So annoyed

[Livinglikeazombie]

Today I was sat in the car on our drive with my 5 year old DS. DP had run back into the house as he'd forgotten something. Conversation with my DS went like this...
DS- Mummy this isn't your house
Me- what do you mean? We all live here
DS- no, it's daddy's house not yours. Daddy said he pays for the house, so it's his.

Obviously lot of backstory. Partner is awful. I'm just getting upset that he has started involving our child; tells him I'm horrible, blames me for everything.
DP earns 5x what I warn but refuses to work more than part time (barely part time) and has a lot in savings. I have hardly any savings but work full time. I also do every thing in the house as my partner refuses to help with ANYTHING. He spends the day in bed.
He does pay the rent (so not his house either!) but I pay for all the bills, but all our child's clothes, Xmas and birthday presents etc.
It just upsets me he wants me to look bad in front of our son.

Thats awful OP. Why are you staying with him??

What type of job does he do that allows him to lie in bed all day?
Sadly if you stay with this man he will pass these awful values on to your DS even further. Do you want your son treating you the same as his father does?
You are basically at the moment a house guest who works hard, is a good mum and does everything in the house.
DP is lazy and sexist. Sorry for being blunt!

That's what I want to know too, OP.
Why?

@Livinglikeazombie

He earns 5x what you do working part time? Just curious as to why you think he should go full time. If he's able to meet his share of the household expenses working part time, there's no need for him to go full time. I certainly wouldn't. But you say he only pays the rent and you cover the rest. If you're paying more than your share of the HH expenses, then that's a different discussion. If he's not willing to make a more equitable division of expenses then him working full time won't make a difference, he still won't pull his weight. If you don't want to carry the load, then lessen the load by dumping him.

As far as him making nasty comments to your child about you, that's definite LTB territory.

Is the tenancy in both your names? Because if it's his sole tenancy, that may be why he considers it 'his house'.

He does consultancy work and charges £90 an hour.

It's time to put your ducks in a row to leave.

I didn't say he should work full time. I said he hardly works and does absolutely nothing in the house. He mocks me and says "when I was your age I was earning 5x what you are..." He's been funded by his parents all his life.

He sounds horrible.
You don’t have to stay with him.

So why are you with him?

I really hope you can leave. You and your DC deserve better.

It's ok. He's just informed me he's off to the pub (for the 3rd time this week).

I'm just exhausted. I work 33 hours a week and am also doing a course an evening a week, plus essays etc. He won't tidy up after himself. I pop home from work and I'm running around doing washing in the middle of work and he's sat playing on his phone.

The other morning I asked if he could move the morning dishes (all his) before sitting on the phone. He shouted that I'm a C word. He then shouted at me for 10 minutes "why don't you have a job. There's something wrong with you. You're not normal". I said he wasn't making sense, he knows I have a job. I work nearly 4x as many hours a week as him and he kept shouting saying "people keep asking me why you don't work, they ask what's wrong with you. They all say you must be mentally ill or there's something wrong with you for not working". What can I even say to that. He knows I work!

OP, your partner is a nasty, lazy arsehole.

Leave already.

Why the hell did you even have a child with him??
get out n stay out , go far away from him as possible!!

Cms will love him and be able to hand you a lovely chunk of his wages.

Ltb and don't look back..
Seriously save yourself and your ds from 100 %cunt. Will he really want a ds he actually has to parent??

CMS won't have a field day with him. He wants a high yearly wage but works so little that he wants around 40k a year. He has hundreds of thousands in savings but obviously that makes no difference.

I don't mind working more but he literally sticks our son in front of his tablet for 2 hours after school whilst I'm working, I find it stressful.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Is this the example you went to show your son?. He knows the truth here.

You are being abused in a multitude of ways by your so called partner so the relationship is over. Show your son that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

OP, I am sorry you are in this situation. Consider that your son is hearing these views and will make them his.
In a few years it will be him calling you names.
Please, make it a priority to leave, and do what is in your power to keep his time with your boy to a minimum.

What is preventing you from leaving him?. Do not stay with him for the supposed sake of your child or for a lifestyle. It’s no life for you or your kid if you stay with him.

I don't know why I'm there. I can honestly say I despise him with every single part of me. He's destroyed me. I don't feel I can leave. I'm also scared he'll take our child. I'm scared he'll turn him against me. Part of me is just so desperate to be loved and I know it's ridiculous.

He is abusing you.

Please contact Womens Aid as soon as you are able to and explain everything to them. OP, they will help you to figure out the practicalities so you can make a plan to leave.

You must not live like this, it's terrible for you and your child 💐

Can you go and stay with family or friends? Get away from this despicable man.

Having spent some time in a very short relationship with someone in the same field, I can honestly say I have never met anyone so entitled, egotistical, and completely devoid of morals. (Not judging anyone else just my experience!)
He is gaslighting you. And if he’s saying crap about you to other people he’s an arsehole.
Stop thinking about what he has/does/earns. You have a career, you work hard, but you are running yourself ragged here and for what?
This man is a lazy, manipulative cretin.
Do you want to stay in a place with this man?
It would take some organising and planning but imagine having your own place. Just you and your DS? None of this awful behaviour.

You deserve better. Time to ltb. Sorry

Agree with PP contact Women’s Aid.
We all want to be loved. But you will never be loved in a house with a man you hate, who has destroyed you.
Just to add, the idiot I knew was divorced. He’d taken a perfectly beautiful lovely young woman and destroyed her - I found this out some time after.
However, she certainly recovered and got better and last I heard had got married to someone who adores her, and they have two DC.
You will never, ever recover in that home.