is it possible

[SprinklesSparkles]

Is it possible to date in this situation, ideally just wanting to hear from people that have actually been in this situation and can confirm it’s possible and they managed and how did it work? so if you have your kids full time, no ex around and no family help (don’t have money for regular sitters) then how did you managed to date again? i’ve been told by people that it’s perfectly possible to meet someone in this situation and only date during school hours, but how does that work irl from people that have been in this situation? i’m not convinced the people telling me it’s possible have actually been in this situation, how do you progress, are there many men that are ok with dating a woman with such little free time? no sleep overs, date nights , weekends away? holidays? i am not looking for a fwb i can see how it would work in that way but i would like a relationship. so has anyone been in this exact situation and actually managed to find a partner this way? is it possible?

Sorry but no, people just say that to make you feel better. I dated as a lone parent with 100%, but in no way would of been able to have a relationship without the help of family or babysitters. Plus, if you can't afford a babysitter, can you afford to date either? Dating cost money too, and expecting a man to foot the bill won't work these days.
Maybe focus on improving your income for a better future. Up friend connections with other mothers so you can do a reciprocal babysitting arrangement. You are going to have to take measures to alter your situation for it to become a realistic option.

i don’t agree that if you can’t afford sitters you can’t afford to date, i would never expect a man to pay but a babysitter would be £60 before i’ve even left the house, so then dinner £40 that’s £100 a date as opposed to £40 a date, that’s over double. no one has said it to make me feel better it’s me insisting it’s not possible and them telling me it is and seeming confused when i said it isn’t.

no no no

just focus on your children, work and home.

Hunker down, get finances sorted and most importantly stability for the children

so you’ve answered your own question re whether it’s possible

unless you’re talking about meeting for the odd coffee during school hours

yes and people have insisted i’m wrong hence asking if anyone in this situation has actually managed it.

asking if anyone has managed it, my children do have stability thanks i’ve been single nearly a decade.

Can you get a teenager to sit in your sofa for £20 £60 is a bit steep

i don’t know any teens this was a childcare website and it was £15 an hour minimum booking 4 hours (they all had a minimum booking fee)

no, all they were saying is basically - financially doesn’t sound like this is the right time for you, as someone dependent on getting a babysitter, to date

ok so how old are they? won’t be long before you have a bit more freedoms surely?

i am sure others have managed it
but building a relationship on the basis of the odd daytime coffee…. rare

my finances are fine thank you 😊 i think most people would struggle to afford a £60 sitter (before they’ve even left the house) once a week even couples.

You've been single nearly a decade... How old are your children?

Depending on their ages, I do believe something could be possible.
You don't need a sitter if you have teenagers and are only away for short times.

Don't they have afterschool hobbies sometimes, or go out with their friends?
Do they have sleepovers?

they are not teens, oldest is 12 and i would not leave him to babysit he is not responsible enough and i don’t think that would be fair on him. they are never out of the house all at the same time no.

yes but give it a couple of years and you’ll be able to pop out for…. weekend lunch, cinema, early evening drink

and i would like to meet someone sooner?

I'm in your position, kids 100% of the time and no family to help. They are older, but one has severe OCD and social anxiety. I've given up dating, also partly because I feel broken from exhaustion 😂. By the time I've finished work and dinner, walked the dog it's 8 and I'm dead

ok so to answer explicitly your op is it possible

yes

if you and he are fine with coffees during school hours for next couple of years

If you want to have a life outside of being a mother, you may have to start expecting a bit more flexibility from your children. And it's up to you whether you want to do that or not.

I remember my mum being a very loving, caring single mum, doing it all. But also having a healthy social and dating life. It wasn't even about dating men per se. She just had friends and went out with them from time to time. Not a weekly thing, or even every month for that matter. But it happened, and my brother and I accepted that.
That meant she'd sometimes organize sleepovers with our friends on the same weekend so she'd have some time off. Or in the summer break we'd be expected to do a camp or some kind of daytime activity at least, even if we didn't really enjoy it. It wasn't really up for discussion. Or when she did have a relationship and they'd do a weekend away, we'd have to make due (but I was 15-16 at the time).

unfortunately we haven’t done sleep overs with friends i’m not sure that’s really a thing here. they do go to clubs just not the oldest and the days they go clash anyway so one goes on Wednesday, one on friday that kind of thing.

I wouldn't think many people would want to date someone who had a time frame of 9-3 Monday to Friday, unless they didn't work, or was a stay at home parent in a similar boat to yourself with childcare.

I've just given up on dating for a bit as it's completely exhausting as a single parent. I've decided that as my children are only young for such a short period of my life, I want to focus on having fun with them and use the money spent on dating for fun activities for us to do.
It's only a couple more years and you will be much more free to date without the stress of baby sitters, etc.

Yes its possible. Dont you have a parent or sibling? I guess not so what about a friend who can babysit. Lifes too short to spend it alone.

IME The hard part isn't the first bit of dating it's when you're wanting to take it a bit further but before arriving at the introduction to kids stage, that part where you might spend 2/3 nights a week and sleepover at each others (if neither had kids) seeing if you're compatable longer term I just found really impossible

I haven't read the thread, sorry. But at age 39 I left my 13 year marriage with three young children. I was totally alone with no help. I did manage to dig deep in to the pocket and fund a sitter when I felt like a date might be worth it.

Five years on I'm happily married to my Tinder date, have two babies together and he's the best thing that ever happened to us.

It is possible, but you can't do it without pushing yourself financially or finding someone to cover your childcare.

Very tricky in that situation I think. I met my partner as a single parent with 100% custody but wouldn't have managed without a) my parents having my daughter overnight fairly regularly, b) her having a friend nearby with a very flexible mother who was happy for her to sleep over from time to time, c) the fact that I work four days a week so had a day off, and d) the fact that my partner is self-employed so more flexible with his time. We built the relationship by spending my day off together every week while my daughter was at school, and adding the odd weekend eve/night while she was staying elsewhere.

We are 18 months in now and at the stage of him staying here several nights a week so it has worked out, but if not for the factors above I'm not sure how we would have found the time and space. I doubt you'll be able to do much about points a and c by the sounds of it, but perhaps sleepovers are something worth looking into more, and looking for someone who can fit around you a bit. In my situation it also helped that we both felt strongly about each other from the start so were very committed to making it work and messaged/talked a lot in between meetings too...but of course that is luck of the draw and no guarantee you'll meet someone who is on the same wavelength from the beginning.