Distraught. Trying to remaining in house after split

[springtoon]

I'm in shock just now. Dh has said he's leaving. It's been difficult for a while, but I never expected this. We have a house near to the children's school, and there is no chance I could get a mortgage on my own in this area. I asked him tonight if I could stay in the house with the kids and he rents a place. He said he'd think about it. Rent is also very expensive, but he could afford it on his salary. I think once I’ve sorting out the practicalities, I will be in a position where I can start to deal with the immense emotional pain (not looking forward to that ride).

Per month...
Mortgage: £1400
Bills: £320
Rent (for similar sized property for dh): £2000
Childcare: £500
My salary: £1600
Dh salary: £3200

Desperately trying to work out a way through this, without massive upheaval for the children. A friend of mine recently went through a breakup, and is now able to claim an element of Universal Credit to help with interest payments on her mortgage. Can anyone advise me on this?
Would I be eligible?
Would I need to switch to an interest only mortgage?
Is there a time limit to this or is it indefinite?

My mum is severly ill and I'm staying at hers once a week (2hrs drive away). I barely have the brain capacity to absorb any of this. Please help me see a way out of this.

Are you married?

You need to see a solicitor asap but in the meantime don’t move out.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

Yes, we're married. We haven't even spoke about divorce yet, but that conversation is obviously in the pipeline...

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Looking at those figures, I can’t see you being able to stay in the house or your husband agreeing to it either.

Per month...
Mortgage: £1400
Bills: £320
Rent (for similar sized property for dh): £2000
Childcare: £500
My salary: £1600
Dh salary: £3200

Simply not realistic. With a total income of £4,800 you cannot be spending £3,400 on accommodation for the two of you.

You'll have to dramatically downsize to reduce the mortgage. Each of you and DH can't manage more than a modest 2bed place on that income.

alternatively, could your current house be remodelled into two independent homes?

So sorry you're in this situation

Those figures look unsustainable to me. A smaller value house that is yours outright is probably easier in the long run.

Your husband might (probably not) be happy to pay rent and mortgage and leave elsewhere but not for long as he will want to move his life along

A divorce involves a financial agreement which makes permanent your decision. As above your plan is only short term to me. But early days and probably not something you have to pin down yet.

Divorced myself and a fresh start and owning my own place without his involvement or tie together was what I found most helpful in moving on

Thanks for your replies. Need some perspective.
@Wishthiswasntmypost Downsizing isn't really an option. We only have a small place, it's just in an expensive area. Our whole support network is here, our jobs, school. I just can't imagine changing all of that. Has anyone else been through this? How did the kids cope with so much change in such a short amount or time?

Op I’m sorry, horrible shock and awful timing. Remember - your dp has been planning this for a while- he is many steps ahead of you. Don’t reveal your hand too early. Whenever he tells you something or demands something say “I’m going to need to think that over. I’ll get back to you”

Tell him, if he leaves he should continue paying same share of bills and mortgage as he does today, up until the house is sold.

Moving further away from school is inconvenient but not the end of the world . The kids will adapt if you approach the move positively (fake it). I know that it is very hard logistically, if you are still walking the kids to school or whatever, to find yourself 30 mins away.

Most of all - take care of yourself. Do you have friends and support irl?

Whatever he agrees to now he won't stick to. If it's really over then file for divorce. Discuss finances no more. It's not for him and you to decide beyond proposing something. A judge has to agree and if he or she doesn't, they will tell you both how it will be.

I've looked at this loan:
https://www.gov.uk/support-for-mortgage-interest

Has anyone successfully claimed this?
We have equity in the house so I feel like they would be confident in getting their money back with interest.

I don’t see how those figures can work, sorry. He doesn’t earn a big enough salary to sustain the mortgage plus renting something of that value at all.

I assume you’re not working full time? Could you increase your hours?

What is his suggestion for how this works as he’s the one saying he wants to leave?

Im really sorry OP but you aren't going to manage to stay in the house.

I think if you want the least disruption for your kids probably the most realistic option would be for your husband to buy you out of your share of the house, as of the two of you he's the one more likely to be able to afford this. Then at least the kids can still stay there the nights each week they are with him. Even this will be tough to afford though i think.
Then try and buy a flat with your share of equity and a mortgage.

Is there anything you can do to increase your income? Are you part-time, can you increase hours?

I'm so sorry you've had this happen OP, especially with your Mum being unwell and the stress that must be putting on you.
I don't know about the loans you've mentioned but you could seek advice from Citizens Advice about them perhaps?
I think from your sums, a breakup is not really affordable for either of you.
Even if you sell the house and try to each buy a flat or smaller house in a less expensive area, those sums are very tight - even on your DPs larger income without your contribution too.

I don't know what his temperament is, but this might be something that has reached boiling point and he needs to retreat and calm down and think it through. If the relationship has broken down irreparably then perhaps together you can work out a time frame and look at the practicalities together.
Maybe your DH could take on a short term rental to test the water and give you both some space and time.

I wish you all the very best. X

I'm sorry OP - I've had an equally shit day when it come to the practicality of divorce and taking on mortgages

A judge is not going to sign off on you staying in the home and then your ex living elsewhere - you'd have to prove you can cover the mortgage and you simply can't on an income of £1600 - this is minimum wage? Isbt there anything you can do to get a larger salary?

Even your ex taking on the mortgage ....my experience with my bank today has been that no way would they say he can afford it either when it's nearly 50% of his take home pay?

I can't work out how low your bills are £320 barely covers council tax and gas/electric/water? Let alone food?

Have you run it through entitled to ? You are likely entitled to a bit more then just mortgage interest. Really sorry you're going through this.

Go onto a site called entitledto & get some figures in there. It should tell you what you're entitled to on your own.
Don't leave because your ex should give you some support for the DC's & legally he can't get you out of the house until they're adults. So see what you can do to stay in the house with the DC's

can't get you out of the house until they're adults.

In my experience this isn't true. My solicitor advised Mesher orders are very rare these days especially when children are so young and locks up the only capital assets someone may have. They favour a clean break enabling both parties to move on.
Even under a Mesher the OP would have to demonstrate she can afford the mortgage - which she can't. The court wouldn't force the ex husband to pay the mortgage and his own living costs when he doesn't earn that much either really

Yes he absolutely can get them out before they're adults.

Please don't give the OP false hope. She does not have an absolute legal right to stay in the house just because she has kids. Given she cannot afford the mortgage, even with any maintenance, she won't be able to stay in the house. And there is no way her dh will be able to afford two houses on his salary and no court will force him to continue paying for her housing.

I'm sorry you’re going through this now it must be so tough.

How much equity do you have in the house? How old are your children?

Being realistic it really doesn’t seem you can afford the house, and you don’t want to get into debt trying to cling on to it. If you do want to keep it, your husband living there and buying you out seems like a more realistic option as suggested unthread.

Not necessarily. We currently pay £45 for gas and electricity combined and we’re in a five bed house.

OP, there’s no way you can sustain separate households on those incomes. Moving to a cheaper area might be your only option.

Affordable housing is 1/3 of your income. Which is where you are right now. Once it gets past 1/2 your income it's worrying. You're talking about spending 2/3 of your incomes on housing. Utterly unsustainable.

Of course look at any benefits you might be entitled to. And if it's impossible you could look at 'nesting' where you stay at your mums or you have a small flat and alternate who stays in the larger home with the children. I couldn't do it but some people do.

Probably unrealistic but could you suggest he lives at your mum's and you have your mum living with you?
He could then continue to pay for his side of utility and mortgage and your mum's pension pay for hers, and you get more time with mum and less time on the road.

It’s shit. Your kids will be ok. You probably can’t afford to stay where you are. You will adapt but I’m sorry it’s happened to you xx

Sorry OP, what a nightmare! Could you extend the length of the mortgage to bring the payment down and or switch to interest only?