New bloke, erectile dysfunction

[bringonyourwreckingball]

Married for 19 years to a man who it turned out was shagging prostitutes for at least 15 of those years. Separated 2 years, divorced nearly 1. One relationship in the middle, 8 months with a bloke where the sex was good (not great) but no real connection. I’ve had breast cancer in the middle of this. Anyway - have met a new guy who I really like, we have loads in common and he makes me laugh and is on my wavelength politically, socially etc. No kids - I have 2 but nearly adults. But last night he told me he has ED. I am not sure what to do. Sex is not the be all and end all for me and I think knowing that he isn’t going to be looking elsewhere is a big thing for me. I’m nearly 50, I do value intimacy and companionship over sex. But can I really do this?

Only you know the answer to that really. There are other ways to be intimate aside from penetration, if in every other way you really like him then depends if it's enough to be a deal breaker.

Do meds help? Cialis etc

Some women would be delighted as they aren't interested in sex at all. Only you can know if this is a dealbreaker.

He says he has pills which help but can’t be spontaneous which is fine because I would have to have an empty house anyway.

Try and see. Take penetrative sex off the table for a bit. Then see with pills - if you have to plan anyway ...

It’s very common as men age. No it wouldn’t put me off.

Ooof

Not a nice or helpful post.

Either you’re just trolling various threads for shits she giggles or you are awful.

OP personally I would much rather have a kind interesting funny loving man who may need some prep time for sex/focus on other types of intimacy than either a cheating arsehole or someone with whom I have no connection. Maybe I would have chosen differently in my 20s but late 40s 100% I would keep seeing this guy

Really unkind. Would you have the same perspective of a woman who struggled with something as she aged, for example the menopause if she was struggling with having a desire for sex. Imagine if someone said “do you really want a frigid woman? I don’t think it’s as common as people make out”. Ugh.

^ This.

This poster thinks that consent is a hoot on another thread.

Trolling.

or just unpleasant.

I think this is the thing. I am menopausal because of the cancer so sex isn’t straightforward anyway. I think I should go for this

You'd hope he might be more inventive about sex in that case which if you've had cancer treatment might also suit you better (are you using low dose vaginal oestrogen btw?). If he's nice then why not go for it?

Yes see how it goes. Who knows it may not work out for other reasons but it would be a shame to write it off just for this I think

It’s a difficult one. I met someone last year who had ED due to having prostate cancer and as much as I liked him, I decided that I couldn’t be in a relationship with PIV off the table. But it’s a very personal choice. There’s no right or wrong answer .

Only you know the answer. It didn’t stop me in the past, it didn’t work out in the end but not due to this issue. Well, at least as far as I know. He gave a lot of nonsense reasons for ending it so maybe his insecurity related to ED was more significant than I realised.

Do you do other stuff? Is he into oral? My DP loves giving and we do that a lot when he doesn't take the blue pill!

@Whyherewego we are not there yet it is very early days. But I have my own reasons for not liking oral.
i think consensus is give it a go. And I am happy with that, just wanted to be sure I wasn’t settling out of misplaced desperation.

I think it depends, if you don't like oral and you do really enjoy sex then it's potential to be an issue... unless he's happy taking the pill. The main thing is you have to believe it's not personal ie he wants to but just can't rather than he doesn't fancy you. Takes a while to get your head around it

I did.. It was the best thing I ever did.
We have a wonderful relationship with lots of cuddles.
As it turned out, 8 years after we married, I became disabled which would have make it very difficult to have intercourse anyway