Husband calling son useless

[CakeCakePlease]

I am leaving my husband anyway but I’m seeking advice on some of the things he says/does to our children. Earlier today I asked our oldest to check on our youngest. Oldest went to check and accidentally hit his elbow on the door frame. He sat down rubbing his arm and husband started shouting at him to go and check on youngest. He didn’t give him a chance to take a moment as he had hurt himself then when DS refused DH stormed out of the room shouting “you are the most useless child on earth”

I was on the phone on hold at the time and oldest looked at me saying how mean Daddy is.

Am I overreacting? I am not comfortable with him calling DS useless.

Youngest then came out of the shower and DH danced around joking that he was drying DS off and proceeded to repeatedly fart on him! 🤢

I have told him not to call our son useless but he then calls me a pushover and that I let our oldest walk all over me. That DS could literally murder someone and I wouldn’t say anything (!)

Seeking advice please. Thanks.

My advice is to leave which you are doing, he's obviously a prick. Just keep reassuring your children that they're fantastic.

He also tells them to “shut up” repeatedly and when they are in the way shouts “MOVE” to them instead of “excuse me”

Ages are irrelevant. He sounds like a nasty piece of work. The children will be better away from this unpleasant atmosphere from the sound of it. Good luck, OP.

Teen and primary aged child.

I’m glad you are leaving him he sounds a horrible man.

It sounds like he really doesn't like his sons. He will wreck their self-esteem. The farting thing is weird. Hope you can leave soon.

It is time your husband lived somewhere else. All well and good you're "leaving him" but he is still there and still causing damage to your children. At the best least I hope you pull him up on it every single time in front of your kids.

I have found out this month that my son thought I protected h over believing him five years ago and I am heartbroken. My son knows now it was school at fault not me, and we are very close and all my children know they come first, but it is important your children know you value them and will always protect them.

I doubt myself, sometimes I wish there were others around to hear the things he says. Our youngest is autistic and walks around the house vocally stimming “shut up! shut up!” He can be so rude to them. If I correct him he says I’m being a doormat and I believe the sun shines out of their (behinds)

That’s really not okay OP. Children’s brains are like sponges, your son could internalise this as part of his formative development. It is always unacceptable for a parent to call their child useless.

This man sounds like he has no respect. Is he one of those Neanderthals that doesn’t consider children to be people? Or he’s just vile to everyone?

I don’t even know you and I know you can do better. You don’t want your children to emulate this.

The farting thing is nuts. He sounds gross.

Glad you're leaving him. Hope he doesn't get too much time with the kids.

It’s such a shame as I try and foster independence in our teen and encourage him to have more responsibility and H has the attitude that there’s no way DS could do that, he’s utterly useless and he would F it up etc. Says this to DS and I’m always having to undo the damage.

The thing that worries me is that I won’t be around to witness the things he says when we share custody.

It is your job as a mother to think the son shines out of your children, while also teaching them how to behave, to grow, to love and respect those that have earned it and to be all round decent human beings. Your husband hasn't achieved any of that.

I’m glad I’m not alone in believing that the things he says are not okay.

Don't fret. He won't have the kids for long then not at all but you have to stop this now. It's causing damage that could be irreparable.

You absolutely aren’t. You are doing the best thing by leaving.

Our teen is unfortunately beginning to copy his Dad’s rude behaviour. Says MOVE instead of excuse me among other things. Says SHUT UP to me repeatedly. Hard to know what is grumpy/rude teen behaviour and what is copied off his Dad.

I’m sure having you as a role model will be a mitigating factor. It is really difficult and I think you will see things a lot more clearly when you are away from him.

Thank you all for your reassurance that I’m doing the right thing in leaving him.

Another comment from him today - (I really hope this doesn’t offend anyone) - we were driving into our estate and he was talking about the kids in our street playing in the road, one in particular that has lost his hair due to leukaemia and DH said how that “little slap head” needs to get out of the road. I honestly constantly doubt myself at the things he says, that left a very bad taste in my mouth 😔 DH calls me a snowflake.

Can you not get him to leave? Have you sought legal advice? Given his utterly disgusting behaviour the chances of him getting equal custody are utterly delusional.

Id be trying for a non molestation order on account of his behaviour towards the children.

DH sees correcting the kids as shouting at them, telling them to shut up, calling them stupid boy/stupid child. Instead of just saying your behaviour is not acceptable and giving them consequences like turning off the Wi-Fi etc. I can’t get through to him that you don’t need to shout or tell them to shut up to be firm and assertive as a parent.

Obviously he's copying his dad. It is in no way okay, normal or acceptable teen behaviour for them to say move to anyone. Have they not been taught manners to offset their dickhead father's actions? Any teen saying move is rude.

Hurry up and leave asap, that's all I can say.