My ex keeps coming back to our marital home whenever she wants !

[JesusChristman]

My wife and I split up six months ago. She checked out of the marital home and she found somewhere else to live. We rarely speak only about the children who live at home all older teenagers and mostly self-sufficient. She said she’d continue paying her half because she doesn’t want the kids to lose their house. However it’s starting to bother me how she comes and goes as she pleases. She doesn’t ask me before coming back she just shows up whenever she wants either to see the kids or sort some things out in her office. I have tried speaking to her about it but she doesn’t listen and just carries on doing whatever she wants. Do I have any rights to dictate to her when she can come back or not?

If she is still on the mortgage / deeds, then she has every right to do this. It's her house as much as yours.

Seems fair enough. Why did she leave?

She hated me and I hated her ,

Sorry, but if your wife is a joint homeowner and she's still paying her half of the mortgage then she's perfectly entitled to do this. I get that's it's annoying for you, but you can't do much about it. If you hate her being in 'your' space so much maybe you should move to a rented place and let her live in the marital home?

This. You can take back control by finding a way to be self-sufficient - either moving out yourself so she can move in, or getting the ball rolling on selling the home and finding somewhere you can afford.

Hmm but imagine your reply if the ex were a man.

I don't think that's really acceptable - she gets to have somewhere to live that's just hers, but also expects free access to the old marital home without any notice?

I wouldn't be happy with someone just turning up / letting themselves in, even if it was my exH. You need to agree some rules, if she's paying half (presumably so the DC get to stay) she needs to give in her key and / or arrange notice before coming round. If she doesn't want to do this then you need to sell up, split equity and also move out.

Unless she is threatening or harassing then I think you just need to move on with your divorce. At the moment you’re both legally tied to the property, once you resolve this through the legal system then you can purchase your own place which she won’t have access to.

Then it would be get an occupation order until the sale of your home problem is they don't seem to want to sell the home

I don't think it's right, but if you want to stop it you're going going to have to sell up and move on

It’s great she’s left the marital home and centred your children whilst paying half the bills for 6 months. You can’t do anything as this is the marital home. Are you actively selling the house and going through a divorce?

There’s always one. The reply would be the same.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5214362-wifes-walked-out-on-me-after-30years-and-says-she-doesnt-love-me

Interesting. This poster in a very similar situation, and who also posts his first message in bold, has a different take on things.

It really wouldn’t and you know it 😂

I also thought of that post when i saw the OP.

Plenty of women don’t sell the home either. The response on here for men is that he’s moved out and shouldn’t be entering the home, change the locks etc.

This reads like a reverse

You're the same poster whose wife actually only left two weeks ago. You were told by posters that she was likely gone for good and suddenly it's six months she's been gone. You've also had an extremely quick change of heart - you wanted her back the other day.

You can’t just ‘get’ an occupation order. You have to demonstrate you and any relevant children are at risk of suffering harm and it has to be greater than the harm that would be suffered by the person the order is against. It is a high legal test. Not designed for situations like this.

No, it really wouldn’t.

Yes but all of that regular advice is emotional claptrap given from a place of deep ignorance. None of it works or is legal in the real world.

Try and agree that she will give notice. Failing that, given the financial arrangement, you might have to sell the house.

Ask her for a key to hers and she what she says. It might be the thing that makes her 'get it'.

If you start dating you are not going to want her just walking in when she pleases. She is being unreasonable currently. You have the right to a private life.

My friend's solicitor said she had a right to a private life and got something which stopped her ex husband from just coming and going at will. She did eventually buy him out though.
If you are housing shared children and she is not, then it's reasonable you should have privacy in the home - you are living there for the children's sake, not your own. And as their parent, she should be paying her share of their housing costs. Paying the mortgage isn't a favour to you - it's a moral obligation to her children and a legal asset that she would be mad to stop paying for!

I'd get proper legal advice. Might be best to sell and but something only you own but if your options are limited because you have full custody of the kids, then go for proper child support and a greater share of the house - it's not automatic that a judge will decide a 50/50 split. Personal circumstances will be taken into account.

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine @PuddlesPityParty I also noticed that. Thanks for saving me the job of searching for the other thread.

Similar sort of username format too, coincidentally.

It’s shit when someone does this either a man or a women but there is nothing you can do unless domestic violence is at play.