Am I being unreasonable to be a bit upset

[lookablupig]

Give me your answers straight
Me and best friend have arranged a special weekend away with our 2 teenagers . We've booked it and feeling v excited . Then my friend said hope you don't mind but my sister is coming . Sister is v nice and I know she's been having a tough time and they are very close after a rough year . Sister has a lot of money and goes on lots of holidays , they often go away together .
I was really looking forward to seeing my friend for some 1:1 time while our teenagers did their thing . Am I being a Mardy madam to feel a bit upset . It's not a cheap weekend and I don't get away much because of cost .

I would be really upset. It’s a special trip for you. Tell her how you feel.

Yeah I'd be pissed off if she's just made the decision without your input. And I'd be telling her as much. A trip with 2 sisters is not what you signed up for.

Thing is I have also been away with the both of them and I like the sister but it changes the dynamic
I know the sister has had an awful time , really bad and tragic . And they have become much closer over the last two years
It's just because our daughters will be doing their own thing and I'll feel like a spare wheel

Tell her how you feel, this changes the dynamic of the trip, I can’t imagine your friend isn’t aware of that.

Sorry x post

You are not being unreasonable.
This set up is not what you signed up for.
Doesn't matter if you like the sister or not, you didn't sign up to pay for a weekend away with her.

When she told me her sister was coming she did say she knew it changed the dynamic but she is super protective of her sister after an horrific event . I like them both but it's my friend I choose to see not her sister

I'm typing a message saying perhaps we should open to others so there is an even number of adults

You’re not being unreasonable at all. Your friend is absolutely out of order for inviting her sister along without having a conversation with you first.

I would be fuming and I would have to tell her how I feel. If it wasn’t for your daughters I honestly think I’d pull out

YANBU OP.

I think you have two main options.

If you can pull out without losing out, do so. Although I can understand you not wanting to do that to your DD if she knows about the trip.

The other option is to suck it up. Presumably this is a long-term friendship and you love your friend, and if her sister has been through something so awful then your friend has probably had a tough time too. So do it this once for your friend and your DD. Then when it pans out as you expect, chat with your friend when you get back, and explain that much as you're glad her sister had a good time, next time you'd rather if it was just the two of you and you understand if that means no trips for a bit.

That's not a bad solution, is there anyone obvious?

I know it's not really the same but I live a fair distance from my family and rarely see them. After my DH died suddenly a couple of times my brother said he was coming to visit me. I really looked forward to him coming so we could sit and talk and I could run things past him that as a recent widow were practical issues for me. And yet on the few occasions he came he brought his adult daughter with him so the visit became about social niceties and there was no opportunity to talk about things that were important to me. I don't know whether this was intentional on his part or not. He is dead now also.
So OP I totally get what you are feeling: that the dynamic has totally changed . And I really sympathise.

Can you pull out of the trip?

Your friend is wrong and she should have consulted you beforehand .

Do you have another friend or family member who might be interested in coming? It's a good idea to even out the numbers. Your friend, despite knowing the dynamic changes, still told you after the fact, so she should not have an issue with you inviting someone else.

You sound quite passive in your message though. Find someone else to come, then tell her it's happening. Just suggesting opening up to others risks her choosing the next adult too, which I doubt would make it much better for you.

I would pull out OP, your friend was out of order.
Your presence will just be there so that your DD can occupy her DD, and she doesn't have to look after them both.

This, sounds like it'll turn into a 'cheer up the sister' weekend...

Having read others’ comments honestly OP it’s so out of order. If her sister is in such a bad way she would be letter cancelling the trip, even if you went away just you and your teenager.
I am not being cruel but the sister sounds the trip will end up being all about her.
Life is awful sometimes, we all go through some terrible stuff, but you deserve the trip you agreed on. It’s not for long it’s not like you are jetting off for a fortnight.

I absolutely hate it when people do this
Id be very pissed off too

I perhaps take a different view, but then perhaps I am more laid back sometimes.

If she was a long standing good friend I wouldn’t make much of an issue of it, especially if you like the sister generally. Though maybe she should have mentioned it or asked first. You can still have a good time. Perhaps because it’s a sister rather than another friend you feel the dynamic is more changed? Opening it up might be a good idea if you have someone in mind …

Do you feel a bit undervalued in the friendship? If that’s the issue reconsider things and what you commit to in the future?

Sounds like a good idea

I think if something horrific/tragic has happened to sister and you do know her i would just suck it up.