggests he took it as something of a joke!

Talk to your husband. Tell him that you overheard their conversation and although you trust him and you know it’s not a problem for your marriage, you are feeling insecure in yourself. Tell him that you love him but you’re not feeling much self love at the moment and you could use some extra support and affection to reassure you. I would also suggest some counselling to work on your self esteem and tell your husband that you think this might be something you need to add into your budget. It’s not what this woman said or whether you trust your husband but how you’re feeling about yourself. Also, if you haven’t already, get to the GP and get your hormones checked out. You might need some support as you go through the menopause.

I think I would feel very uncomfortable that my son is discussing this with his father - I'm assuming he is his father? It comes over as though your husband and son discuss women " fancying" them like a pair of teenage boys.
I would be wondering what the ethos is of the place they work at that this woman felt comfortable telling your son that she " fancies" his father.
It all comes over as really seedy and inappropriate.
What was you DH's reaction when his son told him this?

OP work on yourself. You son was probably just teasing your husband, not informing him of a potential opportunity.

I am.questioning why the woman told your son this? That's probably the last thing
he wanted to hear. Don't let jealousy rear its head

@Rubydoo122 You need so reassurance. Talk to your dh .
Why do you feel you can’t ?

@Anonymityisvital Yes, definitely his Dad. My son had been to an event at their workplace which has a bar, she works behind the bar. When he was telling my hubs he did say said he couldn’t believe she was telling him this and told her he didn’t really want to know! I couldn’t really hear hubs reaction as I was upstairs. But I agree with you, it’s off that she thought it was acceptable to tell my son this and I wish he hadn’t told hubs but he’d been drinking so I guess that’s why he did…

Well I'm glad your son felt it was inappropriate that the woman told him this.
Does your DH work with this woman on a regular basis because no matter what his reaction to being told this then, if it was news to him, it may skew their working relationship now she's put this out in the open.
It may be that your DH was aware already that she found him attractive and has been dealing with it in an appropriate way for a married man.

@TipsyJoker Thank you, that’s really helpful. And re: menopause, HRT is helping a lot but It’s more that I feel and look older if you know what I mean!

@Anonymityisvital They definitely work in different teams and different parts of the building but I have no idea if their paths cross often but I would imagine they would at certain times in the day. Their workplace isn’t huge and my hubs has worked there for years and he has a visible role, he’s also a very friendly and approachable person, he gets on with everyone!

Husband that no one finds attractive can't cheat.

I think it is fairly unlikely that a woman in the workplace would tell a man that she fancies his father, especially if they all work together.

My diagnosis is that your DS was pulling his leg.

Maybe start referring to him as your "hubs" within her earshot - instant ick

@kittensinthekitchen I would never refer to him as my hubs when talking about him, It’s just easier to type 😂

@thatsawhopperthatlemon no, he definitely wasn’t pulling his leg. I agree with you that it’s unlikely but that’s what’s unsettled me is the type of woman she is to say that and she’s made it clear and direct using our son as a kind of ‘messenger’.

What sort of woman tells people that she fancies a married man she works with? That's really inappropriate in itself. But to go and tell his own son is really disgusting behaviour. If it was me I'd be saying as much to DH. She needs to learn some self respect. Grim.

I think your son is taking the piss out of your husband, and the woman in question wouldn't look at him if he was the last man left on earth. Your son probably thinks your husband will strut around at work like a peacock, not realising everyone is secretly laughing at him. He's being spiteful if this is the case.

@Julie168 fully agree!

Context is everything sounds like a casual comment and your son was taking the piss out of his dad

I would talk to your DH in this situation because it’s grossly inappropriate behaviour on the woman’s part and she should be made aware of that.

What uncomfortable conversations would need to take place?

Why? Why would anyone care if no one else fancies their husband?

Just ignore it and forget about it. Unless you really don't trust your husband I don't see what the problem is. She was a bit crap saying it and your son was a bit crap repeating it but it doesn't mean anything is going to happen between them.
If your husband is the type to act on something like this then that's a problem in itself.