Did your ex treat the OW the same in the end?

[karmafinallyornot]

If so how did/do you feel about it? Do you think it's karma or do you feel sorry for her in some way?
I've found out today that my exH treated the OW just like he'd treated me and I thought I'd think ha! Serves you right! but I don't.

How do you know so much about your exes marriage?
You sound just like my husband’s ex. She knows nothing about our marriage but spits out this kind of crap too.

And before the vipers attack I wasn’t OW but just treated as though I was.

Hi WillLiveLifeAgain, I know because we move in the same extended friendship circle. So we see them periodically through the year and have done for years.
Sorry my post seems to have provoked such a defensive reaction from you - why take it so personally if it doesnt apply to you?? live long and prosper.

I left him when I found out about her. I assume he would have come clean and left me eventually because they are still together 16 years later. Married, 3 kids and from what I hear perfectly happy together. She was obviously the one for him. At the time I was raging but they are clearly happy and I'm happy with my partner and our children so all worked out well.
Looking back on our marriage we weren't right for each other so even without her we wouldn't have lasted. She just sped the process up a bit.

My sister had a partner, let’s call him Rob.

Rob cheated on my sister and left her with a two year old, for a lady called Sue.

A few years on Sue got pregnant. Rob left her when that baby reached about two, as he’d been having an affair with Ruby.

Ruby got pregnant and had a baby. By the time that baby was two, Rob moved on to a lady called Flo.

Flo and Rob are together now, but it has just transpired that Rob has been having an affair with a lady called Shelly. He was caught by his middle child.

All of the names are made up, but this situation is sadly true. ‘Rob’ will never change.
The thing that surprises me the most is that every new girlfriend has a history of huge red flags there to help them make a decision about whether they’d like to date Rob. Yet they fall for him. It’s not like I can tell you that he’s really handsome either.

So, I believe that eventually, women are treated the same as their predecessor. It might take a little while, but it’s in the personality and that doesn’t change.

yes
he left her after 15 years with two teenage kids
in fact what he did as they had moved abroad was to come back to the uk for a holiday and then tell her he was leaving and went back to his home country

She was left with 0
the house they bought in the uk they had sold and the money moving abroad
they lived abroad for around 10 years but everything was owned by his family business

so when he left her in the uk she had nothing but a suitcase full of clothes

no house
no money
nothing
I think she had to stay with her mum for around a year before she got a council flat - right back where she started many years ago so serves her right

i have no feelings for her as she was seeing him when i was pregnant with my son and i was young
She was a smug bitch and she got everything she deserved

I met my husband and have been happily married for 25 years
He had another kid at I think 52 🥵 with his new ow
so right back in the baby shit while his kids with her and mine are all grown up

none of his kids have anything to do with him
and my son has never met him although he did try to meet him when he was about 12 but my son wasn’t interested

I was young so had the energy to restart and things were a lot easier back then lots more help for single parents but I think she was maybe in her mid 40s so found it a lot harder to restart her life back in the uk

Yes he did. She deserved a lot better. She is a lovely woman and was a wonderful stepmother.

I've not been in the situation myself but have observed different patterns. My BIL's dad left two wives after fairly short marriages, both times when he "fell in love, couldn't help it" with an OW. (BIL is from the second marriage and his only child.) The third lady also left her husband and children. They've been together for about 30 years now, married after many years living together and seem totally devoted to each other. She's very feminine and quite "tradwife" whereas BIL's mum is a very no nonsense woman who doesn't pander to anyone. BIL is surprised the marriage has been a success given his dad's track record but maybe she was just the right kind of person for him. He's quite a vain and selfish man so being served and adored was probably what he wanted.

Then there is my friend whose partner left her for someone else when she was pregnant. He and OW are still together 20 years later, happily married.

Friend married a guy who I would describe as a serial romantic. Falls in and out of love at the drop of a hat. He was engaged before but called it off. Married friend and then had an affair and left her when their children were small. He's since married someone else and apparently is "bored" already. Once the honeymoon phase wears off he just loses interest.

I've no idea, but they didn't stay together very long, despite his declarations of love when he left me for her. I actually hope she left him. It would serve him right.

I don't blame anyone who's been cheated on for feeling rage and hurt. But I don't understand the idea that karma would be the cheater then going on to cheat again.

For the person who hurt you to get a taste of their own medicine would mean that they would get to feel what it's like to be cheated on - not that they get to keep on having new sex whenever their current partner gets boring.

The whole trope is based around punishing women for male sexual behaviour.

I really really don't care how he's treating the other woman because I know how horrendous he was to me and that's enough for me.
That's definitely taken work though. I've found worrying about what he's doing just allows him to continue taking up space in my head that he doesn't deserve.

Your brother in law sounds like a real prince. Manipulated into leaving his tiny baby for a shag? Come on.

Treated her exactly the same and every partner that followed. I know this as a) I would periodically get text messages that clearly weren't meant for me or the official partner and b) he would introduce dc to the new affair partner before existing partner knew about it and swear them to secrecy.

My ex was emotionally abusive to me and when he cheated on me with a friend tried to gaslight me into believing it was all my fault. He then transitioned to physical abuse of ow almost immediately but the poor sod was younger and starry eyed and had kids with him so she never managed to escape him. I feel so sorry for her

I was referring to a situation that very much applied to me.

A lot happens behind closed doors and you have no way of knowing what happens in someone else’s marriage.

If you’d been on the receiving end you might start to understand. You should live by your own statements.

Ironically, she treated him like he treated me. He cheated on me with my close friend and then she cheated on him with his friend. I did think ha to that one. He came to me for sympathy, which was weird (I was in another relationship at that point with my now husband).

Yes, she was given up on without a bye nor leave, too, after a similar period of time. She seems just as confused about why, so his communication hasn't improved. It always helps to remind me it wasn't about me being flawed and I was right to try to get him to get therapy.

Yes he did.
Two years after his affair that led to the break up of my marriage .
I never blamed her per se.
I knew she was poor quality to get involved with a married man with children who have SN with whom he has no relationship , but no I didn't blame her. I held him in contempt's for putting all the load on me while pretending to work, knowing how utterly sick my whole life was making me and then I felt repulsed that he continued to badger me for sex all through their affair.

I have nothing but disdain for him . He has continued to jump from one single, child free, professional house owner/ woman to another for the past six years and dumps them when something shinier and wealthier turns up.
Pathetic.
I unwittingly chose very badly. Certainly not the man I married and pre kids.

The OP is specifically asking about the OW involved though. Not the ex. Fasciliating a man to cheat on his wife is not an innocent position to take. It isn't mysogynistic to want accomplices to experience "karma" too. It also applies to friends and family who help a cheater cheat imo. I know men who provided alibis so their friend could carry on with an OW, who were then cheated on at a later point. I just thought, "Well, serves you right."

I often think about the OW and how she got more than she bargained for when she stole my abusive partner. She fell for his love bombing and they married a few months after we split up.

I knew he was cheating. I also knew it was only a matter of time before he dumped me for her. I pretended not to know as she was my ticket out of that nightmare.

Is it karma? Maybe. She didn't know she was breaking up an abusive relationship. Helping me get away from him was not her motivation. Although even an OW doesn't deserve 10+ years with that monster.

I don't hate her, in fact I'm glad they met. If it hadn't been for her, that might still be my life.

She's asking if the ex went on to cheat on OW, and calling this karma. It makes no logical sense unless you think karma for cheating men is more fresh sex. He gets a new shag, she gets heartbreak. It's wildly sexist.

Well, it is "karma" when an accomplice in your hurt also gets hurt. It is not "karma" for the man, but no one is claiming it is. The OP is only asking about OW. My ex got cheated on after me and is now married with kids and absolutely miserable. But that's not what this thread is about.

It's the thread title.

Once my ex and I had separated, the OW was no longer forbidden fruit and it fizzled out quite quickly. But had he gone on to marry and then cheat on her, I would have been quite gleeful. Sorry. But you did ask

Yes. She's talking about the other women. Hence "Do you think it's karma or do you feel sorry for her in some way?" Karma for the OW.