in feb i posted on here as i was suspicious of a friendship between DH and a woman at work.
there were late night texts, phone calls, and messages on facebook, although i never saw anything i could claim as being threatening to our marriage, i felt the amount of contact was inappropriate. Shortly after i posted that thread, i found out through facebook, that he had arranged to meet her one evening on a job (he has to work some evenings for a job seperate to the one he works at with her), he didn't tell me about it, and when i brought it up with him, he told me he waas going to tell me, but hadn't done as they'd only arranged it the previous day. he knew how I felt about her, but had made the arrangement anyway, sneakily behind my back. I went mad about it and he said he'd been picking his moment to tell me as he knew how i'd react. Anyway he never took her, and things were quiet for a while, in fact he told me that he'd 'distanced himself' from her at work.
A few weeks later I found a text from her saying she was 'not avoiding him at work, but being careful as people were talking' I had no qualms about reading his texts as far as i was concerend it was self preservation and trying to protect our marriage. I brought it up with him, and this time, I was on the verge of leaving, I had had enough of the lies and sneaking around and being told total crap, but he said it was one person who had amde a comment, and that's what offices were like, he only went to lunch with her a couple of times and people would gossip etc.. etc. For the sake of the kids I have stuck it out. But at easter he had popped out and i went on the internet and found he had been using hotmail and I knew he hadn't used a hotmail account in years. I found 2 emails to her.. one sent at the beginning of feb ' what we did lead me to think something might have happened...now i know it never will. So back to normal. the other had been sent the day before...'thanks for listening to me today, i needed to talk things through, now you know how i feel, and i know how you feel (and always did really), you mean so much to me and always will and i am glad you will always be there for me.
At this point I picked up the phone to her and asked her outright what is going on with my husband. She swore to me on her mothers life (i think she still lives at home with her!) that nothing had happened, she said she respected DH as a married man, i asked why people at work thought something was going on, she basically denied everything. When DH got home i showed him the emails I'd seen. His account of things was as follows... at their xmas party she had tried to kiss him (i suspect it was more mutual than this), he says he brushed her off, she was pissed, she made a mistake, which is his expalination for the 1st email. In spite of this he says she has been a really good friend to him while things have been stressful at work but he knows he can't remain friends with her as it is threatening his marriage, so he says she does mean alot to him, but his marriage means more.
I am not entirely sure what I believe...this was 4 weeks ago, although i was ready to leave this time, i have stayed as i believe we can rebuild things. However it is so hard, i can't bear him going to work with her...it is monday morning again, and I am sitting here in tears because he is there with her. As far as i am aware the texts, emails etc...have stopped (unless he has made another account??!!), I am struggling to trust him, and findig i am on a rollercoaster, with some days being great and other days I want to rip his head off. He still maintains that he hasn't actually been unfaithful and i wonder if i am over reacting, but the sneaking around has made it difficult for me to trust him, he might as well have been unfaithful.
I realise I have written an essay here, if anyone is good enough to read and and give me some advice or support, i would be very grateful, by the way i have told no-one about this as I can't bear that thought of people judging us and gossiping.