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Original poster

My Fiance doesn't want to a baby with me but tried for a baby with a stranger on a break

26 replies

Stef246 · 08/11/2024 01:53

Me and my fiance have been together 4.5 years. Last year was very much on and off due to me losing my mum and our baby, the grief consumed me and he just didn't understand. Jan 2024 we called it quits but got back together early may.
I knew he was dating someone while we were apart however swore to me nothing more than a kiss happened. Fast forward to October, wedding planned, deposit paid and I find out not only did he have sex with her, bit they tried for a baby after 2 months of knowing eachother. He claims he was just trying to move on from me and wasn't in his right mind.
Now he's claiming he's not ready for a baby, despite how much I want it and fact we are getting married next August. Can't help but wonder if he just doesn't want a baby with me....after our loss last year he knows how much I want and need this.
I don't know what to do. I'm angry he lied about sleeping with her 2, as it was unprotected I've know got to go get tested also.

OP posts:
AutumnLeaves24 · 08/11/2024 02:02

sorry to hear about you mum & baby 🤗

Why are you wasting you life with this twat? When he should have been there for you, he wasn't. He was off fucking someone else, trying to get her pregnant after 5 minutes together.

he wasn't breaking his heart, trying to get over you...

stop believing the utter tripe coming out his mouth, he's full of 💩

Move on.

Dont get pregnant to this twat, you'll rue the day you tied yourself to him for at least 20 years and are forced to co parent with him.

you're grieving, both you mum & your baby, you're clearly not thinking straight.

you deserve much more!

ShouldIEvenBother · 08/11/2024 02:05

Do not marry this man.

He is not a good choice.

Read back what you have written. Imagine it was someone else that had written your post - what would you tell them?

From start to finish, there is so much wrong with what you describe.

I am sorry for your loss OP, and you deserve someone who will love and support you when times get difficult. He isn't the one, is he 💐

Pinkbonbon · 08/11/2024 02:10

Honey in the nicest possible way,of course he doesn't want a baby with you.

But considering he hasn't even walked you down the Isle yet, I think you're being remis for even considering one anyway. He hardly seems to be the most reliable of characters. Even if he did want a baby I'd be waiting till he'd stepped up to the plate marriage wise. And to see its a healthy one...at least two years in.

That being said, you're clearly not in a place for babies right now either. You're not over your prior loss. Another baby won't fix it. He would be a fool to have kids with you until you've had therapy to process things.

I'd be rethinking this relationship though. Why would you take someone back who put you at risk of stds? He's gross.

Butteredcrumpeteater · 08/11/2024 02:10

Walk away and forget him.

ForAmberGoose · 08/11/2024 02:18

You're relationship is on shakes ground, you shouldn't even be thinking of getting married right now.

And this isn't the time to bring a child into the situation. Take a step back and take some time to process your loss for your own sake.

He's not the one

Justsayit123 · 08/11/2024 02:31

Walk away for good.

SomeSuperhero · 08/11/2024 02:37

Sorry about your loss.

Walk away. This is not about him, it's about why you think he deserves you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/11/2024 02:46

He wasn't there in the hard times. Anyone can be there in the easy times.

Find a solid man.

marcopront · 08/11/2024 02:50

Do you really want to be with a man who can't cope with you grieving when your mum dies?

PaminaMozart · 08/11/2024 02:52

Ask yourself:

Do you really, truly, definitely want to spend the rest of your life - the entire time you have on this earth!! - with this man?

40, 50, 60 years??

Are you absolutely, totally sure?

(No, I thought not...)

Muthaofcats · 08/11/2024 02:53

At the hardest times in your life he didn’t understand and walked away?
Having a baby makes you very vulnerable and you need to be with someone who will be up for weathering any storm; post partum depression? Birth complications ? Disabilities ? Health issues ? Financial vulnerability due to the impact of having kids on your career ?
Christ, even if you’re blessed with an ok time and a chilled baby, raising kids is hard, even with the love of your life. It really tests you and your relationship. You need to know that your co parent isn’t going to shy away from this.
If you go ahead with this I would prepare yourself for life as a single parent (and what that means for your child too).

Guavafish1 · 08/11/2024 02:57

please don’t marry this man. He is a liar and failed to support you in your grief.

there might be a lose of deposit now…. But divorce is expensive and mentally tough.

You know what to do…..clean break

adorablecat · 08/11/2024 03:00

Muthaofcats · 08/11/2024 02:53

At the hardest times in your life he didn’t understand and walked away?
Having a baby makes you very vulnerable and you need to be with someone who will be up for weathering any storm; post partum depression? Birth complications ? Disabilities ? Health issues ? Financial vulnerability due to the impact of having kids on your career ?
Christ, even if you’re blessed with an ok time and a chilled baby, raising kids is hard, even with the love of your life. It really tests you and your relationship. You need to know that your co parent isn’t going to shy away from this.
If you go ahead with this I would prepare yourself for life as a single parent (and what that means for your child too).

Being a good parent starts with choosing the other parent very carefully. Don't settle for someone who dosen't want a baby, dosen't want one with you and dosen't really want you-or has a very odd way of showing it.

AGoingConcern · 08/11/2024 03:03

The person who you choose to marry (as well as the person who you choose to have children with) absolutely needs to be a person who walks alongside you during hard times, lending strength when yours is running low, and sharing in both your pain and your hopes for the future.

Please do some honest reflecting over whether this man is that person for you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/11/2024 03:08

He doesn’t sound to be the supportive and caring person you need. It is very difficult to co parent with someone like this.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/11/2024 03:14

Posted so soon. To add to that. You are both on a different page. You really want children, he doesn’t or doesn’t know. The risk is he will either reluctantly agree to have kids and potentially be a disengaged father or he may run your fertility down until you are too old to have children.

Not everyone is good at supporting their partner in bad times. After everything that’s happened you need someone, who will be there for you. Until now you’ve dealt with your losses this alone and it’s hard. Don’t get caught up in the sunk cost fallacy. Know your worth. Flowers

Carrotsandgrapes · 08/11/2024 03:28

At the first real sign of difficulty, instead of supporting you, he left you, hooked up with someone else, and lied about it.

Even if you don't think you deserve a better husband than him, surely you think your future children deserve a better dad than him?

Mumof2namechange · 08/11/2024 04:02

Why has he told you this implausible story?

I wonder if he accidentally got a woman pregnant and he's preparing you for the news by saying he was "trying" for a baby while on the break.

No man "tries" for a baby with a woman he's just met. I mean, I think that's a euphemism for "i accidentally got a woman pregnant"

Definitely don't marry him at least until you know exactly what happened. Can you contact the woman?

Mumof2namechange · 08/11/2024 04:03

Ps I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. There are other men out there you could try for a family with.

Ihadenough22 · 08/11/2024 04:21

He sounds and acts like an immature twat. I know several woman who had signs or were told not to marry a boyfriend due x,y,z. They went ahead and had their big day. Within a few years they were in a bad marriage with a child or two. You deserve to be with someone who thinks your amazing and wants the same things in life. They can step up and support you when your going through a really bad time. Marriage is more than just a wedding day and it requires 2 people who have the ability to act lik adults

Ihadenough22 · 08/11/2024 04:21

He sounds and acts like an immature twat. I know several woman who had signs or were told not to marry a boyfriend due x,y,z. They went ahead and had their big day. Within a few years they were in a bad marriage with a child or two. You deserve to be with someone who thinks your amazing and wants the same things in life. They can step up and support you when your going through a really bad time. Marriage is more than just a wedding day and it requires 2 people who have the ability to act lik adults

Edingril · 08/11/2024 04:28

Where is your self respect? Why on earth are you still with him?

Mrssmith3 · 08/11/2024 06:20

2 months and tried for a baby. But wasn’t there for you when you lost your mum and baby. Look at his actions. But now doesn’t want to try for a baby. This guy needs therapy. None of it makes sense. There are a lot of people in this world op choose carefully. I learnt much later than I should have that the ones you feel safe and heard with are better than familiar.

LifeD1lemma · 08/11/2024 06:26

AutumnLeaves24 · 08/11/2024 02:02

sorry to hear about you mum & baby 🤗

Why are you wasting you life with this twat? When he should have been there for you, he wasn't. He was off fucking someone else, trying to get her pregnant after 5 minutes together.

he wasn't breaking his heart, trying to get over you...

stop believing the utter tripe coming out his mouth, he's full of 💩

Move on.

Dont get pregnant to this twat, you'll rue the day you tied yourself to him for at least 20 years and are forced to co parent with him.

you're grieving, both you mum & your baby, you're clearly not thinking straight.

you deserve much more!

Absolutely this.

Also agree with pp - weird that he told you he “tried” for a baby - how did that come out? Sounds likely he actually got her pregnant accidentally and will choose to reveal this later.

TwistedWonder · 08/11/2024 06:40

So while you were grieving and in need of love and support, he was out the door and shagging someone else after about 5 minutes and lied through his teeth about it?

Please do not marry this man. Hes shown you he can’t support you in your time of need and he’d rather think about getting sex somewhere else.

He's a pathetic immature manchild. As a pp had said, having a baby tests even the strongest relationship. Until that child is born you really have no idea how all consuming they can be. Is this bloke really going to step up?

Cancel your weeding and seriously rethink if this man is your one - I suspect he’s not