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Original poster

He contacted me then ghosted me

31 replies

ThatCosyKoala · 12/11/2024 09:35

Hello, Im here asking for an advice of what to think of this person as I am left really confused.

I was in a relationship with someone for 4 years. We have 1 child together who is nearly 7. He left with no explanation when our child was 2. He never answered calls or texts.

I found out he had another baby on the way and I accepted the relationship was over. I was really hurt he didn’t want to see our child anymore but I stopped texting and calling.

It’s been 4 years since then and last week I had a text message saying the following:
’I saw you the other day I hope you are ok, how is (inserts child's name)’

I didn’t recognise the number and replied with:
’ hello, I haven’t got your number who is this’

I never got a reply.

Same day I went on my whatsapp on my lunch break and saw missed calls from my ex’s number so I realised the messages from the other number are from him. I messaged him on iMessage but my messages were not delivered I thought I was blocked so I messaged on whastapp instead.

my messages were delivered after 5 hours or so, he read and never replied. My messages on whatsapp were: ‘ hello I saw you called me and I’ve only just seen it’

it’s been a week since this interaction but I feel so stupid for replying. what was going through this person mind to contact me and to ignore me again. I’ve been feeling so low this past week and I was doing so well before that. I thought he wanted to see his child I guess I’m being delusional. Was there something wrong with my reply?

OP posts:
smallsilvercloud · 12/11/2024 09:46

Sorry to read this, I can't see it's anything wrong with your message, you attempted to reach out and give him a chance.
I expect he has some guilt and regret over what he has done but is too chicken to actually speak to you. Not sure he deserves you time tbh.

Opentooffers · 12/11/2024 09:53

He's as shifty as ever given that he's contacting via different numbers and taking his app access on and off intermittently, or switching his phone on and off. Looks like all is not rosey with his current partner so he's seeking out other possibilities and hiding it.
His communication was neutral, just putting the feelers out. Your reply was equally neutral, so no harm done.
I suspect he's a highly selfish and self-absorbed twunt, so it will be about how his life is going and nothing about any benefit to you or your DC. Just ignore for now. Block him off whattsapp if you want to move on.

Original poster
ThatCosyKoala · 12/11/2024 09:55

smallsilvercloud · 12/11/2024 09:46

Sorry to read this, I can't see it's anything wrong with your message, you attempted to reach out and give him a chance.
I expect he has some guilt and regret over what he has done but is too chicken to actually speak to you. Not sure he deserves you time tbh.

Thank you for your reply. I also think it’s guilt over how he treated me and also maybe he regrets reaching out as he probably has no intentions to see his child. I just wish he didn’t but I feel stronger than before and I believe I can overcome this too I’ve only not blocked him because we have a child together that’s why its difficult to just block him I wish I could do it.

OP posts:
RevelryMum · 12/11/2024 09:56

God why would you respond , as someone who had an absent father who returned I can tell you I was much happier without him . My mum was and still is everything to me and your child is better off I would say without their biological father if he could just up and leave them without a second thought. I definitely wouldnt be opening any communication with them personally

Opentooffers · 12/11/2024 09:56

Also, maybe he has 4 year relationship cycles - yours lasted 4 years, it's 4 years since you split, so 4 years with the next one and he's about done.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 12/11/2024 09:57

I think your "who is this" hurt his ego and that's why he blocked you.

Probably did see you, assumed your entire life has been worshiping a shrine to him in your bedroom and praying for the day he came back and he thought you'd weep with joy and jump on his cock so when you didn't even know it was him, he went away to sulk.

JadedVeryJaded · 12/11/2024 09:59

He sounds really really cruel. I’m sorry you’ve had these experiences. He’s not worth a second of your or your child’s time.

Original poster
ThatCosyKoala · 12/11/2024 10:13

Opentooffers · 12/11/2024 09:53

He's as shifty as ever given that he's contacting via different numbers and taking his app access on and off intermittently, or switching his phone on and off. Looks like all is not rosey with his current partner so he's seeking out other possibilities and hiding it.
His communication was neutral, just putting the feelers out. Your reply was equally neutral, so no harm done.
I suspect he's a highly selfish and self-absorbed twunt, so it will be about how his life is going and nothing about any benefit to you or your DC. Just ignore for now. Block him off whattsapp if you want to move on.

I think you got it spot on when you said “ I suspect he's a highly selfish and self-absorbed twunt, so it will be about how his life is going and nothing about any benefit to you or your DC“

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatCosyKoala · 12/11/2024 10:15

RevelryMum · 12/11/2024 09:56

God why would you respond , as someone who had an absent father who returned I can tell you I was much happier without him . My mum was and still is everything to me and your child is better off I would say without their biological father if he could just up and leave them without a second thought. I definitely wouldnt be opening any communication with them personally

Sorry I am protecting my child. my child doesn’t know why he left or that he has contacted me. My child doesn’t remember him at all but does asks about him sometimes. I’ve left the door open as I believe if I close it later he will say I didn’t let him see his child. This is something he would say 100%

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatCosyKoala · 12/11/2024 10:19

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 12/11/2024 09:57

I think your "who is this" hurt his ego and that's why he blocked you.

Probably did see you, assumed your entire life has been worshiping a shrine to him in your bedroom and praying for the day he came back and he thought you'd weep with joy and jump on his cock so when you didn't even know it was him, he went away to sulk.

Edited

Yes I thought he didn’t like my reply. oh he would have loved if I jumped from joy from his message to be hoeing my first reaction to seeing the missed calls was irritation because it just a little too late and I don’t see myself repairing that bridge. Also if he wanted to see his child he wouldn’t have ignored me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatCosyKoala · 12/11/2024 10:20

JadedVeryJaded · 12/11/2024 09:59

He sounds really really cruel. I’m sorry you’ve had these experiences. He’s not worth a second of your or your child’s time.

Thank you for your reply, he is cruel. To think as we get older we should change and be more empathetic but no some of us are cruel to the bone and to the end.

OP posts:
Grassgreenblue · 12/11/2024 10:50

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 12/11/2024 09:57

I think your "who is this" hurt his ego and that's why he blocked you.

Probably did see you, assumed your entire life has been worshiping a shrine to him in your bedroom and praying for the day he came back and he thought you'd weep with joy and jump on his cock so when you didn't even know it was him, he went away to sulk.

Edited

This

Plus I see you've met my ex

He did something similar,under the 'i want to see our child and your not going to stop me' routine and when I wasn't interested he ran off and sulked

He wasn't bothered about our child-i was meant to have kept a pair of his pants under my pillow and cry every night over losing him until he decided he fancied another easy shag-to which I was meant to be all happy,smiley and desperate for him

His ego is the size of a planet-as if I'd want to go near his tiny,cheesy dick ever again!

I made that mistake the first time round-i wasn't going back for another round!

SprinklesSparkles · 12/11/2024 23:40

different opinion; he obviously knew you was jumping for joy to hear from him as you messaged him 3 times on different platforms, that’s not the behaviour of someone who isn’t bothered, my opinion was for him it was “in the moment” he contacted you in the moment but the time has passed and he has moved on again.

grinandslothit · 13/11/2024 04:59

Block this horrible man

Original poster
ThatCosyKoala · 13/11/2024 06:05

SprinklesSparkles · 12/11/2024 23:40

different opinion; he obviously knew you was jumping for joy to hear from him as you messaged him 3 times on different platforms, that’s not the behaviour of someone who isn’t bothered, my opinion was for him it was “in the moment” he contacted you in the moment but the time has passed and he has moved on again.

Hi I was not jumping for joy and after no reply I put all my settings to private yesterday and after 5mins he was calling me but I didnt answer

OP posts:
Christl78 · 13/11/2024 06:14

What kind of man leaves his 2 year old child and never contacts again? I think don’t let this man into your kid’s life as he will walk away again and your child will be deeply hurt. What a horrible excuse of a man.

Pinkbonbon · 13/11/2024 06:15

Hopefully he'll stay gone. Who cares if he says you're 'keeping him from his child'. Any decent parent would be! He fucked off when the kid was two, he should never get to just waltz back in.

Has he even paid child support?

I bet he was messaging because he has a new partner who is judging him for not seeing his child.

Or as pp said, for the ego boost. Wanting to think your world still revolves around him.

Pinkbonbon · 13/11/2024 06:17

And if he tries to come back

'I'm so glad you've got in touch. You owe 5 years of child support. Where shall i send the bill?'.

You'll hopefully never see him for dust again.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 13/11/2024 06:46

Your responses are completely normal and that of a well balanced human. He's just a twat tbh. Thank your lucky starts you don't have to speak to him and he's taken himself out of your and your dds life.

Original poster
ThatCosyKoala · 13/11/2024 06:46

Pinkbonbon · 13/11/2024 06:15

Hopefully he'll stay gone. Who cares if he says you're 'keeping him from his child'. Any decent parent would be! He fucked off when the kid was two, he should never get to just waltz back in.

Has he even paid child support?

I bet he was messaging because he has a new partner who is judging him for not seeing his child.

Or as pp said, for the ego boost. Wanting to think your world still revolves around him.

No he has never paid child support, his new partner hates me and stalked me on social media, Well I’m not sure she hates me or is insecure because they were sleeping together when I was pregnant and she became his partner after that

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatCosyKoala · 13/11/2024 06:48

Pinkbonbon · 13/11/2024 06:17

And if he tries to come back

'I'm so glad you've got in touch. You owe 5 years of child support. Where shall i send the bill?'.

You'll hopefully never see him for dust again.

hahahhaa yes I will never see any money from him that's for sure but it’s funny I changed my settings to be visible for my contacts only and he called me within 5-10mins. Which means he was stalking my last seen if he really wanted to see his child this wouldnt be the way to approach things he just wants to wind me up.

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 13/11/2024 06:50

Very selfish man

i would think he is bored and know the impact the message will do to you.

id tell him to never message you again.. and that he is pathetic.

Newnamehiwhodis · 13/11/2024 06:51

I am so glad you said “who is this” .. that is what his inflated, selfish ego deserves.

Sassybooklover · 13/11/2024 07:04

Perhaps he did see you and your child out, and it created enough curiosity in him to contact you. On the other hand, being far more cynical, it's more likely all is not well within his relationship and he used the scenario of 'seeing you out', as an excuse to see how the land lays!!! Your reaction of 'who's this' was probably not a reaction he was expecting!! The moment has either passed or your reaction has put him off. If he genuinely wanted to see your child, he would have repeatedly contacted you and not disappeared again. Honestly, no harm done in the grand scheme of things. Your responses were neutral. Hopefully, he'll stay away, but I wouldn't give him a second thought.

SprinklesSparkles · 13/11/2024 08:40

Sorry I didn’t mean literally jumping for joy was just using pps words but if you are honest with yourself you was happy to hear from him? You messaged him 3 times that’s very eager