It's not normal is it.

[NCnumber3]

Last night I was having panics/ night terrors. This happens occasionally when I'm stressed. I had a very important interview in the morning.

I begged my husband before going to sleep to just, maybe comfort me if this happens. Instead he played shit podcasts all night and when I fell asleep and had the night terrors he shook me awake and screamed in my face to 'Go and die in a fucking ditch you pathetic piece of shit bitch'.

I needed to do well in this interview. Our finances depend on it. But I don't think I did and apparently it's all my fault for having night terrors. He won't allow me any access to money. I know I'm pathetic but it's so hard to get out of this situation. Please can anyone tell me something to make me feel less like shit. Or is he right?

This is exactly my life story...even the gay hook up sites! That's really weirded me out. I didn't marry them though 😂

Forget about finding a new one for now. Life will be better with out him and you need time to truly heal so you don't get another one like this.

OP, I have just read your previous threads, he takes money from you and has also withheld money from you when you lost your bank card. This is NOT normal and it is abuse, you really need to get help and leave for your own safety x

You know being single is a thing? You don’t have to put up with one or the other.

Have you tried leaving him. Whats stopping you? I'd pack my bags and run .

Its abuse.
Leave today.

OP - what you describe is seriously abusive and not normal at all. How can you be helped to leave him?

I was single for 5 years before I met him. I thought I'd done all the healing needed. I'm perfectly happy to be single again, I don't need a man, I just didn't realise quite how toxic this was until it crept up on me.

Possibly a bit of boiling frog.

Money, basically.

Do any better in the sense of finding a better man? You don't need to find a better man. Far better to be single than with an abusive arsehole like this one.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Pound to a penny your childhood was abusive as well or that your parents marriage was/is an abusive one or at the very least dysfunctional.

Going from one abusive relationship into another is not an uncommon scenario sadly and you have done this very thing; swapping one abuser for yet another of a different type but abusive all the same. They do not all have to hit you to hurt you. Your boundaries, already skewed by previous abuse, are being further eroded and otherwise got at by this individual now.

Please contact Womens Aid and get advice from them as to how to leave safely because your safety here is of paramount importance. Be on your own going forward and love your own self for a change. Enrol yourself also onto the Freedom Programme as a part of your recovery from being abused.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE. What has happened to you is not your fault; this is all on the people who have abused you.
You did nothing to warrant any level of abuse.

Abusers are not all nasty to start with because no-one would want to be with them otherwise. The power and control they exert creeps up on people unawares over time. They test your boundaries to see how much you will tolerate.

Do you have any access to money?. This current man is keeping you financially and economically abused to prevent you from leaving. Where is your salary going?.

Saving money also takes time and that is not something you have a luxury of. The longer you remain with him the harder it will feel to get away. You have made a small but important step in writing about your abuse on here because abuse also thrives on secrecy.

You need a refuge place and hopefully WA will be able to source you one of these.

Wise words as always from Attila and AllProper makes a very good point: you don’t need a man and it’s probably better for you to stay single until you have done some re-learning around how to choose a partner. Women Who Love Too Much might help with that.

Being single would be blissful compared to what you're describing.

I have never been called a bitch by any of my boyfriends. My dp has never shouted at me, never sworn at me, never hurt me. When we disagree we do so respectfully. I am saying this not to gloat but to help show just how unacceptable this man's behaviour is. It is not normal.

This is abuse.

My financially abusive ex did similar by deliberately not turning up to look after our child as planned, the weekend before I had a very full-on interview to prepare for.

Does he stop you accessing your own earnings? You'll be able to get support with that. There's also a small government grant of up to £2,500 if you need it to get away from an abusive home or, later, to organise somewhere to live.

You desperately need to talk to the helpline. Oh, and well done for understanding that you've left one abuser for another type of abuser. It's very hard to see this when you're in it. Now get out of it!

Wishing you all the luck and a following wind.