Why am I such a wimp…

[Arlanymor]

So I’ve been waiting for a response to an email - see the last page of this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5203258-staring-does-he-fancy-me-or-am-i-reading-into-it-too-much?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share - and although I was refreshing my emails a bit this morning, I have been out all afternoon away from my iPad, filming in the pouring rain, and have only just got home.

I’ve just put on a nice new pair of pyjamas to warm up and poured a glass of wine and then remembered that I hadn’t looked at my emails this afternoon… there’s a response from about 15 minutes ago and now I am too worried to open it. I can see that the first line says: “Hi Arlanymor, sorry for the delay in coming back you…”

He has nothing to apologise for, he really didn’t delay anything, I almost didn’t expect to hear until the middle of the week in fact. But no one who is about to say: “Fancy a drink?” Starts with saying sorry for the delay in responding do they?! It sounds like the start of a work email!

Ahhh I know it’s going to be a ‘no’, I get that vibe from how the response starts so why I am being such a wuss and not just reading it? I guess because once I read it then the whole bubble bursts and I’ll have to deal with feeling a rejected and stupid for a while. The one good thing being that I don’t actually have to see him now for literally months, and I won’t really have a reason to contact him in that time either. So I at least get to lick my wounds in private. I think I’ll finish my glass and then psych myself up to see what he has to say…

In the meantime, please remind me why it’s not the end of the world, why there’s is someone even better out there for me and that it’s not me it’s him - you know, all those good old cliches! This has made me feel a lot more sad than I thought it would.

It took me quite a while to muster the courage - I’ve felt this way since June of this year - but I glad I got there in the end, as it’s definitely better to know, as you’ve said. At least everything is very clear now on both sides.

Thanks so much - started the day with a warm bath and put a meditation on YouTube to get myself in a calm frame of mind (and get rid of my puffy eyes!) I think I’m going to not think about dating from now until the end of year and focus on other things. But who knows what 2025 will bring? Never say never and all that. Thanks again for being so kind, this place can be so nice, and I feel so supported despite my heart being a bit sad at the moment. X

Nice to hear from other women in similar situations. I'm just out of a 32 year relationship, last dated in 1992 ffs when a boy would make you a mixtape if he liked you. It's terrifying even thinking about putting myself out there although the relationship was dead for the past 10 years.

It was so dead that I didn't feel anything. Which is easier sometimes than all these scary new emotions like fear of rejection and heartbreak.

Hi again, it sounds like such a significant chapter of your life to have come to an end, and I really admire your honesty in talking about it, it’s difficult regardless of how things ended. Even if it potentially hurts less because things were at a low ebb for such a long time, it’s still hard to face the potential of something new (and unfamiliar) after so long. Terrifying as you say, opening yourself up to the possibility of rejection is gut-wrenching - it certainly is for me at any rate. Despite the fact that I’ve had a bit of heartbreak in the last 24 hours, it actually feels better now to know where I stand, in some ways the anticipation was worse.

I hope you can also give yourself credit for the courage it takes to consider putting yourself out there. That in itself is a huge step. And for what it’s worth, the right person will see the value in who you are—mixtape or no mixtape! Sending you so many good vibes and I hope you come on here to get some support whenever you need it. I’ll certainly be here! ♥️