I have been with my partner for 8 years, and we have a house and two children together. I love him so incredibly much, and we have had so much fun together during our 8 years. I have felt loved by him, but despite this, there are some things that have caused friction that I have suppressed. Now I have found myself in a situation where I can't shake the thought that he may have taken me for granted for a long time.
To summarize, I was born and raised in Scandinavia and am not religious, while he has a Catholic mother who has tried to get rid of me since day one. She has made nasty comments about our relationship, saying that we won't last and that my partner has no plans to marry me, etc. A recurring nasty "joke" I've heard is that his younger sister will get to the altar before us and actually even his brother has said this out loud too which makes me wonder how we come across as a couple to his family. However, since we had our son about 3 years ago, his mother has improved because she wants to spend time with her grandchild, but she still says things that imply she sees me as a temporary person in his life or at least a temporary partner. What makes me so sad about all this is that I can't remember a single time when he has actually stood up for me/us and said something to his mother. Fortunately, I don't have to see her that often anymore since we moved to my home country, but we visit his family about twice a year and stay in her house.
Recently, the topic of marriage has come up a couple of times, or at least I've tried to bring it up with my partner, but it's a subject he prefers not to talk about. He seems to find it uncomfortable and has expressed that he'd rather just "sign the papers" and get it over with. This makes me sad because I wasn't under the impression that he has no interest in having a wedding. He knows that I'm not interested in having a big fancy wedding, but I've always been clear that I want some form of celebration when it happens, if it happens. I'm not a hopeless romantic, but the thought that the person I've spent 8 years with and who I have children with doesn't seem to want to celebrate our marriage in any way other than signing documents and possibly eating out at a restaurant somewhere – it hurts.
A more specific event that I am also disappointed about is that when I turned 30 almost two years ago now, I organized a birthday party and invited friends/family for dinner. My partner didn't give me a present then but said he would treat me to a weekend somewhere at a later time, but that obviously never happened. However, his sister, who had an insignificant birthday that same year, received a gift card to go to a spa. His other sister also got a contribution for a trip abroad when she turned 40. My 30th birthday present was forgotten about and was never mentioned again.
Recently, I reached a breaking point when his younger sister turned 30 and was majorly celebrated and even getting proposed to by her boyfriend whom she has been dating for barely two years. Of course, it's great for them, but I was overwhelmed by a bitterness I hadn't felt before. Probably because my partner's mother and brother's mocking jokes have now come true. The bitterness didn't improve when I found out that he wanted to treat his sister to yet another spa day since she turned 30, wanting to give her something nice that she would appreciate. To add, my partner often complains about how little money he has, and the focus is often on cost the few times we actually do something. Both of his sisters are said to be doing very well financially and have partners who spoil them, and going to a spa wouldn't be a particularly unusual activity for them. Meanwhile I'm the one who's stood by him through some pretty rough times as he's had some health scares and surgeries in the past few years, I'm the mother of his kids and I didn't even get as much as a flower or card on the most significant birthday I've had so far whilst being together with him. I need a god damn day at the spa. I'm wrecked!! How on earth do I get over this bitterness I'm feeling?? He has said he's very sorry and didn't realise I felt this way but I'm just having a real hard time getting over things that I've been reflecting over lately.
Any advice on this is very appreciated. Thank you!!