Ex drama im happily married

[Poopsiepop]

20 years ago met older guy , he was rich , and couldnt control himself , girls , parties etc . When i met him i didnt know he was already in a serious relationship already . We broke up but he kind of dumped me i think .

it was very roller coaster highs and lows , and he broke my heart .it was deep and i thought he was the one

it took a lot to sort myself out i was a mess after that . In good place now great job kids and amazing husband

15 years after it ended i called him - mainly for closure and to tell him how much it had hurt me and how unnecessary it had been

He told me that he fucked up and now all he wants is me , he loved me and missed me and his life is empty and im the only one he wants

he wants me to leave my husband he wants to marry me , i have three children and my husband is incredible

this guy was my first love . In the last 15 years i never did forget him and im slowly trying to sort out my feelings

my husband knows about the history and knows we have been in touch again

am i right to think this is just a connection i need to disconnect ?!

He is a player

hes playing you and as soon as you leave your she this person will drop you like a hot potato

Your marriage can't be that happy if you're digging up old boyfriends after 15 years. Act like an adult, don't contact him again and work on your marriage.

This

He's a selfish old man reaping what he sowed.

You foolishly reached out and he grabbed on tight.
You could be any vagina that he has a history with.
He needs a carer.

Get a grip and wake up.
You are at risk of fxxking up yours and your familys life.
Are you seriously thinking of blowingbup your childrens life for an old selfish player?

Shame if you are.
Delete his number, block him on everything and give that head of yours a wobble.

Apologies if that is harsh, but you need to wake up to the peril you are putting your family in.

Absolutely insane to contact someone after 15 years.

Pull yourself together.

Omg, you sound like a friend I had to distance myself from because despite having a lovely husband, a gorgeous DC, lovely house and decent jobs, every time we met up she would bombard me with updates about her ex who had promised her the world then dumped her for a model, leaving her with a load of debt! She was completely obsessed, whether it was loving him or hating him, it was always all about him.
8 years after their breakup, I had to step away for my own mental health!

youre playing with fire. Ridking your happy home and family for “what could gave been”. Pull yourself together and block on all platforms. For goodness sake woman 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Exactly. He could even get excited with the challenge of getting you back by breaking your family. OP, focus on your family. Stop idealizing your first love (something that everybody has to do sooner or later).

OP you’ve caused the drama. If this is genuine, take the ego boost and block your ex. He sounds like a wierdo, he can’t be that desperate to marry you if he hasn’t been in touch in 15 years!

He's enjoying playing with you.

Be very careful.

What an idiot. Why on earth contact him after fifteen years. Your husband and children deserve better.

Bullshit, you didn't want closure, in fact you wanted the opposite - you wanted to open up the whole rollercoaster / the one who got away saga again.

Despite your "amazing" husband etc, I suspect a little domestic boredom has set in and you longed for a little of the old passion and excitement.

I bet a million pounds if you ditch the husband and turn up at the ex's door with 3 kids in tow, he will soon backtrack - he will become 'confused', 'overwhelmed' and, no doubt 'need time' to figure out what he wants.

Imagine if your husband contacted an old girlfriend ?
You can't be that happy in your marriage or your ex would never have came into your head.

Well you started this nonsense! I suggest you finish it, by blocking and not contacting him again. Like you shouldn’t have in the first place.. FFS

WTF did I just read? What is wrong with you, OP. Your poor husband kids.

There was no need to quote the whole OP!

@Poopsiepop you're saying that you're happily married.

Why, then, did it possess you to contact a horrible old ex? I'm astounded.

Your poor DH!

Closure is one of the most incorrectly used works when it comes to relationships.

Anyone I know who ever wanted "closure" really meant they weren't at a stage of accepting it's over. The just wanted to pick the scab against just to ensure they wouldn't move on.

Time has moved on, and you are probably the only one paying him attention now.
All the others wished the fuck up.

Well passed time for you to do the same. Very disrespectful to your husband.

He's enjoying the ego boost, all the promises he's making are purely to see if he can reel you back in then you'll be dropped yet again. Total headfuck.

Believe me love, drama is overrated.

Oh my God. Surely you can't really be this stupid?

It’s not even a ‘connection that needs to be broken’ - it’s a literal neural pathway in your brain, forged by a roller coaster relationship at an emotionally vulnerable time of life.

Our brain’s are plastic and they focus energy where we put it. I would strongly advocated that tell yourself some formulation of ‘this isn’t great romance, this is unhelpful neurochemistry and I really don’t want it to f* up my lovely life’ when you think about him - and then intentionally make a gratitude list for all the things that you’re so happy about in your life. Otherwise try and avoid thinking about him at all. This will help rewire you + switch off the swirling ‘what ifs’

He didn’t chose you when you needed him / wanted him to choose you. He hasn’t done you the courtesy of growing with you, making choices with you and living the hard parts of life with you. He has maybe some charisma? But he’s asking you to feed his ego. He’s a loser (Who’s presumably getting on a bit now) Don’t get sucked in because he’s saying all the things he needs to persuade you to feed his ego.

You met a fuckboy 20 years ago. Knew he was a fuckboy and then he treated you the way he treats all the women. He was who he said he was and you call him 15 years later and now he is a geriatric fuckboy. He was rich, older guy who liked to fuck young women. What is theis closure you're talking about?

’Closure’ is a funny old thing. I’ve never wanted closure after a relationship ended. Shall I contact that guy I thought I was madly in love with twenty years ago because he unceremoniously dumped me a on a night out? No!

Closure to me is moving on. Not caring that he hasn’t rang, declared his love. It’s meeting someone new and realising that the past is the past. Why in the world would you need to inform someone that they were so important in your life that you need ‘closure’ before you move on? It’s the strangest thing ever. Don’t get it.