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Original poster

How to stop being opinionated about partner’s children

55 replies

toobusybee123 · 08/11/2024 22:57

Hi all,

I’m struggling at the moment with my partner. I don’t have children, he has three.

We’ve been together for a number of years but lately I’m having trouble with having a lot of negative feeling / opinions towards the way he chooses to parent.

I fully recognise that I have no right in any of this, and that I don’t understand what having children is like.

I suppose I’m just trying to ask for some advice about how to manage my negative emotions, and how to accept that it isn’t my role to challenge him in this area.

PS before anyone goes in on me for questioning someone else’s parenting when I’m not a parent myself - I absolutely recognise that this is not okay and it’s what I’m trying to work on, so please be kind - I’m struggling with feeling like a bad person over this xx 🙂

OP posts:
Original poster
toobusybee123 · 09/11/2024 13:43

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/11/2024 13:41

Driving is also the time that a lot of children talk. Something about the parent being mildly distracted and sitting beside no eye-contact means it's a low-demand place to talk. Mine always does!

Yes a bit like walking side by side, seems to be less intense which means people feel they can talk more! :)

OP posts:
Original poster
toobusybee123 · 09/11/2024 13:46

YellowRoom · 09/11/2024 13:01

It feels like your DP is failing to have age appropriate relationships with his DC. The one going to university is nearly an adult - but he is unwilling to set a few boundaries and encourage her to get the bus in case her mum objects. He's not supporting his DC gain independence which is his job as a parent.

Also, as an example, my DC's dad feeds them junk food and pop - this doesn't mean i have to. They are clear that things may be different at his house then ours.

Edited

Sorry I somehow missed your post

I agree that it's okay to have different boundaries at each house (obviously easier if both parents are doing the same thing but not particularly realistic, and sometimes one parent's approach is more beneficial, like in your case with not giving them junk food)

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 09/11/2024 14:03

By the sound of it he's a wet wipe and you're jealous of his ex. I'm not sure its about how he parents his children at all.

Original poster
toobusybee123 · 09/11/2024 14:06

RedHelenB · 09/11/2024 14:03

By the sound of it he's a wet wipe and you're jealous of his ex. I'm not sure its about how he parents his children at all.

No it is a lot more to do with the him/his ex dynamic than the children, I do agree (and have been helped to realise this through the thread)

I don't think he's a wet wipe but you're entitled to your opinion

OP posts:
Bibi12 · 11/11/2024 03:58

sunflowersngunpowdr · 09/11/2024 13:02

She doesn't control him. He still takes her in to consideration because she is the mother of his children. She doesn't control his actions anymore than you do, especially with older children. He is absolutely right to keep a good relationship with her. They will share grandchildren, have weddings christenings etc to attend in the future. No offence but you guys don't share children and you don't even live together (ie have joint finances). Statistically speaking there's a good chance you won't even be together in 10 years. I understand why that would make anyone feel insecure but don't blame the kids - you chose him.

Show quote history

What a bizarre comment. He doesn't have a relationship with his ex. They won't be attending weddings together neither will they enjoy time with grandchildren together. They are divorced.
Yes, they need to keep communication and have consideration for each other due to children but that shouldn't require that level of unhealthy enmeshment.

Saying to OP that she doesn't matter because they don't live together or might not be together in 10 years. Well , there is no one else he's more likely to be with in 10 years is there? He definitely wont be with his ex and finding someone he gets on with and falls in love with doesn't happen every day either. Ask people who struggle to even meet a right person if it's something that should be taken for granted.

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