Am I being unreasonable to be a bit upset

[lookablupig]

Give me your answers straight
Me and best friend have arranged a special weekend away with our 2 teenagers . We've booked it and feeling v excited . Then my friend said hope you don't mind but my sister is coming . Sister is v nice and I know she's been having a tough time and they are very close after a rough year . Sister has a lot of money and goes on lots of holidays , they often go away together .
I was really looking forward to seeing my friend for some 1:1 time while our teenagers did their thing . Am I being a Mardy madam to feel a bit upset . It's not a cheap weekend and I don't get away much because of cost .

I think it's a good idea for you invite someone else.

Ordinarily in your shoes I would have said something along the lines of two's company, three's a crowd, but since the sister has had a traumatic event in her life and needs something to take her mind off it, I think I would suck it up this time.

My sister invited a friend on a family holiday last year - meant to be just us and kids - and I only found out once at the hotel. It totally ruined the dynamic.
i would feel peeved

I think she was really wrong to do this but I'm not sure you can get out of it without making the sister feel really awful. The only thing you can do I think is bring another friend along as well.

I think this is pretty shitty to do to a friend, actually. You don’t just unilaterally decide to invite who you want to on a shared holiday!

OP, yanbu.

Your friend is really rude and disrespectful to do this.
Completely unacceptable.
Irrespective of her sisters circumstances she should not have done this.

I would tell her that she should go with her sister alone and her sister refund your part to you.
Let them off.

I would never make plans with her again and it would completely change my view of her.

It really is CF behaviour and not behaviour I would tolerate or want to be around.
Bring a friend for yourself for sure if that suits you.
But it would absolutely sour my view of her.

So I have had a conversation with my friend
Her sister invited herself along based on panicking about Christmas , she booked it while on the phone to my friend / her sister and my friend didn't want to upset her because of her grief . She agreed it wasn't right and apologised to me for being a coward . We've put a message together to the sister saying that it would be a good idea for her to ask someone else along but not someone with teenagers as this was arranged by our daughters for us and her bringing a friend would balance things out . This didn't sound too harsh , I don't want to upset anyone , my friend was very apologetic and agreed that my opinion was valid .

It’s difficult. This is a massive assumption but I’m presuming it was pregnancy/child loss. If a tragedy hadn’t occurred would be echoing CF condemnation. But your friend was placed in an awful (and unfair) position by her sister, who may or may not have done so consciously.

OP said the three of them have been on holiday before, so the sister obv feels comfortable in her company. She may not want to Invite any body else bc she needs the security of close relationships at this time as she is extremely vulnerable. She may not have shared the information with others and would like this time away to be able to discuss or touch upon this event without other ppl becoming privy to it.

I understand how the OP is potentially having her holiday hijacked, but it is extenuating circumstances and we all deserve support at times of need - who knows when we will need it the most.

It's the 'telling' rather than asking that would upset me.

This happened to me , sorted of.
It was a shopping trip rather than a weekend.
My sister invited a friend.
I said that was fine, but I'd pass - politely. I'd catch her on the next trip - it would just change the dynamics totally.
Sister cancelled the friend.

Again thankyou for opinions

The sisters husband was killed tragically 2 years ago, she has a lot of support but ofc is still grieving as is my friend . And Christmas is ofc difficult.
This trip was arranged by our teenagers it's become an annual thing but first time they've arranged and paid for themselves so it's their trip really

We put a message together and my friend sent the message asking sister if she would like to bring someone to even up the numbers and my friend said it took her by surprise but it won't happen again. She apologised