Sexless relationship from my partner M, has this happened to anyone else here?

[Canjo]

There's no sexual competent any more to my relationship. The sex started drying up about 5 years ago between us. We were about 18 months together at the time and about 6 months engaged. He tried to rush a wedding and get married within a year but I slowed down the wedding and marriage cards. Him trying to rush a wedding was happening at the start of what I felt was the relationship going a little sexless.

Anyways I was hoping maybe something might change and it would be reversed but that never happened. It only ever continued to dwindle. The thing is, he can masturbate but he just doesn't have any sexual energy for me.

It was about about 18 months ago when I decided I was going to stop making an effort because it was all very one sided sexually. In that I would give him oral and then he was never able to maintain an erection for PIV. Only for masturbation.

Aside from this being so stale and bad between us he can be a good person outside of the bedroom but my stomach is churning now because there is no sexual competent any more to our relationship.

He was working on Sunday morning and I didn't hear from him all day. He works in hospitality and I have no reason to doubt him that he was working. It's only recently I am doubting this. How am I supposed to believe he started work at 9 am and worked from open to close all day long and then do it again and again. He has chosen work over our relationship too.

Is anyone else in a sexless relationship.

There is supposed to be a family party coming up from his family and I am dreading it. I just don't want to go. It's a waste of my time doing coupley things when it's so bad and stale.

How old are you, any dc or a mortagae? If there's no ties then leave asap, it is no way to live. Partners are supposed to find us desirable. If he masturbates he clearly has a libido just sadly isn't interested in a physical relationship with you. Like is too short, find someone who deserves you.

I would also doubt working all day and not having 5 mins to message you.

How easy is it to just say ‘it’s over we need to sit down and work out the practicals of splitting up - I want it done before Christmas so we can both move on’

Obviously I cannot tell you if he's up to no good. But sex is important in relationships. There's of course going to be a huge difference in the amount individual couples have. The problem is when it's mis matched.

So my ex (abusive addict) wanted regular sex for 3 months. Then none for 6. Then loads of 8 months. Then absolutely nothing for a year. 5 or 6 occasions over a year we had foreplay that we both enjoyed.

In that relationship for me the lack of sex made me feel shit. I found the more he didn't want it. The more frustrated I felt. But it wasn't just the sex. When he didn't want sex he didn't really touch me in general. There were no situations to kiss and wrap in eachothers arms. He used to massage my feet. That stopped. Everything stopped apart from a hug as we drifted off.

It's just such an important way to connect. It is how you bond and stay attracted to them.

I think you should talk to him. But honestly this is probably not going to change.

I don't think "he can be a good person" sounds enough to keep you together. I mean, lots of people are good people. And "can be" makes it sound like he often isn't.

Do you love him?
If there was not much sex for the rest of your life, would you be OK with that?

This is not a good relationship OP. He prefers masturbation over sex with you. That really tells you all you need to know 🤷‍♀️ Start making plans to leave...then do it. Or make him leave (whatever your situation happens to be).

Well, unless there are kids and a mortgage involved this is generally how relationships do end.

It should be an easy get away. There's nothing big holding us down.

I am not afraid of being single. I'm just afraid of a chat with him. Not of his reaction. Just talking to him and telling him that things have changed and it's over.

But why does he lose his erection during PIV? Has he said

I'm disappointed with the way things have turned out. I never knew it would be like this. The sexual connection has been broken for too long that it will be awkward if it ever happens again.

I'm also in a state of disbelief. He can masturbate but his sexual energies is not for me. But then outside of this, he is good to me and we get on well too aside from this. But it's just so stale too.

I am horrified with what has happened. It seemed as if he was pretending to be I tested in sex with me until he had a ring on my finger and I am asking myself why was he trying to rush marriage while the sex was drying up from him. Thankfully I slowed that down with him and we never married. But there's something bad in that. He tried to rush marriage with me while he can't even have sex with me.

No he never said. He says away from it.

I don't know if he ever even went to the doctor about it. It doesn't matter any more. It's too stale too long.

It's a cliché sorry but might he be gay? Have you looked on his history to see what he is into?

This. He'd rather have sex alone than with you. Also the sex drops off six months before your wedding is off. Do you think he could be gay or into porn?

Sometimes things just happen. I do wonder if he may be gay as well. But the great thing is that it doesn't have to be your job to worry about any more.

He may well be gay, but trying to retain his straight persona so that he can seem to have a "normal" married life. I knew of someone who did exactly this, but accepted his true sexual inclinations when they split up. They were all much happier.

He doesn't have that gay vibe and he's never really made any indications towards that way. I just don't know if he is gay. I really don't think so. I would be more inclined to suspect a porn addiction more than anything else.

Good question. What is he watching.

Assuming his faculties are in working order, but he just cannot maintain an erection during the rare times you have sex, it could be because he's gay, or that he's overstimulated with porn so that the real thing doesn't compare thus its harder to be aroused/erect.

Issue some form of ultimatum OP. Cut out the porn for starters and see how that goes.

I don't understand what he was doing. He tried to rush a wedding and marriage while the sex was drying up from him but before that we were ok about 2/3 times a month. Then it fell off a cliff about 3/4 times a year and now nothing really.

It seemed as if he got a ring on my finger for an engagement and he thought his work was done then. That's what it looks like to me. I don't know. Something happened.

I did not let myself go. I was always overweight and I was ow even when I first met him. If anything I look better now than before.

It's been too stale for too long. I don't want an ultimatum. I want things to be over.

Why would he drag this relationship out with me?

Because sex is less important to him than it is to you. That’s all there is to it. You can’t be happy in a relationship like this, so time to go your separate ways and be glad you never married.

Where do you both live, together? Shared rent? Sometimes people stay together because it is easier.

If he is cheating (sorry you just alluded to it with possible doubts) then he has home comforts too.

Challenge him, ask him but more importantly snoop on his history. Good luck.

I meant how would he take it and did the OP feel confident / in the right place to do this. It’s easy in theory not so much in practice.

Could you do as a work colleague did - not afraid of her ex but didn’t want the conversation. She left him a letter and went to work (packed a bag and stayed with a colleague) and had put in her letter she would be back at the weekend to collect her stuff. He didn’t reply. She went back at the weekend with her Dad, collected her stuff and moved out. A year later he still hasn’t contacted her. And they had been dating for 10 years and loving together for 8 years but 5 years was sex free.