New bloke, erectile dysfunction

[bringonyourwreckingball]

Married for 19 years to a man who it turned out was shagging prostitutes for at least 15 of those years. Separated 2 years, divorced nearly 1. One relationship in the middle, 8 months with a bloke where the sex was good (not great) but no real connection. I’ve had breast cancer in the middle of this. Anyway - have met a new guy who I really like, we have loads in common and he makes me laugh and is on my wavelength politically, socially etc. No kids - I have 2 but nearly adults. But last night he told me he has ED. I am not sure what to do. Sex is not the be all and end all for me and I think knowing that he isn’t going to be looking elsewhere is a big thing for me. I’m nearly 50, I do value intimacy and companionship over sex. But can I really do this?

@Whyherewego I actually think that might be a bonus. After the husband prostitute situation I really suffered with self esteem

I find penetrative sex overrated anyway. As long as he is comfortable being intimate in other ways, I don’t see a major problem at this stage of life.

I think knowing that he isn’t going to be looking elsewhere is a big thing for me

If you think having ED guarantees he isn’t going to be looking elsewhere, you haven’t been browsing the relationships board on here for very long.

I feel a bit sad for you that you see this as a plus point - the only or the main reason you think he’ll be faithful.

I think it is ok for you to say that you don’t know whether it is an issue. For me it would definitely be an issue if he was using porn, or if it was a side effect of a heath issue he wasn’t even trying to manage.

How does he see this working: does he expect that you won’t have orgasms because he can’t, or is it just that PIV is off the table but very enjoyable sex is not?
There seems to be a lot more to talk about first.

I broke up with someone earlier this year and one of the main reasons was he couldn’t do piv sex. He didn’t even try! He was like ‘it’s not important’ and to be fair he was proactive in other areas but it just wasn’t what I was looking for. I craved the closeness and connection you feel when someone is inside you. I didn’t want to live without it.

saying that there’s been nobody else since so I’ve had nothing!

It sounds like you've been through a lot so you obviously don't want any complications that have caused you grief in the past - what's your gut feeling saying?

I think it's a plus that he's shared his condition with you early on - whether or not it's the end of the world for you is probably why you posted on here. I know a bit about it but it depends on the cause - did he elaborate on the situation - is it a medical issue, a medication side effect or something else? Obviously it's a delicate subject but if you really like each other you can seek help and answers. How old is he? It's quite common apparently but he may feel happier seeking answers if there's a reason to. Get him to talk more about it - the questions are endless.

Thank you for all viewpoints. We went on a lovely third date - he was kind, respectful, funny and so many green flags- I am going to give it a go. For those who asked, he is 47 so on the young side and I don’t know the cause. I think he told me because we had a really lovely date and were clearly moving on to something and he wanted to be upfront. I appreciate that. He is affectionate and tactile and I value that probably more than a shag at my age.

All the best OP, I hope it works out for you.