He didn’t reply

[TfromNY]

27 female. been on dating apps for over 6 months now. Not much luck at all. It’s quite brutal tbh.

Matched on Hinge. He initiated match and the first conversation. He initiated most chats and topics. Seems like a nice chap.
Then asked me out on the app, and I said ‘sure why not’

I’ve passed the ball to him to arrange and leave it up to him. I didn’t say anything like whej are you free, where you wanna go. Nothing. I just said yes why no and a smiley face emoji.

then he didn’t reply.

conversation was quite chill but with depth. I’m not clingy either. In the past, if nothing comes out of a conversation, at least I’ve learnt something from the person (weird and wonderful jobs i never new existed), open my eyes to things.

Not even gonna ask on mumsnet why he done it, I’ve come to learn it could be anything. Action speaks louder than words. But just wanted a rant I guess, especially after 6 months. First guy that the conversation isn’t dead and thought would be nice to meet and see where things go and learn new things.

I just don’t understand guys. From another planet I swear…

im financially stable, high paying job, quite a smart cookie and not lacking in appearance and physique (not a model but pleasant looking). I have good dry senor of humour and always like to talk about them and generate conversation about them to be respectful, not talk about myself. i learnt that from young when my parents bring me to friends dinner and I have to network and socialise with people and be interested in them, not talk about myself all day. It’s respect.

anyway just wanted a rant…. just tired to answering to how are you and what do you do on repeat. Onto the next one I guess.

at least I have a full weekend plans with friends and a musical tonight with work folks.

Some men are weird. And some are weirder than others. Lol. Put it down to experience.

Unfortunately this is all too common on OLD. There’s a lot out there who really just want attention with no intention of meeting and they waste peoples time.

I was chatting daily to a guy for about 3 weeks- we would have met sooner but I went on holiday - he instigated the messages daily even when I was on Crete and he suggested a date.

Then after 3 weeks of constant communication, 24 hours before our date (and after confirming I was still up for meeting) he ghosted me. Literally from chatting several times a day to disappearing. And he was in his 50’s ffs

If I’d suggested a meet up and the person replied “why not” it take that as a luke warm response. That’s probably not how you intended it but we all interpret things through our own lens. I’d have replied “yes, I’d love to, when are you thinking?”

This happens too often course. I’ve been on both ends of this behaviour.

If you really said 'Sure why not' then I can see why he didn't reply. I wouldn't respond to such a luke warm response to me asking someone out. I wouldn't expect a gushing response but yours felt too casual.

I think a lot of the married men or ones who've not been honest about themselves are most likely to be the ones to do this.

Utter losers.

I’m sure some do. But OLD is a numbers game. A genuinely available person chatting to possibly multiple will choose the person that shows they are definitely interested in meeting. OP didn’t do that.

I was trying to be cool…. Didn’t have a positive effect.

It’s always a gamble. The problem is you only control how you act and think, not how the other person reacts/interprets. On to the next one OP!

He has a better option.

Oh no… I was looking back on our messages. I didn’t even say ‘yes why not. I just said one word - ‘sure’

lol I didn’t think that was an issue

Probably yeh

It's subjective. You probably were shortlisted but didn't make the final cut. It happens.

I think given you've not been very enthusiastic in your response, it's time for you to take a bit of a lead if you do think meeting him would be good. I'd message with a 'how about next week for meeting up?'

Your reply sounds like you couldn’t be arsed and/or would flake nearer the time.

The main question here though is why on earth you were talking to a stranger online for SIX months??

Give it two weeks and if no date/plans for one and no in person meet up within a month, leave it.

He initiated everything, took the punt and asked you out and you just put "sure"?! 😂

I think you can only blame yourself for this one, I would not reply to that sort of one word answer either.

I agree with this. If you want to meet them a bit of enthusiasm wouldn’t go amiss.

A reply along lines of ‘that would be great, let’s find a date that works for us both’

At least he knows you’re serious about meeting

I have said “sure” many times and they have followed through with planning and turning up to dates. Onto the next OP!!

They don't want to date. They want entertainment from the apps, sex if they can be bothered.
Once you understand this you won't waste so much of your time.

I did take the lead from time to time and have good humour.

I messaged him with more enthusiasm but no reply. I got my answer.

thanks anyway. I was keen to meet up but oh well.

Not talking for 6 months, I’ve been on apps for 6 months.

We’ve been talking for 1 week.

Yeah, I'd have assumed you weren't interested based on that. I'd expect at least some engagement in return for asking someone out!

thanks for everyone for your input!

After my short message of ‘sure’ (I didn’t mean for it to be taken that way obvi) last night, I sent him another message today asking when he’s free and if wants to try this cafe.

He then replied asking when suits me.

I thought he would reply with a time and date instead of asking me when I’m free.

Men are from a different planet. Even my brother’s texts- I don’t get. I’m not even sure as a sister I understand…

It stands out to me that you learnt from a young age that you have to be interested in what the other person says and not talk too much about yourself. That's an odd lesson for your parents to instill, I think maybe you may have taken it too much to heart perhaps? Conversation should be 2 way and equal. You should be aiming to impart the same aount of information as they do. If you find you are not, either it comes across as being cagey when asked, or it's that they are not asking you and are too busy talking about themselves.
You gave a one word answer of 'sure', not surprised he didn't reply - I wouldn't of either. You followed up with better and suggested a cafe and he replied asking when suits you. That's good, why are you pouring hot water on that? It's better to be given the control of when to do it, he is being gracious with that maybe.
I think it's looking like you expect the man to do all the running -the first and continued contacts, the planning of when etc. He's could be thinking its about time you did your bit as he's put all the effort in so far. ( you sound like hard work tbf).

'Sure' is absolutely fine.
At least you now know he's a twat and a time waster.