Adultwork

[happyhoney123]

Hello I've discovered a whole profile from Adultwork of a young woman (27) in a folder on my husband's iPhone. I just happened to go through it while he was asleep last night and came across it. To play detective I signed up then did a search of this particular girl who lives just a few miles away from us. Nice discreet cosy set up in an apartment. I feel sick to my stomach and haven't gone into work today as I need to prioritise myself. I left it open so he'd see it when he woke up to start a conversation. He said there was nothing there ( he took his phone to the loo) then after probing more said the lads at work looked at these kinds of things.
I'm devastated as we're in our 50s coming up to retirement and we have 4 grown up girls and grandchildren (what the hell is going on here)?
He says he didn't put it into a folder but I have folders to organise my stuff so I know that they don't put themselves first. Am I overreacting here? I'm in the process of getting all of his personal belongings and leaving them outside. I own my home outright so he would have to go back to his parents as he has nothing in his name.
I want to be with someone who wants me. This is our 2nd marriage and I'm slim healthy and take good care of myself. Thanks for reading x

More like a true troll.
That's a man, baby.

Troll 🙄

Yay! Good for you and that lying bastard can go fuck himself.

Of course it is.

Tramp can have a couple of meanings, all fair in this particular case, of this particular saddo.

Good morning you lovely lot. You all kept me going throughout yesterday. Thank you 🙏 I'm really grateful. I've got no one to talk to about this until I meet up with a long time girlfriend on Sunday where I'll be able to pour my heart out.
I slept well last night. Yesterday I went through the whole house and threw out alcohol remnants as I intend to only drink occasionally now. My stbxh was a heavy drinker and at times I'd get drawn into it.
I'm not going to tell my family why we've finally gone separate ways. Do they need to know that their step dad was showing an unhealthy interest in a female of a similar age to them? No I'll spare them that.
He came across as extremely helpful and charming and couldn't do enough for everyone and that's why everyone thought well of him. I do think that people with addiction are like this to overcompensate for their hidden behaviours. I'd welcome anyone's thoughts on this please.
Thanks again 😊

Sadly, I think some men can compartmentalise how they feel about their wife and family and how they behave in secret. If they didn’t exist, these sites and services would not exist.
I read a thread on here yesterday of a lady who works as an escort, and it was to act as a warning to anyone wanting to enter that line of work. And it did underline the amount of older men pursuing girls young enough to be their daughter or even granddaughter.
Also learned from another thread on here about what happens to the brain when porn is consumed online - the algorithm will push the user into more and more risky areas. It is dangerous to the user as they end up looking at more extreme stuff. And of course the people they are consuming are human beings, usually very young women and girls who are damaged and vulnerable.
This man will have to reflect on his behaviours. He might be able to style it out in front of his friends, but he will have some awareness of what he’s done. I’m not excusing him and after his other mistakes and appalling treatment of you, you did the best thing by forcing him to leave.
Sadly many men get lost into this world of leading a normal life on the surface and then getting lost in whatever fantasy world an escort/s represents. They bury that the woman has no interest in them, and probably finds them repulsive. It is a dopamine hit to the brain which destroys relationships and families.
He is in essence a sad man leading a pathetic existence. It’s up to him now whether he does something about it, but it would hard to take back a man who pays to use a woman’s body.
It may be hidden but it is also very common. You are not alone in this, and you have been very brave.

Good on you OP. You will forever feel disgusted by him and not be able to respect him, you should tell the kids though because they will blame you for the split otherwise

Yes disgusting 🤮 is all I think of him more than ever after this. It goes to show what he's accumulated as in belongings over his 54 years. 3 bin liners of clothes and a couple of bags for personal stuff.
I moved into my current house last year for a fresh start after his cheating but unfortunately decided to try again.
He lived in my previous family home for 12 years-marrying me knowing the gambling addiction he had and hid it.
We were never a typical married couple. Although he works hard and paid for most things when out or on holiday I covered all of the house stuff as it's mine. I have an awful pain in my stomach today which I had after he'd cheated and after I found out about the gambling debts. Please tell me it gets easier as I'm not good on my own . But I'm no way going backwards thanks for reading and allowing me to vent on here

Well done for kicking him out.

Does he really think you are that stupid to believe it was for a stag do at work? 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP when you are living with a man who
is sleeping with escorts, you are already alone. There might be someone living in the house, but that’s it.
I read a great quote before - if you get on the wrong train, get off at the next stop. The longer you stay on, the more expensive it becomes.
Don’t put yourself down saying you are no good on your own.
You really would be in a bad way continuing with this man.
Yes it’s tough at first but there is a freedom in expanding your own life. As for meeting someone else it may never be a thing for you, but never say never.
And you would never have that chance staying in this situation, it’s like torture.

@happyhoney123 you are right about over compensating- when my H has been watching porn - occasionally several times a day - ( and he doesn't know that I know but I still have the child locks on the router- but with nothing blocked) he busily rings me to offer to pick me up, asks if I need anything from shop, tells me I look nice etc - you get the drift

I admire how you have responded to discovering betrayal. I also suspect that you didn't ever fully trust him before that find - hence checking when he was asleep.
You are strong in maintaining an extremely cold "get out" message his way, but I totally understand that you are not "always strong" - hence the stomach pains (anxiety).
Sad as it is, you have been on your own for a long time (you just didn't know) - and you were okay when you "didn't know". You will be okay knowing too, because the only change is the knowledge of what you already suspected.
There are other men in the world that wouldn't cheat on you. Life experience doesn't revolve around him - despite his ego! 💐

@Crikeyalmighty how do you see what's been accessed on the router?

When I strip everything down to the basics it goes like this ( this is helping me to process it all)

married me with big debts -no credit-
I opened a letter to discover this- kicked him out

Found messages to clarify that he was spending time with an ex- whilst declaring us (his family history) to her-kicked him out

Discovered a profile of a local escort in a file in his iPhone -3rd time that's it Done!!

@veryyydemure Cisco umbrella - you just use open dns coordinates under dns on router settings- but have no 'blocks' - you don't need to be techy to do it- you do need to know how to go into router settings. You then have a Cisco umbrella account and can see all activity in realtime - a lot of it is total rubbish, general connections, tracking stuff etc but you will get the general drift and can filter too so you don't have to look at hours and hours of complete bumph- you can't filter by device though so it's easier if like me you don't have anyone at home apart from H or have young kids etc who aren't accessing internet. It's only stuff going via router though so if anyone uses their data or a VPN it won't show- although you can see if anyone connects to a VPN -

@veryyydemure if I can just say there was some dodgy behaviour in the past- and I decided to stay- I accept it's not that healthy but I feel more in control for being the first to know if it's anything other than just 'porn' ( not that I am really ok with that either)

I’m just gonna have to wait till tomorrow

oh my gosh.. that is awefull.. but maybe he could be telling the truth?
i reckon, if you have joined you should put a profile up of yourself.. imagine the look on his face when he sees it..
Never know you may get a few fellas!!

If he has pictures in his phone of her then there is a 100% chance, he has visited her and paid her for sex I know this isn’t what you want to hear! but there is no excuse for it. And trying to blame work colleagues is just a coward way out. if I was you I’d play him at his own games get yourself dressed up and go out and have some fun play him at his own games. Not a nice thing to put a wife through especially with a family of children.

Well I don't know the details.but if he as all those grown-up daughters no doubt he's put somthing in. now you have stopped putting out I wonder who Is the one that thinks they are intitled.

Given the pattern of toxic behaviour from you both - the cheating you allege he has committed, and the spying you've twice admitted you have committed - it's abundantly clear the relationship was doomed from the beginning.

Hopefully, everybody can now move on.

The way I see it he his probably being asked to now live the life of a monk sexually because the wife now hates sex but of coure I maybe wrong which probably means it wasn't a open subject and spying was her remedy sad that a relationship with adult kids went that way but prob for the best

Just lie to him and say that you called her and she admit that he was her customer . May be he will scare and admit the truth .

That’s no excuse for buying or sleeping with a woman in her 20s, it’s gross.
He will forever be one of those sleazy old men now