It's not normal is it.

[NCnumber3]

Last night I was having panics/ night terrors. This happens occasionally when I'm stressed. I had a very important interview in the morning.

I begged my husband before going to sleep to just, maybe comfort me if this happens. Instead he played shit podcasts all night and when I fell asleep and had the night terrors he shook me awake and screamed in my face to 'Go and die in a fucking ditch you pathetic piece of shit bitch'.

I needed to do well in this interview. Our finances depend on it. But I don't think I did and apparently it's all my fault for having night terrors. He won't allow me any access to money. I know I'm pathetic but it's so hard to get out of this situation. Please can anyone tell me something to make me feel less like shit. Or is he right?

It's not normal no, and the fact he's also withholding money is even more abusive. You need to consider leaving

He doesn't start until 2, surely you can prioritise someone for.one single night ffs. Or am I being unreasonable?

No, this is not normal at all.

Please call Women's Aid as soon as you can and tell them about it. YOu are being abused - financally and verbally at the very least.

Do you have family/friends you could go to?

'Go and die in a fucking ditch you pathetic piece of shit bitch'. why on earth do you accept being spoken to like this??

He's abusing you. Please get support.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Oh my goodness gracious 😳 💔😲.

Are your parents alive?. Can you move back in with them?

Surely you know his behaviour is scary, aggressive and unacceptable?

The fact you’re even asking this is worrying. Have you been subjected to it for so long you’re being desensitised to the abuse?

You don’t sound pathetic but you sound as if you’re in a really abusive relationship with a man who hates you. How long has he been like this? How long have you been together.

Please seek help from something like women’s aid or do you have any friends irl you can talk to?

This man is your husband? Good grief, please make a plan to leave.

None of this is normal or ok behaviour. I’m so sorry. Please please make plans to get away from him. I’ve everything crossed that you did better than you think in the interview and get this job as a lifeline away from him.

You might find if you didn't live with someone who financially controls you and swears in your face and tells you to die, you might not have night terrors anymore

What ?! No, that is not normal. Please leave him, you don’t deserve that.

Op so far is this from normal that I actually gasped when I read what he said to you it was so so nasty and abusive.

It’s not normal. It’s abusive.

As is the withholding money.

It’s abusive and it's Illegal.

I hope you can see a way out of this soon op I really do. And I hope the interview went better than you thought.

😱

My thoughts entirely

Not normal at all. This behaviour goes well beyond being unsupportive, it is abusive and you need to get out of this relationship.

No not normal. Not a single person on this thread or in real life would tell you that this is normal.

Do you feel safe sleeping next to him at night? I wouldn't.

I'm finding it hard because my ex was physically abusive so I suppose this feels like it's better. I know that makes me a twat. I just don't think I can do any better

I have an anxiety and panic disorder and had a real mental health crisis earlier in the year where I couldn't go without having a panic attack for a hour. I ended up sedated etc

My ex husband basically looked after me through it and let me sleep on his sofa for months. That is thankfully my idea of normal. What your husband is doing is disgusting. Its abusive, not just unsupportive

I get this... Xh1 was physically, emotionally, verbally and financially abusive. So pretty much anyone could easily be an improvement. And xh2 was! He didn't physically hit me, and he didn't restrict my access to money, although he did always hide money away from me. But.... he's mysoganistic narcissist (not just me saying this), abuses painkillers, take steroids and lies about it, phone sex lines, gay hook sites, stayed out all night taking drugs, absolutely awful to me and cheats and lies. He's abusive, but for me he's still an improvement!

You are being abused, it's just different. Probably less obvious to you because of your past. But please take it from me, he's abusive!

Please all Womens Aid and let them help you, none of this is your fault.

Feel free to msg me if you think that will help.

You don’t sound like a twat at all. You had a horribly abusive relationship that left you vulnerable to another abuser and unable to recognise abuse.

Take some time to think about an independent future without him. You don’t need someone like this dragging you down; he’s probably contributing to the night terrors.

I literally gasped when I read that. I'm sorry that you've been so worn down by abuse that you have to ask here. But no, it's so far from normal that I can't begin to explain, please leave him and don't question yourself any more. You were right to ask for his support, but don't expect it from him, no matter how you ask him, he's not capable of participating in a healthy relationship.

@NCnumber3 on your own in peace is better than this abusive piece of sh*t or your ex. Please get rid, you deserve better. In this case, alone is better.

No it is not normal for someone to treat another like that at all. You are being subjected to severe abuse, and no wonder you are having panic attacks. That is a trauma response to the situation you are in.

Your mental health will not improve if you stay with him. There is only one thing you can do and that is to find a way to leave.

You really, really need to leave your current partner and spend some time being single and getting therapy/counselling. At the moment, you really seem to struggle with knowing what a healthy relationship looks like. You're being seriously abused by your partner, just as you were seriously abused by your previous partner. Please, please try to find the strength to get out of this situation.