He didn’t reply

[TfromNY]

27 female. been on dating apps for over 6 months now. Not much luck at all. It’s quite brutal tbh.

Matched on Hinge. He initiated match and the first conversation. He initiated most chats and topics. Seems like a nice chap.
Then asked me out on the app, and I said ‘sure why not’

I’ve passed the ball to him to arrange and leave it up to him. I didn’t say anything like whej are you free, where you wanna go. Nothing. I just said yes why no and a smiley face emoji.

then he didn’t reply.

conversation was quite chill but with depth. I’m not clingy either. In the past, if nothing comes out of a conversation, at least I’ve learnt something from the person (weird and wonderful jobs i never new existed), open my eyes to things.

Not even gonna ask on mumsnet why he done it, I’ve come to learn it could be anything. Action speaks louder than words. But just wanted a rant I guess, especially after 6 months. First guy that the conversation isn’t dead and thought would be nice to meet and see where things go and learn new things.

I just don’t understand guys. From another planet I swear…

im financially stable, high paying job, quite a smart cookie and not lacking in appearance and physique (not a model but pleasant looking). I have good dry senor of humour and always like to talk about them and generate conversation about them to be respectful, not talk about myself. i learnt that from young when my parents bring me to friends dinner and I have to network and socialise with people and be interested in them, not talk about myself all day. It’s respect.

anyway just wanted a rant…. just tired to answering to how are you and what do you do on repeat. Onto the next one I guess.

at least I have a full weekend plans with friends and a musical tonight with work folks.

Flip the situation. If it was you asking someone on a date and they responded with a one word answer "sure" and didn't reply with "when are you free?" etc, how would you feel? You'd probably feel they weren't that bothered. It's hard enough to judge someone's tone through a message anyway, but "sure" is about as unenthusiastic and non-committal as it's possible to get.

When one person feels like they're having to put more effort in, and it's still not going anywhere, it's only going to end like this.

Take it as a lesson to communicate better next time, and maybe you'll have better luck.

I think replying “sure” can come across as blunt and if I were him I would think you weren’t that keen.

& he could have also asked another girl out who instead replied with more effort eg “sounds great, when are you free?” and prioritising meeting that person.

Of course there will always be some flaky people on dating apps too even when you do everything ‘right’ but I think in this case you maybe could have replied better.

I would have lost all the interest before even setting my eyes on "sure".

Keep going! You will meet someone and it will be worth it in the end. If I’m completely honest, I think your reply should have been a bit/lot warmer. If someone asks me out on a date, my usual response is something like ‘I’d love to!🤗 When are you free? Xx’. If I replied what you did, I wouldn’t have expected a response because they’d probably have thought I wasn’t that interested and just going on a date for the sake of it instead of actually wanting to meet them as an individual. You have to make them feel a bit special you know. All totally my opinion of course, and it’s tricky because you have to be yourself on there obviously! I get asked out on dating apps quite a lot (cringe) and I’m sure it’s because I come across really cheerful and bubbly. Don’t give up; your man is out there somewhere waiting to be found!😝 That’s what I keep telling myself every time I meet someone and then it doesn’t work out lol x

Your reply was fine OP. He is not 100% sure himself, hence, uncertainty. When men really interested, they make it very easy for you.

He asked her on a date fgs! And all he got was a one word response.

I know men often get a lot of stick on here (and often time deservedly) but geez! He ain't a bloody mind reader.

@FluffyPineapples And she said yes. He didn't have to read her mind. The ball was in his court after she agreed.

OP to be honest I’m not really understanding you and your responses to him? 🤣

You ‘think’ a lot of things around how he should respond or what he should say. He’s just a person, he cannot read your mind. Maybe he’s had a shit month on dating apps too? He asks a girl out and she says ‘sure’, it’s not going to do much for the confidence! He then asks her when would suit to meet at a cafe she wants to go to and the girl is somehow unimpressed with this too??

I have autism and just reading this almost gave me an aneurysm.

Do you think, op, that there's maybe just too much to unpack here? It seems needlessly complicated. Just meet him and see if you like him? He's not said no and he's asked when you're free, I assume he is just happy to do what suits you. I don't really understand what's being read into this. It seems very early on for this level of over thinking, involvement, expectations and mental gymnastics. I don't think it's supposed to be that hard.

There was a thread on here earlier. A woman asked another one out for a coffee. Second woman agreed to meet up.

They never met for coffee because the first woman didn’t realise it was her job to reply to the acceptance and suggest a time and place.

Not everyone knows this rule! Social norms aren’t always normal to other people.

I wouldn't reply to Sure either. I'd expect there to be a follow on. Half the social transaction is missing.

He's asked when are you free, why don't you tell him when you are free so he can suggest a suitable time when you are both free? He's trying to set a date that suits you.

Maybe you should speak.

OP, do you work for a living, have any commitments that you may have shared with him? If so, he's actually being considerate in letting you choose. But you are analysing too much. He asks, you reply, it's the way it goes (preferably with more than 1 word).
I'm thinking maybe you happen to be ND? You hark back to a time of your parents advising and maybe are carrying that advice out to the letter? Have latched onto it? The way you mentioned it was like "I know to do this because my parents taught me" whereas a NT person would just read signs in the moment rather than needing to follow a rule and act on instinct. If so, it's good to ask advice on here for a general consensus. Asking for support and help from a general consensus is better than fixing on what 2 peoples opinion from years back say, even though they were your parents, does not mean they were right or meant you to take as said literally. I'm a parent, but also human, therefore, my opinion to my DS, is just a pov, I am not the oracle, and not always right.

Granted I'm a woman, but I'd have been instantly turned off at 'sure'.

It's so dry and uninterested, I'd feel like you were just going along with it but weren't actually that bothered. I'd assume the person was hard work, which reading your following posts, would have been an accurate evaluation it seems.

Haven't you got a lot of expectations of how he should respond, when you're a grown woman still trying to 'play it cool'?

A lack of enthusiasm isn't attractive. Nobody wants to be getting ready for a meet up when the other person seems like they've just nothing better to do. Neither is trying to play it cool - it's infantile. And people, men or women, can see straight through it.

Dating sites are awful

Chill and take time for yourself