Dp had a job last year that really stressed him out. He stopped sleeping properly, he was getting anxious and stressed all the time, he'd often wake up vomiting. I earn more than dp but at that stage, not by much (we're not married and have no dc together but individually have dc) but was hoping to slow down my work as I've recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness.
We discussed it and decided it would definitely be better if he found another job (and resigned from current one, as it was impacting his health so much) and he had a long notice period so thought he would find one in that time. But he didn't. The notice period came to the end and despite applying for literally hundreds of jobs, he didn't get one. He has a company he runs with 2 other people but the company can only afford 2 salaries so he has always done it in his free time. He decided he would try and get the company to grow so that in January, hopefully it would be able to afford 3 salaries - but the problem is that without investing money into it (which he doesn't have) it cant grow. They are trying to raise money but not sure how successful they will be.
In the meantime, I got headhunted for a new role (more money but also a lot more work). I don't want to take it but I've had to because without the certainty of his income, I need to earn more and I feel a knot in my stomach at the fact that I am going to have to try and handle a more stressful and difficult role at a time when I'd really like to be doing less.
Dp has started getting angry and negative about everything. He is furious in the morning as he feels he's not sleeping well even though when you look objectively at the hours he's slept it's loads. Anything I say he just snaps back at me - if i dare complain about my work now, he just replies really angrily with ridiculous suggestions like writing written complaints and going over my boss's head all of which would escalate the situation and when I say that won't work, he'll say why are you bothering even talking to me about it when you don't take my advice. I said I just want to chat about my day etc. and he's said he no longer wants to hear it. I'm finding being with him utterly miserable but if I say anything, I'm the bad one because he believes he's suffering most and he blames it on everything. He's over 50 so he said no one his age is getting roles because everyone is ageist, he is furious at the government for changing the NI rules as one role he was going for they have withdrawn with the excuse that they are no longer hiring due to the changes in the NI rate. I'm sure he is probably depressed but living with someone who is behaving this way is intolerable.
I tried to gently suggest he get some help but he feels a total failure as he can't get work and even if he was on antidepressants, it doesn't solve the issue that he has no money now (and he pays child support for 2dc and his exw is spending days screaming at him down the phone for him daring to try and reduce it). I feel for him and I do love him but I can't continue like this with someone spewing hatred of everything in life from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed - he's just so critical and negative.
Apart from asking him to leave ( he lives in my house) which would be a last resort as I would effectively be making him homeless, does anyone have any suggestions of what I could do next?