Dating 2 men

[dating2men]

ifferent men. Met up with both a couple times, and my thoughts were drop one when I decide which one I like more. The trouble I have is I like both. I met both online and was chatting both for similar amounts of time before the dates.

So guy 1 is pretty serious and grown up, lacking the flirty chat if I’m honest but we get on so well. Is open about what he wants longer term and has made it clear he’s attracted to me. The issue is we’re very different in terms of our social compatibility. He’s pretty much living pay check to paycheck and I worry he wouldn’t keep up with my lifestyle. I’m also a bit bummed that the sexual spark isn’t there for me, was a nice kiss but didn’t have me thinking I want to rip his clothes off. Again I wonder if that’s because there is no flirty chat or any sexual innuendos with us. The dates were good as we spent the entire time chatting and time flew by.

Guy 2 is full of flirty chat, but mixed with serious stuff too and very like me. Both our dates have been flirty and fun and again time flew by. He’s established in his career and does seem to have his head screwed on and I think we would work better with each others lifestyle choices. The spark is definitely there for me and the kiss was making me think I want to take this further.

I do like both guys 1 for being pretty straight with what he wants longer term and our deep chats. 2 for all the flirty stuff but the chats not being so deep right now (happy for this to build in time).

Should I keep seeing both to see which one has more potential or should I rule one out now. I know longer term I want someone I can have both chemistry with and build that strong connection. I also don’t want to have to compromise on my lifestyle choices and holidays etc.

I don’t want to be the person leading both along but at the same time I like both for different reasons. Half of me thinks guy 2 would be the better match but worry he’s just saying all the right things then disappear if/when we sleep together (although he has said he’s willing to take it slow). The other half thinks guy 1 is the better match as we can have the deep chats etc now but the lack of sexual spark and different ways of life makes me think that longer term it would fail or I would resent him.

How long is too long to string both along? It’s not what I would normally do as I tend to focus my energy on one at a time.

I came here to say this.

If you want work done on your house you get 3 quotes. I do anyway.

Guy 2 is full of flirty chat, but mixed with serious stuff too and very like me. Both our dates have been flirty and fun and again time flew by. He’s established in his career and does seem to have his head screwed on and I think we would work better with each others lifestyle choices. The spark is definitely there for me and the kiss was making me think I want to take this further.

In saying I wouldn't bother continuing to see guy 1, I'm not saying see guy 2 exclusively.

No way.

I would, as a poster above says, keep trying to meet other men.

How do you know guy 2 isn't dating other women?

You don't know how it will pan out with him.

You don't know that he's not a player .... Lots of flirty chat; sounds a bit that way.

You don't know him yet and won't for a year or two (or more)..

I would very much not be putting all my eggs on one basket with him.
Even if you shag him.

I'd have the exclusivity talk with him before dating him only (and shagging him) so you don't later discover he's not exclusive and then he uses the "we didn't discuss it and we hadn't agreed exclusively" line (which might work on some women). At least then if you discover he's dating/shagging others; there's a clear line, it's clearly cheating.

Is 2 exciting because he's a bit unengaged and possibly interested more in flirting whereas 1 is the reliable type therefore less interesting? (I know you say 2 has the more established career but pay cheque to pay cheque could be a respectable career in an expensive city. Depends on circs, if you mean low ambition or unstable area of work and that's not for you then fair enough).

Generally I'd say if you're really intrigued by someone you will be excited to make it exclusive with them and sack off any other possibilities.

How would you feel if either of these got in touch to say 'it's been nice but I'm not really feeling a connection'?

If they're otherwise seeming like they would be equally good partners, why the hell not?

Love is difficult long term. Use all the hormones you can get.

So having seen the replies I think I'm more drawn to number 2 for a variety of reasons but having actually thought about it I would have concerns long term about 1 and our lives actually working together.

For context I'm late 30s number 1 is mid 40s and number 2 is similar age to me. Number 1 has grown up kids and the other none.

I've worked hard to get to where I am now and worked my way up the career ladder. I own my own home/car etc and have disposable income for regular holidays, unplanned nights out or weekend breaks. I do have a stressful job and hours can be long. Number 2 is similar to me (house car etc) uni educated and working his way up the career ladder. Number 1 is doing a job similar to what I done as a student, been there for 20 years and never progressed and doesn't have ideas for progression, he says he's happy with his life how it is. Doesn't have his own transport and very little disposable income.

I think decision is made thanks all

A friend of ours had a similar experience. She was dating three at a time and bragged to my DW how good 1 and 2 were. Funnily enough she ended up with number 3 because the other two dumped her. Ten years on they're still together, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know he was third choice at best.
The moral of this story is it may not be your choice in the end. And who's to say either chap doesn't have other options.

Keep seeing both until you have a better idea of each, 2 dates isn't really enough.

Even without the other man in the picture, it doesn't sound like man number 1 is for you.

First couple of answers nail it. Don’t stick around for Nr.1, in a few years you’ll get bored and hurt him splitting up. Go for Nr.2, have fun and if he does not come through then you’ve had fun and a great time. You’ll find a Nr. 3 in no time. Don’t keep someone just because they’re there - that’s lazy and unkind.

I thought number two sounded the better option when I read OP, so I'd say that's a wise choice. You've either got a spark or you haven't.

There is nothing wrong with dating multiple people. It used to be common to date around with no strings attached.

Now, so many desperados out there calling anyone who gives them 10 minutes their "partner." Sad and sick.

As long as you are honest, what is the problem?

Assuming you don’t have kids yourself no.1 doesn’t seem like a good option even if no.2 doesn’t work out.

Not only is he low income but he has kids so aside from the complexities that brings,a large part of his paycheck will probably be going towards his kids (rightly so) so that will result in an even greater financial disparity.

OK I re-read and see his kids are grown up so he won’t be paying maintenance as such, but may still be required to help out from time to time financially as many young adults are still needing help nowadays.

I’ve been in this situation, I picked the flirty one with the better career. The more stable guy i faded out. I’m not with either, I think I should have kept both going a bit longer then I might have realised stable men make better partners.

But I’d say there’s probably a better no.3 😂

Well it took a few posts to get here, but this is terrible advice.

Shagging two blokes at once to audition them is just grim, have some dignity 😅

@dating2men

Nothing wrong with playing the field. It was pretty common for both sexes 'back in my day' to date more than one person at a time. But things were kept pretty casual as opposed to trying to have multiple 'serious' relationships at the same time. I might not tell that I was seeing someone else if I wasn't asked, but I wouldn't lie if I was asked directly.

But it is wrong to sleep with multiple men (or women) and not let each of them know. So if it gets to that point with these two men, you need to be honest with them.

Financial compatibility is very important to me For that reason alone i would not continue with bachelor #1

No 1 is clearly a low status guy though. His low income probably means he's a Teaching Assistant or a carer, those kind of jobs that don't pay very much and no self respecting man should be doing.

Remember the golden rules six foot plus, six figures in the bank with a light sprinkling of got a temper but one day he'll change.

She never said no.2 was 6 figures or 6 foot? Most women I know don’t have those requirements.

There’s nothing wrong with what he earns or what he does but she’s allowed to take it into consideration as it’ll impact her lifestyle if they get serious. Finances are a big reason some couples fall apart.

Until men are expected to ignore the looks and weight of women, and focus only on the heart of a “good woman”, I don’t feel people should be telling women to ignore finances. If anything that’s less superficial than thinking about looks because there are practical consideration.

And anyone who uses terms such as low status or high status men is usually a red pill weirdo.

Why don't you get a 3'rd on the go at the same time... always good practise to go out for 3 quotes! lol (I gest) 🙂

Youre not that into 1 - drop him and see how 2 pans out.

Ok drop 1 and see if 2 has got any mileage

I think if he'd been something special (as a match for you, not a human being), you wouldn't be asking. It's easy to get jaded though and sounds compatible so give it a go!

Haha, you hit my redpill alert. I've been investigating them recently...fun times.
How rude to teaching assistants. We need them. Why can't a man w self respect be doing that? If a woman is one, does she have self respect?
& 6 foot? Not everyone needs their partner to tower over them..some like to be same height, & some like short guys. I have several petite friends who all prefer a guy of similar height.