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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Never felt so alone in my life

28 replies

youonlyliveonce99 · 14/11/2024 17:27

You know I sit here and I wonder why I'm here, why I was even brought into this world.

I feel soo alone, these past few years have been soo rough and testing and I just wonder why I'm always getting shit.

All I've ever wanted was to be happy, settled and have a family life and a job.

I have none of that.

I just feel soo lonely and sad all the time. Just drifting through life like a ghost. Same shit different day, washing, cooking and cleaning. I get no enjoyment out of my life, I look forward to nothing I barely go out because I just feel tired and unmotivated all the time. I have no family, well none that are interested in me or my children. Never see family and friends only bother if I end up making arrangement and making the plans and message them first.

I literally do washing, cook and clean sleep repeat day in day out.

I feel my life is pointless. I feel I exist for nothing. I'm so bored of this life. I feel I have a very bleak future. Will I ever be happy?

OP posts:
MisterPNumber23 · 14/11/2024 17:34

I think you need to get a job of some sort, OP, even something a few hours one day a week that fits round your kids. Or volunteer somewhere for a few hours.

I think if you felt less socially isolated you'd start to be able to make a start on other parts.

Xxx

WanaBeMillionaire · 14/11/2024 17:34

I was really sad to read this- you mention your children- do you have a relationship with them at all?

I know it's really tough- but try and see I'f there are any local groups or classes you might like to try? Motivation is really hard but if you can get enough to book just one class it might be enough to start making you feel better.

Darker · 14/11/2024 17:34

Sorry you are feeling so low.

For context, roughly how old are you and what is your state of health?

SkaneTos · 14/11/2024 17:35

You write that you have children, so I think you definitely have a family.

SkaneTos · 14/11/2024 17:36

I hope you will feel better soon!
Can you do something fun with your kids? How old are they?

80s · 14/11/2024 17:38

Have you spoken to a doctor about this?

SkaneTos · 14/11/2024 17:38

I see now that you wrote "family life", not "family". I misread.

What is your situation with your children? How old are they?

PaminaMozart · 14/11/2024 17:40

Sadly, life won't come to you - you have to create it. Work, hobbies, friendships - they all can enrich our lives but require effort on our part.

You have children, so you do have family. They'll grow up so quickly - try to treasure the time you have with them.

Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 14/11/2024 17:49

WanaBeMillionaire · 14/11/2024 17:34

I was really sad to read this- you mention your children- do you have a relationship with them at all?

I know it's really tough- but try and see I'f there are any local groups or classes you might like to try? Motivation is really hard but if you can get enough to book just one class it might be enough to start making you feel better.

I have all my kids they are 14,11,8 and 19months. I'm a single mum I'm 33

OP posts:
Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 14/11/2024 17:50

Darker · 14/11/2024 17:34

Sorry you are feeling so low.

For context, roughly how old are you and what is your state of health?

Mental health has deteriorated over the last year. Just feel sad all the time. Just don't want to be here if honest. Just literally floating through life.

OP posts:
Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 14/11/2024 17:51

SkaneTos · 14/11/2024 17:36

I hope you will feel better soon!
Can you do something fun with your kids? How old are they?

Edited

14,11,8 and 19 months. I have three baby dads what a joke hey? Seems I can't even keep men happy just feel a failure in life.

OP posts:
Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 14/11/2024 17:51

80s · 14/11/2024 17:38

Have you spoken to a doctor about this?

No I don't feel like they listen.

OP posts:
Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 14/11/2024 17:51

SkaneTos · 14/11/2024 17:38

I see now that you wrote "family life", not "family". I misread.

What is your situation with your children? How old are they?

14,11,8 and 19months. They live with me full time.

OP posts:
Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 14/11/2024 17:52

PaminaMozart · 14/11/2024 17:40

Sadly, life won't come to you - you have to create it. Work, hobbies, friendships - they all can enrich our lives but require effort on our part.

You have children, so you do have family. They'll grow up so quickly - try to treasure the time you have with them.

Just finding it exhausting doing it alone and being alone and having no one and I'm just feeling life is very hard at the moment. Just don't get why I'm even here if honest. My life is dull and I don't look forward to anything anymore I don't get enjoyment out of anything.

OP posts:
WanaBeMillionaire · 14/11/2024 17:53

I completely understand how easy it can be to feel like you do- but at this point your children are so young and need you. If nothing else your here for them and you are their whole world right now. Being a mum Is special- take some take to see how much your doing for them.. I'm sure it's alot!

GiveMeTheFormula · 14/11/2024 18:00

Hi OP, no advice but I'm feeling the exact same as you.

Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 14/11/2024 18:00

WanaBeMillionaire · 14/11/2024 17:53

I completely understand how easy it can be to feel like you do- but at this point your children are so young and need you. If nothing else your here for them and you are their whole world right now. Being a mum Is special- take some take to see how much your doing for them.. I'm sure it's alot!

Don't feel it, don't feel appreciated. I've been thinking about my relationships and maybe it's me who's the problem. I've failed with their fathers and I'm unable to have a family life. Maybe I am the problem maybe it's me. Even down to my parenting. They would probably be better off without me in their life. I'm feel so done.

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 14/11/2024 18:05

Being a single mum is hard. I’ve been there. It does get easier as they get bigger. I assume the older 3 are in school full time? I know it’s hard to motivate yourself when you’re feeling exhausted and depressed, but could you start taking the youngest one to some local playgroups? Or community projects? See what’s happening in your area and get involved. You’ll become part of something, meet new people, find friends with a young kid the same age as yours who are feeling it tough too. Solidarity.

Toddlers are hard work!
Even if you can’t do that, try and get out for a walk every day with the pram. It will blow off the cobwebs, give you exercise and that releases positive endorphins, which will boost your mood.

There is a point to your life. Your children need you. Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Remember that. Without you they have nothing.

It’s worth speaking to someone. See what counselling services are in your area. There might be some groups for single mums. If not, speak to your GP about a referral for some counselling.

Start planning now what you will do when your youngest goes to nursery. That’s not that far away and you will start to get your own life back. What do you want to do? Be? Spend some time thinking about that. Make decisions about your future and what you want that to look like and go for it. Get up every morning and put on music that lifts your spirits. Set up a shelf in your house with things that make you feel good when you look at them. Pictures you love, some drag flowers, trinkets that mean something special and good to you. Have a look at it every day and try to see the good in life. Try to focus on the things you do have and be grateful for them. By cultivating an attitude of gratitude you start to change your frame of mind from one of negativity to positivity.

orangesonatree · 14/11/2024 19:01

Oh sweetheart it sounds like you really need some support 😔 it’s a phase, it’ll get better just don’t give up. We all go through times like this and question our worth.
try speaking to your GP again as a starter… with some support you can turn your life around.

80s · 14/11/2024 19:36

youonlyliveonce99 · 14/11/2024 17:51

No I don't feel like they listen.

Show quote history

I know what you mean. And even if they do listen, they don't have time. But your comment "I look forward to nothing I barely go out because I just feel tired and unmotivated all the time." sounds a lot like depression. In that condition, you can't "just" find the motivation, pull your socks up and find the joy in lfe etc. You could be drinking cocktails in the South of France with Ryan Gosling and you would feel nothing. You need to give your brain a kick start.

As a single mum I'm sure you've been in the position of struggling and fighting for your children. Sometimes you just have to rely on stubborn, angry, pissed-off persistence. Even if you don't see the point, if you keep on turning up at the doctors and doggedly sitting on that chair until someone gives you something that might help, then you've a better chance of getting through this with a tiny bit less pain.

80s · 14/11/2024 19:40

Maybe I am the problem maybe it's me.
Considering that these fathers are not even lifting a finger to provide a part-time home for their own children, I'd say they are the failures in this story.
What is it in your past that's made you stay with this kind of man?

MrPickles0001 · 15/11/2024 19:07

in my experience i can relate to many points,

my job got pickled, due to restructuring (it was perfect for meeting agents in cafes)

as for my purpose i guess i give my self purpose with my hobbies as best as
job hunting
then gardening is quite rewarding

yes at the times its sleep, eat, wash, job search / gardening etc

Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 16/11/2024 10:56

80s · 14/11/2024 19:40

Maybe I am the problem maybe it's me.
Considering that these fathers are not even lifting a finger to provide a part-time home for their own children, I'd say they are the failures in this story.
What is it in your past that's made you stay with this kind of man?

I choose the wrong bloke. Always get fooled at the start of the relationship. More fool me hey.

OP posts:
Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 16/11/2024 10:57

orangesonatree · 14/11/2024 19:01

Oh sweetheart it sounds like you really need some support 😔 it’s a phase, it’ll get better just don’t give up. We all go through times like this and question our worth.
try speaking to your GP again as a starter… with some support you can turn your life around.

Does it get better though? It's been like this for 4 years I'm starting to think this is how it's always going to be. ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
youonlyliveonce99 · 16/11/2024 11:01

TipsyJoker · 14/11/2024 18:05

Being a single mum is hard. I’ve been there. It does get easier as they get bigger. I assume the older 3 are in school full time? I know it’s hard to motivate yourself when you’re feeling exhausted and depressed, but could you start taking the youngest one to some local playgroups? Or community projects? See what’s happening in your area and get involved. You’ll become part of something, meet new people, find friends with a young kid the same age as yours who are feeling it tough too. Solidarity.

Toddlers are hard work!
Even if you can’t do that, try and get out for a walk every day with the pram. It will blow off the cobwebs, give you exercise and that releases positive endorphins, which will boost your mood.

There is a point to your life. Your children need you. Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Remember that. Without you they have nothing.

It’s worth speaking to someone. See what counselling services are in your area. There might be some groups for single mums. If not, speak to your GP about a referral for some counselling.

Start planning now what you will do when your youngest goes to nursery. That’s not that far away and you will start to get your own life back. What do you want to do? Be? Spend some time thinking about that. Make decisions about your future and what you want that to look like and go for it. Get up every morning and put on music that lifts your spirits. Set up a shelf in your house with things that make you feel good when you look at them. Pictures you love, some drag flowers, trinkets that mean something special and good to you. Have a look at it every day and try to see the good in life. Try to focus on the things you do have and be grateful for them. By cultivating an attitude of gratitude you start to change your frame of mind from one of negativity to positivity.

I did want to do my nursing I ended up going back to college to complete my math and English which I did, I even got into university and was meant to off started two years ago but had to be postponed because my eldest has additional needs and I needed to get him settled I just haven't gone back to it because I can see how hard it's going to be without support from family and the stress off the degree itself, plus child care etc, I have no idea what I want to do anymore I'm stuck in this grey area where I think what is life? As I say it's hard to look forward to things and get enjoyment out of anything when all I can do at the moment is the tedious typical mum crap. I want to work and get somewhere in life to show my kids too that you can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it. I'm just jumping over hurdles at the moment with things I would like to do career wise because I would have to solely rely on child care which is extremely costly. I just feel like a maid at the moment and it's so boring.

OP posts:
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