Relationship Advice

[caitlinZ2]

I really need some help and advice as I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life at the moment.

I have been with my partner over 14 years, the last few years I have felt so unwanted by him, he never wants sex and to be honest I feel rejected by him.

My self esteem is so low, I had put on weight due to stress but I've lost a lot of it (although I am about 3 stone heavier than when we met). I have spoken to him repeatedly about it and he says he just never thinks of sex - is this normal? He is 48.

We've never had children, he had a vasectomy without me knowing when we were dating (he has children from a previous relationship), we saved and got it reversed. His tests came back that it had worked, although the Dr said he has a low sperm count so it was a miracle he fathered two children previously.

I really don't know what to do? I want to feel wanted again in a relationship and not to feel like his mother / friend.

Emotionally he is great, he's helped me through a lot and is so caring, buys me flowers etc. I'm at a point in my life I just don't know what to do (I'm 40), we speak about this (I always bring it up) and he then gets weird and over acts when I bring up the sex thing and then we are back to normal.

This has been like it for 6 years. I can't imagine my life without him, he is my best friend, but at the same time I want more, my ex always made me feel wanted but wasn't there for me emotionally. I'm full of regret / resentment that I haven't had children and now it's too late.

Has anyone else been in this situation? I really don't know what to do, do I give up a 14 year relationship over this or just carry on. I actually get upset some days as I just don't feel like anyone would ever want me and I should count my lucky stars I have him but this is making me unhappy.

Hello @caitlinZ2 we're sorry to hear about your situation. We could move your thread to the Relationships board if you'd prefer? There are lots of MNers on there who can help.

Yes please, that would be great. Didn't know there was such a thing. 😊

No probs - moving it now.

Thank you will I still get notifications?

I think you need to have an honest discussion and tell him how you feel.
I wouldn't say it was usual for a 48 year old man to never think of sex. How was he during the early years, was he interested then? If so he may have other issues affecting his sex drive now. Is he on anti depressants by any chance, or has he any health problems that might affect his libido?

In the beginning he was fine, no issues all though he has always been awkward with sex.

He had anxiety 6 years ago and was on antidepressants but he hasn't been on them for 3/4 years.

He was in a real toxic relationship before we met, and he did cheat. His ex stopped him seeing the kids, made him go on antidepressants and they slept in separate rooms when they were together.

The other thing is he always sleeps in our spare room. He goes to bed with me but half way through the night he will go in the other room, he is up at 5am for work and says it's so he doesn't disturbs me (he's always been a bad sleeper) but he even does on the weekend.

I have questioned and spoken to him about all of this multiple times before but like I say, he will be ok for a few days and then back to normal.

You've spoken to him and nothing's changed. He's been like this for six years and you've unhappy. You could either accept celibacy or finish the relationship.

It doent sound like he has a physical problem so l think l would tell him that unless things change you are considering ending the relationship as the current situation is making you unhappy. His response should tell you all you need to know.

You sound completely miserable, and no wonder. It really sounds like he doesn't want more children. It's not too late for you so you need to put yourself first and get out of the relationship.