is it possible

[SprinklesSparkles]

Is it possible to date in this situation, ideally just wanting to hear from people that have actually been in this situation and can confirm it’s possible and they managed and how did it work? so if you have your kids full time, no ex around and no family help (don’t have money for regular sitters) then how did you managed to date again? i’ve been told by people that it’s perfectly possible to meet someone in this situation and only date during school hours, but how does that work irl from people that have been in this situation? i’m not convinced the people telling me it’s possible have actually been in this situation, how do you progress, are there many men that are ok with dating a woman with such little free time? no sleep overs, date nights , weekends away? holidays? i am not looking for a fwb i can see how it would work in that way but i would like a relationship. so has anyone been in this exact situation and actually managed to find a partner this way? is it possible?

Look OP, many MNers think you should wait about 20 years before introducing a new man to your kids. In your case you'd need to move a lot quicker given your constraints.

This. I don't understand why people get so angry about the idea of introducing a man to your children within the first five years or so.

I introduced my partner as a friend only. I never left my children alone with him and there was never any PDA. He only stayed over once they were fast asleep and left before they got up.

But he's now their full time Dad and they adore him.

Obviously it’s not really possible for another couple of years given your extremely constrained circumstances. Common sense should tell you that.

Not sure what magical solution you want people to come up with? Get yourself a little side hustle so you can afford to date?

Get blokes round when the kids are in bed.

I'm guessing you've never been in this position?!
How nice it must be in such a privileged position.

And for the record, I'm a single mum, running my own business, living in a nice house/nice area and have an amazing week adjusted daughter. She probably has more stability than many 2 parent families

"Get blokes round"😳

Jesus! 🤦‍♀️

Someone that works night shifts? More likely to work longer shifts so have more days off, you can have dates when they finish work or their days off. I worked nights for quite a while and had a lot of morning dates.

So harsh and unnecessary, OP is clearly focused on her children - she has them solo 100% of the time, with zero outside help. God knows i couldn't cope. And nowhere does it suggest their life isn't stable. Get off your judgemental high horse.

OP - it will be hard, I have a single friend in your position and she finds it exhausting to even think about dating. But if you are keen and you want to make a go of it then I'm sure it's possible. I think try and meet people online and if you really hit it off with someone it might be worth just splashing on a babysitter even as a once a month thing, and you can work other dates around your free time. It will OBVIOUSLY not be simple, but worth pursuing if it's really something you want.

In that situation I would try friends as your babysitters or team up with another friend solo parent looking to date so you could take turns/ holidays/ sleepovers for kids. Maybe a hobby you could take kids too but likely to meet others. Then at least it's nothing wasted as you've spent lovely family time too. Admittedly that one would be a slow burn and a very organic way of meeting someone which seems less likely these days.

It's a tough situation which will require a bit of creativity and flexibility to give it a shot.If you've not yet been on the dating apps perhaps have a look and see if it's worth your energy and time. I must say some of the men on them are enough to put me off bothering at all.

You're completely valid in getting frustrated in these people that seem to think its easy though.

Very difficult. Finding a decent man when you are single with no kids or restrictions is hard enough.

Nah, forget it.
Well done for being grounded and dismissing those fantasists. Logistics are crucial to have a proper relationship. Your current situation does not allow for it so you should focus in your children.

thank you, this is the kind of judgement i hate, obviously assumed my kids were babies or toddlers and i was planning on having a new man after 5 minutes, my youngest is 8 and i’ve been single since i found out i was pregnant with her so nearly a decade, their father doesn’t pay maintenance hence money being tight but to judge me for wanting a partner after nearly a decade alone 🤦🏻‍♀️ obviously hasn’t been in that situation themselves like you said, they would have no idea how lonely it is to spend a decade on your own and now i would like something for ME.

It is hard. I started dating a few months ago and now I'm a relationship. I'm a lone parent my DD is 11. My partner works away Monday - Friday and has his daughters every other weekend so we plan our time the weekends he is free and my mum or sister watch my DD. However now she's moaning about it and said I put him first etc I don't care about her. So we had a fall out tonight about it. I see him twice a month. I do everything for her and spend all my time with her, financially responsible for her, take her to her hobbies, shopping with her friends etc, help her with home work, I basically wipe her ass so for her to say some of the comments were hurtful. She told me she won't be staying out anywhere so I need to dump my partner 🙄 xxx

oh i should include i do have my mum but she wouldn’t watch my children

aw that sounds tough 😔

I dont think it is possible, you have children who you dont have time away from. How could you possibly fit in dating? Your only option is to be completely irresponsible and move fast with the children meeting a man you haven't even met yet.

I did. Primary aged children and 1 in high school.

We had lunch dates for a long time.

Now happily married and kids love him.

oh that’s lovely to hear, it’s nice to know it can be done!

Very fortunate that though wouldn’t you say? Most men are not going to accept that.

No it’s not possible, no child care or funds for childcare outside of school hours = no free time to date. I had to wait until mine could be left alone in the evening

but to judge me for wanting a partner after nearly a decade alone 🤦🏻‍♀️

Nobody was actually judging you for wanting a partner after a decade though?

They mistakenly assumed that you were looking for one a lot earlier along the track, which isn't that hard of a mistake to make given that you said you have

• very limited time
• not earning enough to afford babysitters
• no family help
• no community support/friends to help out
• can't leave the kids alone for any period
• don't know any teenagers

If it's been years since your separation it's not odd to think you might have built up some systems for giving yourself some free time.

and that’s not always possible! maybe if you only have one child? telling me my kids don’t have stability IS judging.

and that’s not always possible! maybe if you only have one child? telling me my kids don’t have stability IS judging.

@SprinklesSparkles
Again. You are taking offense at something that wasn't said.

If you had been shortly out of a relationship and looking to get into dating (as many posts like yours are) then that poster's comment was entirely fair and appropriate.

Obviously they made a wrong assumption about the timeline but you seem to be taking it as an attack on your life now, rather than under the circumstances that poster was assuming.

and i’m not the only poster that felt it was rude, now move along as you have nothing of value to add.

Happy to do so as you have made excuses for why pretty much every piece of advice you have received couldn't possibly work for you.

Make more friends, make more money or make more effort to find someone who can date during school hours. Those are the realistic answers to your problem.